AITAH for refusing to pay off my pregnant fiancee’s parents’ mortgage, when they are under the threat of foreclosure, when I could “easily” afford to do so?

This is a throwaway account.

About two years ago, I (31M) met my fiancee (26F). We have a baby on the way. The due date is in May. I also have a ten year old son from a previous relationship. I am a professional musician. My band has a sizable local/regional following. I also privately teach different instruments to mostly children and do music production for some significantly bigger musicians/bands.

About three weeks ago, my fiancee got a call from her mother. My fiancee is the oldest of three and her younger siblings are in college. Her mom informed her that they received a letter that the “acceleration clause” was being invoked on their mortgage due to months of non-payment and that if they do not pay it off by late February, the house would be foreclosed on.

The house had belonged to my fiancee’s grandmother before it was inherited by my fiancee’s parents about 15 years ago when her grandmother died. The house was paid off, but they took out a mortgage on it because they needed the money. My fiancee lived in the house since she was two years old. My fiancee has asked me to use my savings to pay off the house. It would be about 15% of my savings to do so.

I have a sizeable amount of savings. Despite my parents not wanting me to go into music, or at least wait until I graduated college, I went into the music industry full-time from the time I graduated high school. It has largely worked out for me. But, knowing the ebbs and flows of the industry, and especially with having a kid so young, I have been very vigilant about savings. Having a substantial savings account is important to me given my kids (have one, have one on the way, and want to potentially have a third) because I want to be able to pay for college and help them buy a house (things my parents could not dream of doing). Also, you never know when times are going to be lean as a musician. This is why I am hesitant to want to pay off their mortgage. Additionally, I am concerned about setting the precedent that I bailout the family.

My fiancee is quite upset about the whole situation. She says we would not be hurting at all if I pay it off and I have no reason to think that I will not continue to make the amount of money I have made in the last couple of years. If anything, there is a good chance it will go up. She sees it as I could “easily” pay it but I am refusing to do so. I see it as protecting our long-term financial stability. If a foreclosure happens, her parents will get the equity they have in the house and be able to afford a different place. While I know she is emotionally attached to that particular house, I do not think it is wise to sacrifice our financial stability for that reason alone. Her parents need to be in a place that they can afford.

AITA?

This is other people OP:

teresajs

1d ago

NTA

These folks had a paid-off house. They mortgaged it to spend money they didn’t have. Then, they didn’t pay the mortgage. You absolutely shouldn’t spend your money (not “our” money, as your fiancee says) to fix this. You don’t want to create the expectation that you will be their ATM.

Your fiancee and her family can work together to figure this out.

You should consider getting a prenup. If your fiancee handles money in a similar manner to her parents, you might be better off to maintain separate finances.

Classic-Delivery3875

1d ago

This. Definately a prenup.

LibrarianNeat1999

1d ago

Absolutely you NOT the AH. Her parents don’t manage money well. Thus a problem of their making so they can figure it out for themselves.

Beach_Girl65

1d ago

Exactly! Who’s to say that once OP pays off their mortgage they won’t mismanage their money again and ask OP for a loan or gifted money?

SpaceIsVastAndEmpty

1d ago

Oh they definitely will mismanage money again and then expect another bailout

OP stand firm on this – I promise you, they’ll be in the financial crap with or without your bailout so don’t waste your money

I’d never ask my husband to help my family out of a mess of their own making (if we actually had the $$$)

Red-Pill1218

1d ago

Once that mortgage is paid off, watch the parents go get another one. The banks love people like them

JacOfAllTrades

1d ago

There are FOUR ADULTS living in that house and they can’t make the mortgage payment… That’s wild. That’s not something a lump sum is going to fix.

There is also absolutely nothing stopping them from taking out another mortgage as soon as op pays off this one, just like they did before to get themselves in this mess.

If Op pays this, he’s setting himself up to forever be the safety net for people who are unconcerned about their own housing safety (making they certainly will not be concerned about his fiscal security).

NTA