“I told my husband I had to travel for work. The truth is harder to explain…”
My husband and I have both worked from home for 5 years. That means 24/7 togetherness. No commutes. No office breaks. No solo grocery runs. Just us. Always. All the time.
I really do love him. This isn’t about wanting to leave or cheat or blow up our marriage. But somewhere along the way, I started to feel like I was dissolving. Like there was no space that was just mine. No thoughts that were just mine. No silence that wasn’t filled with someone else’s voice.
So I lied and told him my company was hosting a “mandatory multi-day event” at HQ that’s a 3 hour drive from my house. I even packed work clothes and my laptop to sell it. In reality? I took PTO, booked a hotel three hours away, and left.
Right now, I’m lying in a hotel bed just doing nothing. There’s something incredibly peaceful about knowing this little pocket of time is mine and mine alone. No one knows where I am. No one needs me. I’m not hiding anything scandalous.
I know lying isn’t great. But I also know if I’d told the truth, it would’ve hurt his feelings or started a weird argument. This way, I get what I need and no one gets hurt. And honestly? It’s been wonderful. I think my work will probably host more mandatory events in the future.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Thunderwoodd said:
You should probably find a way to talk this out – but the need is incredibly valid. It took my wife a few years to really understand – but we worked it out while we were still dating.
Now we both openly treasure actual work trips, star-fishing alone in a giant bed, getting nights out by ourselves. It’s been really important for us both in our relationship, and as we’ve taken a step into parenthood. Mom and Dad solo nights have been keeping us both sane.
All to say, you’re not crazy for needing this, in fact it can make your relationship a lot stronger. But in the long run, this will be a much bigger problem if you continue to take it in secret and not talk it out.
LornFan said:
Why do you feel like it’d be an issue to tell him you need some me-time? If he finds out it will look incredibly suspicious.
Dracopoulos said:
Why the heck wouldn’t you just say “hey I need some alone time. I’m going to take a day off and go hang out by myself for a day.” If my wife said this to me, I would be excited for her and would start planning mine.
sleepingbeauty2008 said:
If you think your husband will get hurt by you saying you need a little me time then you might not be with the right partner but it seems you didn’t give him a chance.
PipeInevitable9383 said:
He will find out. You needed to talk that through instead of lying. Find friends outside of each other, find hobbies outside of each other. Not lie. Hope it’s worth the divorce coming your way.
jennimackenzie said:
What makes you think he doesn’t feel exactly the same way you do, and is secretly thrilled to have you out of the house for three days. Maybe he thinks it would hurt your feelings or start a weird argument if he brought it up.
Probably a situation where you should overcome your fears and talk to the person who you chose to spend the rest of your life with. But, who knows. Maybe the relationship is so fragile that bringing up completely normal, human feelings will make it crumble.
felolorocher said:
This is going to blow up in your face eventually. What’s wrong with asking your husband for a solo trip?
After reading some of the comments, OP edited the post to include:
NOTE: Here’s the truth: his needs directly conflict with mine. He finds comfort in constant closeness. He would be hurt to hear that I need time apart, even if he says he supports it.
We would talk, he would agree to my alone time, and I would still take the time. But now he’s sad I wanted it, and I feel guilty for needing it. The result is the same, just heavier for both of us. How is that better?
And yes, it’s also true that talking to him about it takes away the feeling of freedom and independence I get from just deciding this on my own. Both reasons can be (and are) true at the same time.
Also, let me add some additional context about going out with friends, hobbies, running errands by myself, etc. I do all these things. And he doesn’t have a problem with it. I’m not a prisoner.
But these activities are social engagements or in a public space where there are expectations of how to act. Doing these things is vastly different than being completely alone in a private space.
I am never at the house alone because my husband doesn’t drive (for medical reasons, before everyone gets out their pitchforks). So if he leaves the house, I’m driving him somewhere. Public transport is non-existent. Uber/Lyft is spotty at best. Sometimes waiting 30+ min, sometimes no driver willing to take the fare.
