“AITA for being the reason my sister left her own wedding reception?”
I (38M) got married five years ago. My parents (early 60s M and F) might love me, but they adore my husband (37M). He never meets a stranger. He’s always been someone who can (and will) strike up a conversation with anyone. Charisma skill maxed out, etc. When I’m telling friends about this, I joke that they would push my sister and I out of the way at family get togethers so they can hug him first.
My sister (40F) and my husband aren’t the best of friends, but they get along fine. She’s made little comments before about “[husband] replacing OP as the favorite” that seem less playful and more genuine, but those didn’t even raise red flags for me until this situation. We attended her wedding last weekend. It was beautiful and fun until it wasn’t. At dinner, we were just chatting like usual.
My parents know my husband’s been in consideration for a new position, and that the interview process has been going really well. He shared that he feels really good about it and he should know something soon. (In reality, he’s already accepted the position, but we knew better than to share that news there.) During my mom’s toast, she said something like, “We’re so happy to welcome a new son into our family. Our other bonus son, [husband], continually makes us so proud. If everyone could extend some of their well wishes to him for an upcoming promotion, please do.”
These were just a few lines in an otherwise very nice speech. Was it unnecessary and a bit of a faux-pas? Sure. But it wasn’t world ending. Still, my sister got very upset and ended up leaving the reception area for a while after that. She has talked to me briefly since then and said that we should’ve steered the conversation away from that topic altogether and directed it back to her and her husband. She’s putting the blame on us. Now I’m holding a lot of guilt surrounding the event, and I’m not exactly sure if I was in the wrong or how to handle it going forward.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
What is wrong with mom? This wasn’t her news to announce in public.
weddingblues0 (OP)
My parents are religious, and believe in the power of prayer. My husband and I aren’t religious. I think this was likely her way of asking for lots of prayers for us while still respecting our own beliefs. That’s my assumption, at least. Just sliding well-wishes into a speech to lots of loved ones, in her mind, increased my husband’s chance of getting the promotion.
I haven’t asked her about this and I don’t intend to. My sister can take it up with her. I’m not going to shame my mom for trying to do something nice for us in what she believed was a harmless way.
NTA. This isn’t your fault but your mom’s. Yes it’s great your husband is getting a promotion, but how odd and rude to put the spotlight on him at someone else’s wedding. I’m sure in your sister’s case, based on her previous remarks, this is one more item in a long list of times she’s been overshadowed by him.
From sister’s reaction it sounds like mom’s toast was predictable and she feels OP & husband could/should have avoided giving mom information she could use to make them the center of attention.
OP says mom ‘believes in the power of prayer’, my guess is OP knew very well that mom would focus on getting some group prayer for his husband rather than celebrating his sister. Could easily have just said ‘oh I don’t want to talk about work today, we’re here to celebrate sister in law and new brother in law! wasn’t the ceremony great?’
Imagine your parents have always favored your brother over you, then your brother marries Mr. Charming and your parents now favor BOTH Mr. Charming AND your brother over you—to the point that your mom can’t make a speech at your wedding without making a humble-brag reference to Mr. Charming being up for a big promotion! 👀🙄
Your mother is an absolute piece of work. I don’t believe she said it because she “believes in the power of prayer”. She was giving a toast to a couple on their wedding day. Not a prayer over Sunday dinner. Your mother is an absolute piece of work and I’m so surprised you don’t see it.
NTA – That wasn’t just a faux-pas of your mom; it was deeply unkind. But it wasn’t your fault.
Your mom had one job. She messed it up by trying to pull attention away from the people who were supposed to be the ONLY ones getting attention. And you, probably the golden child, see no problem with it. YTA.
YTA, it’s your husband and you are both toxic af including your mom. You are almost 40, so better in your life. Clearly you are jealous of your sister.
ESH; your mom definitely should have kept the attention on your sister on her wedding day. You need to tell your mom it wasn’t appropriate to bring up your partner during a wedding speech that should have been focused on the bride and groom.
Your sister should not blame you for your mom’s behavior, but something tells me that she has a built up resentment toward your partner. She’s directing her anger at the person she feels is taking attention from her. You all need a sit down to air out your feelings.
Why should you feel guilty for something that someone did, that totally out of your control. Sure, your mom’s timing was off but that was no fault of yours. Don’t feel guilty, don’t apologize to your sister. This should be between your sister and your mom. NTA.
NTA I’m probably going to get down votes for my opinion. your husband definitely is AAH. He new how it would go down but instead of being the bigger man and squashing from the beginning by simple saying he didn’t want to talk about work on the happy day and making it obvious to your parents the day was about the wedding he engaged them to show how successful he is.
Your mother is also the AH. one, It wasn’t appropriate to bring your husband into the speech. Two, It sounded like a sideways jab at your BL. And I bet not one of you apologised to your sister as was her big day bet no-one pulled nonsense like that on yours.
