AITAH for asking my ex husband’s ex wife for money from her parents’ estate for my son?

I know my title is confusing. I will clear it up before I continue.

I was married to Mark and we have a son whom I will call Dan. We divorced when Dan was ten. Two years later he married Rita. She had a daughter from a previous relationship. Call her Abby. Eight years later Mark and Rita divorced.

I hope that clears up the relationships.

Last year Mark passed away. He was young and it was a terrible accident. I didn’t love him any more but he was a good man and a fantastic father to our son. He left Dan everything. Dan would much rather have his father back than this money. But he is in his twenties and this gift can set him up for life. Not support him forever. But he will be debt free and a homeowner much sooner than planned.

Rita seems to think that some of that money should go to Abby. The will was clear. All of Mark’s estate goes to Dan. I don’t get anything. I’m fine with that. We divorced amicably and I was satisfied with our division of assets. I have also remarried and my husband and I are comfortable.

Rita says that because Mark was a father figure for Abby she should have gotten money as well. The will is ironclad. Neither Rita or Abby get anything. Abby’s father is in the picture and paid child support and is an active part of her life.

Rita recieved money when her parents passed away. She also got money when she divorced Mark.

I asked to meet with Rita to settle this without lawyers. I said that she needed to give Dan some money that she got from her parents. It would only be fair since she was Dan’s stepmom and she hadn’t contributed to his education or anything. She said I was being ridiculous and that it wasn’t the same. I said she was asking for money for a child that wasn’t blood related to Mark. I was asking for money for a child that wasn’t blood related to her. It was exactly the same.

She says I’m being an asshole and that my view of the situation is stupid. She thinks, even though Mark’s will is legal and clear, that morally Dan should share with Abby. I just repeated that morally she should give Dan money since she has financially supported Abby.

I hope that was clear enough so you guys can say if I am right or not.

This is other people OP:

propaneandbandaids

3d ago

NTA – but stop the communication. Seriously. She is gonna record you and you will end up giving her a foothold to sue over.

She won’t win, but you will still have to hire a lawyer if you insist on continuing the dialogue.

Gullible_Fun_1410

3d ago

Right!! Like why is she communicating with her period? First time she brought it up should have been the last time OP talked to her

First_Pay702

3d ago

The inheriting son is in his twenties, OP is not a benefactor, I don’t see how anything she says gives step mom grounds for anything. This is 2 people that aren’t involved from the will standpoint squabbling over things legally not their business. OP’s logic is sound, but she should disengage and mute stepmom.

DesperateLobster69

2d ago

Ex stepmom–OP’s ex had already divorced her before he died!!! It’s literally just a money-grab.

Aquapele

3d ago

“To settle it so lawyers”- settle what? There is literally nothing to discuss here. If your son is the over 18 beneficiary, it isn’t even a bone she can pick with you. You have no say here- it would be Dan’s decision.

“No” is a complete sentence.

Vestiel

3d ago

NTA – she made a ridiculous claim and when faced with the same exact situation she was defensive.

The only thing you could do better is ask if she has put in her will anything for Dan. That’d be a slightly better argument.