“I hired a PI to watch my fiancée on her girls’ trip and now I’m torn.”

I never thought I’d be the one to spill my story on the internet, but here we are.To cut a long story short, my fiancée and I have been together for five years. Every year, she goes on this girls-only trip with her close friends. Something in my gut had been bothering me about these trips.

Maybe it was the slight changes in her behavior afterward or the cryptic conversations I’d overhear. Instead of directly confronting her, I did something I’m deeply ashamed of. I hired a private investigator to watch her during her recent trip. I got back the results a few days ago, and as much as I regret violating her privacy, my suspicions were not unfounded.

The PI presented evidence of her being unfaithful. It shattered my heart. Now, I’m caught in this storm of emotions. On one hand, I deeply regret snooping and not trusting her enough to talk about it. On the other, the betrayal from her side feels even more significant. I love her, but I can’t see a future together anymore. How do I even approach this situation? Do I confess my snooping? Or just end things without revealing the reason? Any advice is welcome.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

RONBJJ wrote:You’re right. You hired the PI (right or wrong I don’t judge you) because she presented actions that made you suspicious. You had a gut feeling that she was cheating. Time to go. You are lucky you found out now before you’d have to spend thousands paying to end it. Sorry for your pain but you’ll end it finding a faithful woman. Good luck.

Ceret wrote:

I would definitely just go with an ‘I know what happened’ and maybe one undeniable detail and give her enough rope to hang herself. I’d also let the partners of the other women on this trip know what they’ve been getting up to. At the very least, there is open collusion in infidelity going on.

[deleted] wrote:

Just tell her you know. You don’t have to give details. She’s not going to tell all her details. Be glad you didn’t marry her.

Murderino67 wrote:

Get your affairs in order first and foremost. Don’t make my mistake. I lost everything. Even what I wanted to keep.

If you’re cohabitating, find another place, separate your finances without being obvious, make new living arrangements for any pets if need be, change your phone number…then hit her with it. Keep your cool and don’t act like the victim. Tell her it’s over and don’t look back. Good luck. 🍀 Let us know how sh*t goes!

Carefulhebites wrote

I was in a relationship with a girl for more than a year then someone sent me a text with a screen-shot of her on Tinder “not looking for a long term”. All the text said was “Bro…I am so sorry.” Never found out who it was. All I texted to her was “You could have just told me.” I didnt block her or anything though I just never answered her back and still haven’t.

Eventually, she stopped trying to contact me. It was far more satisfying knowing that she knew what I meant without ever really ever knowing. Still stings a little to be honest but I am glad I didn’t go the drama route or show her my pain over a relationship she obviously didn’t care about. Edit: Also. Bro. I am so sorry. Really.

Riflemanlax wrote:

If it were me, I’d move out without a word, and when she asked, I’d just say ‘you know why.’ Keep to yourself about it unless she starts trashing you, then post the evidence. When something like this happens, you don’t owe the other person anything. Best to just rip the bandaid off quickly.

Awhile later, OP jumped on with an update:

Hey everyone,I’ve received many messages asking about the situation and I thought it was only right to keep those who cared in the loop. When my fiancée returned from her trip, I tried my best to handle things maturely. I gave her a chance to be honest, asking if there was anything she wanted to share about her trip.

Instead of coming clean, she gaslit me, making me question my own perceptions and reality. Having the evidence I had, I confronted her about the affair. She was taken aback and immediately asked how I knew. I told her the truth, that I hired a PI. I didn’t want to falsely accuse any of her friends as some of you suggested, even though, honestly, part of me was tempted. She was furious.

I’ve never seen her that angry in all our years together. Additionally, feeling it was the right thing to do, I shared the evidence with one of her friends’ boyfriends so he could be informed and consider getting tested, if necessary. It was clear to both of us that our relationship had reached a breaking point. We broke up right then.

Despite it being my house that I’ve financially covered for us, I left and checked into a hotel, giving her space and asking her to pack her things and move out. We didn’t communicate for a few days. When she finally reached out, she expressed a desire to talk and perhaps find a way to mend things. But the trust was broken, and I couldn’t see a future for us. I told her no.

And now, the part I didn’t see coming: she’s considering pursuing palimony payments. For those unaware, palimony is financial support provided to a partner in a non-marital relationship after separation. I’ve been informed that due to the relationship laws in our state, this could very well be a real concern. I’ve initiated the process of hiring a lawyer.

During our relationship, I took on the majority of the financial responsibilities, including the mortgage. We had an unspoken understanding – “my money is our money, her money is her money” due to our significant income differential. I never thought that my generosity would come back to haunt me.There it is, the update many of you asked for. I wish I had a happier conclusion to this chapter, but life has its twists and turns. It seems she might have the upper hand in this final act, but I’m hoping for a fair resolution. Thank you for the support and advice; it has really meant a lot.

Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:

JadedPheonix80 wrote:

You have proof of infidelity, this should have the palimony case thrown out. Her actions ended the relationship, nothing else.

Heavensworth wrote:

With respect to Palimony, there are a few aspects of your previous relationship that favour against any palimony award.

You do not have children with your ex-girlfriend.

There is no tradition of you paying 100% of the bills, even though you pay 100% of the mortgage that is in your name (right?!)

Your ex-girlfriend is of working age, sound body, and assumed to be in full-time employment.

There is no evidence of a previous agreement, verbal or written, implicit or explicit, of an award to be granted in the event of a split (please).

The ex-girlfriend has not made any significant sacrifice to her earning in support of your earning (e.g. stopping work to take care of the home).

Your state may not even support palimony and if it does, it may be a state that recognises fault (infidelity)

Either way, you seem to be a financially and emotionally stable man with fantastic deductive skills. You are a catch, and any woman would be lucky to have you!

weaverfirst wrote:

I have to be honest not knowing what state your in don’t know all the palimony laws. But I’d get back to my house! Never leave your property! Look up your states palimony laws. Having hired a PI you must have basically known what you’d find. But if your worried about her coming after you for money do your research.

But first and foremost do not communicate with her! No calls no face to face. Any emails or text (which I would avoid) write everything like a judge is going to read it in court . No matter what she says don’t engage don’t argue nothing. If she starts sending nasty emails and texts don’t respond if she posts something save it. Good luck to you.

Readsumthing wrote:

Well, she can try for palimony. I get spousal support until one of passes. However, in California it was a long-term marriage, and there were considerable weighing circumstances. Tide is turning is this country against alimony though. (especially if she’s still in career years) In your case •unmarried •5year relationship

Do your research. Seek out the megladoniest shark of a lawyer you can and let her leave with nothing. (Cheaters deserve zero consideration imo). Or cut your losses and accept that you might have to pay her for half the length of your relationship, or buy her off. (I’d go for the shark) Good luck!

“I hired a PI to watch my fiancée on her girls’ trip and now I’m torn.”