“AITA for breaking up with my fiancée when she sided with my ex?”
I got divorced six years ago. My wife had been cheating basically our entire marriage. Neither my daughter or the kid she was pregnant with were biologically mine. I went to court to make sure I didn’t have to pay child support.
She had committed paternity fraud so it was difficult but not impossible. Her ex boyfriend was the father. Her and my daughter moved into his apartment and that was that.
I kept my house and had no parental rights or responsibilities. It sucked. I loved my daughter. Anyways I moved on. I met someone new eventually. She had a five year old son. We were planning for our future. After three years together we got engaged. All was looking good.
Then my ex’s live imploded. Her boyfriend died. They had a grand total of like $20,000 in savings. His parents were the beneficiaries of his $100,000 life insurance. They put it into education funds for the kids.
My ex can’t afford her life anymore. This is not my problem in my opinion. Her family won’t help her. She has two young children and no support. So she has been reaching out to me.
Forget that noise. I told her no. I told her to leave me alone. I blocked her everywhere. So she came by the house. I wasn’t home. My fiancée was. They talked. I’m in the wrong apparently.
I got home and they were still talking. I need to help my ex. That’s not going to happen. My fiancee said that she wasn’t sure she could marry me if I was so heartless. I agreed and called off the wedding.
I told her that her and her son had thirty days to get out of my house. She tried backtracking but she had shown me her true face. I’m apparently just a walking wallet. I have zero interest in that.
My ex fiancée moved back in with her parents. I made sure that everything that belonged to her was out of my house. Her and her parents have been trying to contact me to get me to change my mind. I don’t see their point at all.
I don’t expect my partner to agree with me on everything. But on important things we need to be a united front. My ex and her kids have moved in with her boyfriends parents but they aren’t really welcome there. Not my problem.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Proper_Fun_977
NTA.
She made an ultimatum, you took it.
shimmu
wait so your fiancee just… took your ex’s side after hearing ONE sob story?? that’s a massive red flag bro, you dodged a bullet there honestly.
PollutionOk1770 (OP)
She’s been hearing a lot over the last couple of months.
redelectro7
How?
PollutionOk1770 (OP)
Because my ex has been trying to contact everyone i know to get to me.
Busy_Scientist5086
NTA none of it is your issue. You were wronged and the woman you were going to marry sided with her. Good riddance.
Alternative_Bet_9295
Exactly. People keep acting like he owes her something morally, but she blew that up years ago. He was ready to move forward with someone new, and instead of backing him, the fiancée basically guilt-tripped him over trauma he didn’t cause. That’s a red flag.
atfry08
Ex-wife should apply for social security benefits for the kids. Not your circus, not your monkeys. NTA.
Substantial_Cap3720
Exactly. Social security survivor benefits are literally designed for this situation. It’s tragic, sure, but that doesn’t mean OP has to step back into a mess he already fought hard to get out of. Sympathy doesn’t equal obligation.
hXcRagemachine
That’s wild she let your ex in your house.
SassySal51
Not sure why your fiance thought she should insert herself into this mess….so yes, while I feel sorry for the kids, it is not your problem as bad crazy for your fiance to think it is.
Successful_Pause001
I’m not understanding the part where the ex-wife and the ex-fiance don’t get a place together since they are so tight. In seriousness, what-the-actual-F man? You have no responsibility and I think you dodged a bullet. Good call.
Resident-Doubt-8179
Okay gonna play devils advocate here. She didn’t give you an ultimatum…she said she “wasn’t sure”…now take a second to consider this. Your ex fiancée has a child, meaning she has been a single mother at some point herself.
She has experienced the hardship of this and now she’s seeing a woman thrust into that position because of a death (so extra trauma). It makes sense she would have empathy for a woman in that position, even one as awful as your ex wife.
Also though you say you’ve moved on, you did also say you once loved your daughter and raised her – even if she wasn’t biologically yours. Her son won’t be biologically yours also. So she seeing you not even consider for a moment helping out a non biological child you had once been involved with. This again might be clouding her judgement and triggering her concerns.
I don’t think your an AH but I think you really jumped the gun calling off the wedding and kicking her and her son out and I think you’re going to regret this when you cool down and consider more where she may have been coming from.
Better-Mistake-149
This comment should be higher up. I get the feeling there are big parts of this story that are missing. OP’s ex fiancee might have been the one that dodged a bullet.
Reasonable-Owl5920
I think I’m missing something (perhaps the crazy chromosome) because I’m at a loss on the logic in this. Is your ex fiancé a soft hearted person who wants to rescue everybody and is prone to being conned?
Or does she really think you’re in the wrong and should help a woman who cheated on you and tried to pass off a child as yours? (Sometimes it’s hard to hear a sob story face to face and walk away not feeling a certain way.)
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
