“AITA for leaving my husband to walk 2 miles home after he refused to get back in my car after leaving an MRI?”
My (45F) husband (45M) is claustrophobic. We have been married 18 years, together 22 years. He needs a brain MRI due to vision issues, but has been unable to get complete one due to claustrophobia.
We tried on anxiety meds twice and he left both times. After 8 months of trying to schedule a sedation MRI, we were finally able to get him in this morning. He has to get dental work sedated as well. The MRI team agreed to use the same medication that his dentist uses.
I explained that and he agreed. When the MRI team started describing the medication and that he may be awake, just sleepy, he refused and they called me to come pick him up.
We take care of his grandma and i was over there getting her ready for a quick appointment. As soon as they called. I left to travel the 3 miles to get him. It took me about 10 min. When i got there, he was nowhere to be found. I had his phone and wallet. So i drove around looking for him. He had not been sedated, so he was sober.
I found him about 0.5 mile away walking and he was pissed and started yelling. I yelled back because i was scared, didn’t know where he was, and i was frustrated from trying to schedule this important MRI for months.
So, he slams the door and gets back out. I drive around the corner tell him to get back in. But i also have to get grandma to her appt. He won’t get in, so i try one more time and leave. We are about 2 miles from home. He walks home. I get gma to her appt.
Grandma appt was a hair appt. She goes every week, but this was the long one for the cut and color. I just dropped her off and went back home and we got into a huge fight.
He said i lied about the sedation and i abandoned him. He said i should have kept circling around and coming back. AITA for leaving him to walk home and get grandma to her appt.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
shyfidelity
Considering his claustrophobia is interfering with his health and marriage, he needs serious therapy. Hey fellow commenters, just FYI I don’t care if you personally don’t believe in therapy, you don’t need to hijack the top comment just to say so lol.
HecticGoldenOrb
Coming from the perspective of someone who voluntarily takes on the onus to schedule and be the emotional support human for a couple loved ones (who are fantastically grateful and lovely about the process)…
You should put his ass in time out of you supporting him in this fashion. Just because you offer to do the legwork, for whatever reason, so all he has to do is show up, doesn’t mean you are his underling to get angry with when his mental health or stress levels flare. You are his partner, not his emotional punching bag when he gets stressed.
He can put his big boy pants back on and figure out how to call, interact & advocate with doctors, schedule appointments, get his ass to said appointments, maintain in the appointment, and then get home home. Wash your hands of this task set until / unless he shows appreciation for the level of help you are providing.
write4lyfe
I’m honestly shocked that absolutely no one on your medical teams has suggested an Open MRI. They’re literally designed for people with claustrophobia issues that need MRIs.
notcreative8080 (OP)
No one has suggested this and i have not heard of an open MRI. Will see if i can find one in our area.
Chunkykitty_2000
NTA I detest getting an MRI and claustrophobia is real, but his mistreating you is BS.
MadamSnarksAlot
And that whole “you should have circled around again” is some BS. Grow up, get in the car or you walk home. Just you’re doing all the heavy lifting and he’s not even taking responsibility for gathering the information he needed before hand or being a big enough person to just give it a try. All these false starts and wasted time. Stop doing it.
Otherwise_Chemist920
This isn’t a functional human being. What are you even doing running after this dude and his family?
tresrottn
Just curious, do you also change his diaper? Look, if he’s got something going on in his head that he needs an MRI, that can absolutely be the reason that his emotional incontinence is happening.
But it sounds like this is a pretty established relationship that you literally run his life and everyone else and he doesn’t have to do anything. You’re taking care of his mother and you’re taking care of him. When is anybody taking care of you?
Winter-Moon-47
You’re doing too much for him. Start instead, planning on life for yourself when his disabilities become worse and a daily problem. Start looking at nursing homes. Start planning for a single income living situation. Start considering the possibility he may need to be placed in a mental health hold to get proper testing.
This level of irrational may be brought on by other mental health impairments such as a brain tumor, MS, or potentially a type of early onset dementia. He needs to be checked out and you need to throw down the gauntlet. This is either your life or it won’t be your life.
Advanced_Monitor6568
NTA. Also, he’s had sedation before so he knows that it will be fine, so he is totally beyond overreacting.
Really bizarre behaviour.
But also: you. Assuming this is real. WHY are you arranging his health appointments, looking after HIS grandmother, organising sedation, persuading him into a car..?? Is he a five year old? Why are you even surprised that he had a tantrum?
Stop doing everything and maybe he’ll grow up.
INFO: how’s his behaviour and your marriage generally?
notcreative8080 (OP)
He is quick to anger and quick to apologize. I simmer and wait too long to apologize. I need him to take more responsibility in general, but especially with is health. We need to improve our communication methods. With age, he’s become more angry and any disagreement quickly becomes an issue, and i don’t like to back down from a good argument.
I typically stay calm when he gets angry and i let him calm down, but today, i think i just got overwhelmed with everything going on with his gma. She has dementia and Alzheimer’s and it is becoming too hard to care for her on our own, even with at home caregivers. That’s a whole separate issue though.
MamaLlama629
He’s acting like a giant baby. I’m not judging the claustrophobia. I require sedation too. My mom gets secondhand claustrophobia from YouTube videos. But the temper tantrum and making everything YOUR problem is beyond ridiculous.
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
