WIBTAH if I refused to see my dad after finding out the reason he and my mom aren’t together?

I know this seems like a dumb question, but hear me out. My dad (49M) and my mom (40F) divorced before I (16M) was born. Growing up, I only saw him 1-2 times a month or on holidays/special occasions he decided he wasn’t too busy to come to. My mom has always had sole custody.

My relationship with my dad has never been bad, but he’s always seemed more like a family friend than an actual father. I was always happy to see him when I did, but honestly didn’t miss him as much as maybe I should have. We lived with my grandparents and one of my aunts and my uncle for most of my childhood so I never really felt lonely. I’m my mom’s only child and we’ve always been really close.

Growing up she was always very careful to shelter me from any conflict she had with my dad. As a kid, I never saw them fight, though now as I’m older I have learned that there were MANY of them. She also never told me the exact reason why they split up, even when I eventually started asking. The only answers she ever really gave were that, “we weren’t good for each other,” or “dad was doing some things I didn’t want you around.” She was always so careful and knowing what I know now, I love her for that.

Now the reason why I’m here came up over the weekend. My dad came over for a visit and we were in the living room playing FIFA while my mom was working on her computer in the kitchen. (The kitchen table is in line of sight of the couch.) We were in a particularly intense match and my dad missed a play. He slammed the controller and yelled “F**k!” My mom immediately jumped up at the noise and looked at him with this look of fear that I’ve never seen from her before. I just froze up. Then my dad threw up his hands and was like, “when are you going to stop acting like I’m dangerous?” My mom took a breath. Then was like, “I think it’s time for you to leave.” My dad said no and my mom told him not to make things harder than they needed to be. That’s when my dad said, “What? Are you gonna call the cops again?” in this really nasty mocking tone. My mom asked me if I would go take our dog for a walk. I figure she wanted to get me out of the house. I stood up and started to leave. Then my dad said, “no. He’s a man now. He can stay.” Being totally honest, I didn’t want to leave my mom. I was scared for her. So instead I went and stood by her. My mom again told him he needed to leave. He looked at us both angrily, but finally got up and left.

Mom and I didn’t talk about what happened right then. But it was really bothering me so I asked her about it later that day. I asked her why she seemed so scared when my dad yelled and slammed the controller. She said that it was just her startle reflex and that it was okay. I feel bad and maybe I shouldn’t have but I pushed her. I brought up his comments about her acting like he was dangerous and calling the cops. She said that some things happened before I was born but she didn’t elaborate. Then I asked her straight up if he’d ever hurt her. My mom is a terrible liar and is really bad at hiding her emotions. When I asked her that she hesitated a moment without saying anything and began to tear up. I felt awful and just hugged her. I told her I was sorry for prying and she just said that she didn’t ever want me to find out about any of this. She went on to explain that he hadn’t ever hurt her out of anger, but that he HAD hurt her and the night she left she’d had to call the cops because he’d gotten angry and broken some things and punched a wall. She said they had just found out she was pregnant with me and she was afraid that if he got angry like that again he might throw something or lash out and accidentally hit her and hurt me in the process. I asked her why she let him visit after all that and she just said that she didn’t want to cut me off from my dad. She was really vague about everything as always and kept apologizing. I told her that it wasn’t her fault and I was grateful to her for protecting me and always being such a good mom.

But now I’m kind of spiraling. I feel sick about what my dad actually did do to my mom. If he hurt her but not out of anger then what did he do? Based on some really uncomfortable and gross comments my dad has made to me about women and intimacy before I have a sinking feeling that it may have had something to do with that. My mom has made it clear that I was planned and wanted when she got pregnant and they were married at the time so I don’t think he raped her. But my mind is reeling with all kinds of other possibilities and I feel disgusted and sick that I’m now thinking about my mom in that sense and that someone might have done something like that to her let alone my dad. I’m worried about what this might make me. And all at the same time, I NEVER want to see him again. In fact I think if I do I might straight up punch him in the face. But if I cut him off then I will be making all the years that my mom put aside her own pain so that I could still have a relationship with him pointless. Also, I don’t know if my dad sends my mom any child support, but if he does and I refuse to see him he’ll probably stop sending it and I don’t want that to affect my mom financially. I feel so sorry for my mom and so guilty about this situation and prying and knowing what I now know. At the same time I’m glad that I do know now so I can protect my mom if something like this happens again. So, WIBTAH if I refused to see my dad?