She’s been getting small barbs in before this (we’ve known each other about a month) which makes me feel she’s insecure about us. We’re supposed to get a massive snowstorm in VA Saturday night through Monday and is very upset I’m not planning on staying with her despite +1 foot of snow being expected during the day.
She says she wants me to be “inconvenienced” and this is a “test” of how much I want to be with her (I’m too old for this).
Now, the two wild cards are a) I’m starting a new job Monday and very much need to be ready to go and b) not knowing if I’ll be able drive back to my place Sunday (my car is not set up for that kind of snow which doesn’t bother her at all – she says “I’ll figure it out”) given a huge storm is expected with potentially up to 2 feet of snow.
Up until this point we’d recently started being exclusive and she’d kept on telling me how much she adored me, how great I was, etc… and then this ultimatum because she “doesn’t want to be alone Sunday during the storm.” Any other weekend I’d love to stay over as it would be a blast but given all the snow and likely how bad the driving conditions are and that I’m starting a new job the next day (she doesn’t seem to care about this) speaks volumes about a power play on her part. Would love to get some thoughts…
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Witch_on_a_moped wrote:
She’s 48 and still playing test games. Dump her. This is just the beginning of her psycho leaking out.
You’re correct- we had multiple conversations and she didn’t budge an inch. No playing it by ear, no staying at my place. Just we can wake up Sunday morning and see what the weather is like. “It’s only a 20 minute drive on the highway and if you go slow you’ll be fine”. She isn’t budging at all for anything. It’s literally beyond me.
affectionatebite3827 wrote:
“(I’m too old for this)”
And so is she. Stand your ground and if she ends it oh well. Although honestly I would end it now so she’s not blowing up your phone on your first day at your new job and stressing you out because she’s nuts. New year, new job, no drama!
Aita_ex-friend_dater wrote:
Just break up. Its a month long relationship and I don’t care for either your safety having to drive back or care you’re starting a new job. Plus the blatant testing…does she want you to lose your job before you start to prove you love her more after a month? Thats’ crazy manipulative.
Genoflower wrote:
Oh ick. Tests at your age? (And I’m very close to your age, so no shame here.) That’s exhausting. If she won’t go to your place, and wants you to be inconvenienced, and doesn’t care that you are starting a new job – congrats 🙂 – then this is a bouquet of red flags. And she’s 48. She can’t handle being in a snow storm by herself? I know this will be a big event, but if she’s that scared, she can stay with you.
OP wrote:
This is her latest text. I’m going to stop engaging with her now.
“I am watching the news as well and yes, it will be far reaching in high impact… which is why I am literally begging you to be here with me.”
“We both know this is not about your physical safety. Since they are preparing for this weather event, you have a car that is more than capable, and you would literally be going from one garage space to another on snow plowed main roads.”
“This is about the inconvenience of what I’m asking of you. And that is what saddens me. You will be here for me as long as it is convenient and easy for you. I think I deserve more than that from someone I care about so deeply.”
PerpetualBleugh wrote:
She’s directly contradicting herself. She’s telling you she wants you to prove yourself by being inconvenienced, while also telling you that it won’t be an inconvenience to you. This is a power play, she’s seeing how much she can push you and how much she can control you. She’s admitting this is a test, what she didn’t realise is she’s the one who would fail it. You’ve seen the kind of person she really is.
OP responded:
I have all season tires btw and grew up in New England and know what it’s like to drive on those in more than a few inches of snow.
sifwrites wrote:
So as a test to prove your loyalty, she wants you to potentially endanger yourself and risk not being able to show up for work? It is clear she doesn’t have your best interests and wellbeing at heart. So, you need to make sure you protect yourself. You shouldn’t need to protect yourself from your intimate partner. ergo she is not a good partner.
Mamabearonhercouch wrote:
Have you called the new job yet? You need to discuss their inclement weather policy and see if they still expect you to come in Monday even if you get 2 feet of snow. You also need to find out who you can call on Monday to see if the company is open or closed, and when you need to be there.
Your friend sounds unhinged. Virginia is far enough South that there is likely to be ice underneath the snow. That’s what makes driving so dangerous, and it won’t matter how slow you’re going if you hit ice. If I’m going to be stranded due to weather, I want to be in my house with my bed and my food in my kitchen. I don’t want to be stuck with someone I barely know at their house.
