I (33F) am now 8 months pregnant. I found out that my now ex boyfriend (34M) has been seeing a woman who he swore there was nothing going on with but I found out otherwise. Needless to say I’m very hurt by this. He has been seeing her before and during my entire pregnancy behind my back and straight up lying to me about it.
Even going as far as lying about hanging with friends to go to her place. When I found this out he said he was breaking it off and that he was in the process of ending things with her and asked for time. I refused and told him I was removing myself from the love triangle I never asked to be in.
After long drawn out talks about this, he admitted that she was not happy about my pregnancy and was even talking about being at the hospital because she doesn’t want him to share that intimate moment with me. Apparently, they’ve talked about my pregnancy extensively and how she feels about it. He tells me that he shut this down but I am feeling very uneasy about this.
Obviously me exiting the picture means he’s going to be with her and I do not want her anywhere near me or my child or her accompanying him to the hospital while I’m giving birth, which I feel he would allow because he values her feelings when it comes to our child based on what he told me. I told him based on this energy and her feeling so strongly that she’d come to the hospital while I’m giving birth just to interfere or monitor him has me on high alert and that I no longer wanted him there during my labor and delivery. He swears that he told her do not do this and that he told her no. But I feel like even if she isn’t physically there she’s going to interfere regardless through her texting and calling and distracting him during labor. I also don’t want in giving any information about my labor, delivery, complications, or any information or pictures of my baby. He is not happy about this decision but I am feeling very firm about this because this woman seems unpredictable and has a negative view about my pregnancy and baby to the point she’s come in between him helping me prepare for our child and he admitted they’ve talked about the paternity of my child possibly not being his which is far from the truth.
I do not want him there bringing in negative energy into that sacred space. He didn’t care about the baby all this time even questioned paternity and now is upset he can’t participate in the birth? Why does it matter now? Should I continue with my decision despite his desire to be there knowing all that I know now?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Howdoyoudoaultd42 wrote:
I wouldn’t let him be there and I would be collecting these insane things she’s saying as evidence for custody as I wouldn’t want her anywhere near my child.
OP responded:
I’m definitely deeply concerned about him being around my baby for sure because I don’t want him giving her any information about my child.
javel1 wrote:
Please notify the hospital he is not allowed in delivery or to visit you in recovery (as well as his girlfriend). Do you have a support person? Mom or a friend or sibling? Don’t let him ruin this for you. You get to name the baby. As soon as he discussed paternity he lost that right (well he lost all of it through cheating).
OP responded:
My mom will be with me.
kissmyirish7 wrote:
I wouldn’t even tell him when you go into labor. Have someone else come with you. Let the nurses know he can’t be there.
OP responded:
I was thinking this. I don’t even want him to know cause if I do give him the courtesy Idk what would happen after this.
artistic_musician_78 wrote:
Don’t let him near such a precious time. I busted my ex when I used his phone to time my contractions, and having him in the birthing suite ruined the entire experience, and I regret to my core that I let him tarnish the birth of my daughter like that, I hate that her birth was one of the worst times of my life.
You can never redo that time, don’t make my mistake – have your baby in peace, in a safe space, where you can focus on your journey into motherhood and greeting your new human with only love in your heart.
OP responded:
Thank you for giving me a real life view. I did feel a little bad about my choice but I definitely agree just knowing that she’s that insecure and jealous and all up in my business even if she wasn’t there physically the energy and vibe would be very apparent because I know she’d be excessively texting or calling him.
chipchop666 wrote:
Give pictures and names to security and the gym/ob/ birthing room so they will not be allowed to get to you. My marriage broke up while I was pregnant too. I wouldn’t let him in delivery room and kicked him out within an hour of getting home.
OP responded:
Thank you for sharing. I feel better about my choice.
intentsman wrote:
If he wants to be in the delivery room while his child is being born, he can do that with his girlfriend’s baby.
OP responded:
According to him he made sure she was on birth control lol that’s why she’s so mad. He says he doesn’t want anymore kids so good luck to him.
CUL8RPINKTY wrote:
I would NOT put his name on the birth certificate. I would make him prove paternity because there is no way in hell my child would spend a moment in the care of this psycho chick and your asshat ex. EVER.
Irishdoe13 wrote:
Tell your labor and delivery nurses about this. They are super protective of their mamas. They will only allow who you say can come in and keep the rest away. Former RN.
Neacha wrote:
OMG He is treating you like the side piece, like he is cheating on HER.
OP responded:
Exactly like why are you discussing anything with her and then allowing her feelings to dictate your behavior towards your child? I’m completely disgusted. I’m even questioning him being around my child at this point
