I (24M) have an identical twin. We’re not close, but I thought we had basic mutual respect. That belief was tested.I grew up in a traditional Southern town & only began coming out in college, about five years ago. It’s been slow, especially with family. But since moving to DC in ’23 for school/work, I’ve felt more comfortable living authentically.After moving, I met my boyfriend (26M), & we’ve been together 2yrs. Over time, I’ve introduced him to friends and family when I felt safe.

Cut to Nov. ’24: I was home for the holidays & told my twin & his fianceé about my bf. They seemed happy for me. While staying with them, wedding details arose, & they asked if I’d be bringing a date. I said yes, my bf. My twin had gone to bed, but his fianceé said, “While there are pros and cons, it’s up to you if you want to bring him.” That felt like a green light. My twin constantly deferred to her on decisions, so I didn’t think I needed to double-check.5 months passed, my bf & I had spent $1,300 on travel (flights, hotel, etc.). 3 weeks before the wedding, I mentioned on a call with my brother that we were all set. His tone shifted: “Oh, is BF actually coming?”

I reminded him of the convo with his fianceé. He said she never gave me permission & accused me of making it up. Then said, “We can’t allow your bf to come. We worry how Dad’s side will react.”I offered to call Dad on the spot. He dodged, saying he’d check with his fianceé (despite just saying it was his decision.) An hour later, no change. I was still invited-ALONE, still expected to buy a groomsman-match suiting (even though I wasn’t in the party), & show up smiling. That’s when I snapped. I asked, “If I didn’t invite your fianceé to my wedding, would you still come?” He couldn’t answer & ended the call after some harsh words.Trying to make things right, I came out to my dad (which I feared for years) to explain the situation. He was surprisingly indifferent & even said uninviting my bf was extreme. He offered to talk to extended family. I thought I was removing the main obstacle.Weeks later, my twin called again. He now claimed our friends would be “weirded out” (So the excuse shifted) I said, “If my bf’s not invited, I’m not coming.” He didn’t budge.Here’s the kicker: days later, my dad told me the fianceé admitted she did give me permission but changed her mind when she remembered “who would be there.” She denied this to my twin. Also, one of her bridesmaids is openly gay and brought her gf, but, according to the fianceé, “she’s not part of the family,” so it’s different.So I didn’t go. I’m still wondering if I made the wrong call. My absence was noticed. I got texts asking where I was. My mom had to explain it repeatedly. So instead of avoiding attention, my absence became the story. My relationship with my twin is dead, & some family ties now feel fragile.Part of me wonders, should I have sucked it up & gone solo, just to preserve bonds that shaped my early life?

So, AITA for skipping the wedding?