I am a 20-year-old woman I have a birthday in march during spring break. I am turning 21, this is a huge birthday for me, maybe not for anyone else. Anyways I get told by my future mother-in-law that she is planning a family trip for spring break…

She asked me my opinion and I immediately said “as long as I’m not gone on my birthday” she asked “why” and I explained something I shouldn’t even have to explain is that I want to be able to see my family.

My side of the family are very tight-knit my parents, grandparents, and two older sisters. There isn’t a lot of us so it’s important for me to see them. I told my boyfriend to talk to her and maybe get this figured out and made sure my request to be home was acknowledged, also my boyfriend was planning a birthday party for me with all the fun things such as a banner and a 21 sign, of course with just friends.Now my birthday is on the 29th that falls on a Sunday, we were planning to have my party on the 28th and eating with my family Sunday. She wanted us to go for a week on this trip 21-28, he goes and tells her this and asked can we just leave Disney a day early and she starts saying “well we just won’t even go now.” So am I the ahole?

Also we just wanted to have party on the weekend so more people would be able to show up to the party and not have to take off of work which I wouldn’t expect anyone to do that for some stupid party but you get it.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

BoyMamaBear1995 said:

NTA. But be prepared that MIL will always throw a temper tantrum and cancel plans if at any point she doesn’t get her way 100%.

catsandplants424 said:

NTA. If you go to Disney after her tantrum she owns you and your social life for as long as you stay with the boyfriend and sense your calling her MIL I’m assuming you see this as a long term relationship.

Don’t feel bad and set the boundary now that you will not bend to her every whim and tantrum. Trust me in the long run only you will suffer if you give into her. You have kids together forget seeing your family for holidays or those kids birthdays cause she plans it all. Forget planing your own wedding. You see where this goes.

swimming_quackers said:

NTA. Nothing says you can’t leave early. Let his family stay the whole time and you fly out earlier. You have every right to spend your days how you want. Go. Don’t go. It doesn’t make you TAH, it makes you an advocate of your time. No one else has to agree with you. AND MIL needs to understand that their child is creating his own family. They don’t get to decide that family vacations are a requirement.

Objective_Air8976 said:

NTA grandma is trying to manipulate you into going out of guilt.

Specific_Bet2300 said:

Nta don’t play into these games! ever!! sounds like you need to grey rock them but idk your situation.

Impossible_Rain_4727 said:

ESH: Your boyfriend should have coordinated this better. You asked him to make sure the trip didn’t conflict with your birthday plans, and he didn’t do that. However, I do think you are partially at fault. You communicated that the trip is fine, as long as you’re not gone on your birthday, which is the 29th. So she planned and booked a trip that accommodated the availability you provided and would have you home the day before on the 28th. She did listen to your request.

That said, she is obviously an asshole for getting passive-aggressive, but it would annoy me if we discussed availability, then after I fully booked everything, you told me one of the days didn’t work for you.