“AITA for telling my sisters their houses better be clean since they’re SAHM’s?”

I (35f) and have two sisters, Jane (33f) and Gill (30f). I had a day off recently and invited them to breakfast since we haven’t really had time like that together since I started my new job two years ago.

While we were talking, I mentioned that my husband is annoyed that we pay my mom to clean our house every two weeks. He thinks we only need her once a month. What bothered me is that for over 10 years…

I worked full-time, was basically a single parent half the year because his job has him out of town for 6+ months, and I still did about 95% of the cleaning. Even when he was home, nothing really changed. I worked, I parented, I cleaned. I was exhausted all the time & my depression/anxiety were always through the roof.

Before I went back to school and started this more demanding career (teacher), I told him straight up: if I’m doing this, I’m not carrying the housework anymore. He agreed. So I stopped. I have never been happier.When I told my sisters he said I should be doing more around the house, they basically agreed with him. Jane said our house is just dirty and that it’s not that hard to make my son clean up.That really hurt. They know how much housework I’ve carried for years with almost no help. Could we do 50/50? Maybe, but I know that will end up with me just doing it all again and I REFUSE!I told them I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically drained from teaching teenagers all day. During the summer, when I’m off for months, we don’t even have my mom clean because I can manage it. But during the school year? I don’t have it in me.I also pointed out that the mess isn’t even mine. My bedroom and bathroom are clean. The clutter is mostly from my husband and son. They brushed that off and basically said that doesn’t count.

At that point I snapped. I said it’s easy to call me lazy when they’ve never worked a day in their life. I said if I didn’t work, my house would probably be spotless too because I wouldn’t be exhausted all the time. Out of spite, I also said that since they stay home, their houses should be clean every day because it’s the least they could do. Especially since their kids are at school all day.They were mad, especially Jane. She reminded me that she helps a ton with raising my son & his extracurriculars, which is true. All these years she’s been a huge help and I am genuinely grateful.I don’t think that I would have made it to where I am without her and my moms support. But I told her she doesn’t get to call me lazy and expect me to just take it. I always back her up when she says her husband doesn’t do enough at home.

I chose to be a working mom because I KNOW how hard being a SAHM is. I could never do it. I’m just tired of being labeled the “lazy” one because I don’t cook every meal, keep a perfect house, or do all the traditional “wife” stuff.We can afford to pay someone to clean. That’s the choice we made. And unless my husband wants to step up and take over most of the housework, I’m not going back to doing it all. I did that for over a decade.done being judged for not wanting to live like that anymore. So AITA for telling my sisters their houses better be clean everyday since they’re SAHM’s?

NOTE: I will bring it up again, but they may not want to talk about it. I’ll give it try anyways. As for my sisters, they can be judgy, but so can I. As I get older I try to be better, but I don’t always succeed. As far as the SAHM, I do not feel lk they should have their house spotless. I was being ugly and petty, but I did not mean it. My sisters do alot and have raised great kids.

As far as my husband, he does more housework then I do these days. My kid on the other hand… yea he should have more responsibilities. I will discuss this with hubs to give him set chores around the house.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

FictionalPinxit said:

NTA. They threw the first stone. They shouldn’t dish it out if they can’t take it. You weren’t saying that purely because they’re SAHMs, you didn’t say it out of ignorance, you said it because they should be held to the same standards to which they hold you.

the-real-her said

NTA – the internal misogyny your sisters have is showing.

Sissy3463 said:

Everyone in a household should help with chores, not just one person. And it’s not a flex to kill yourself doing everything yourself instead of hiring it out. That’s called supporting the patriarchy and not acknowledging you have equal worth and value of your own.

Financial-Break-3696 said:

NTA- but word of caution don’t alienate your sister otherwise you’re really gonna be in a bind when she refuses to help you w/your son.

SparklingChaos_1984 said:

NTA. After reading the title I was fully ready to come in here and say the opposite, but aw hell nah. They started it! You followed their own argument to its logical conclusion and pointed it at them, and they didn’t like that. Height of hypocrisy.

Scootchula said:

NTA – Time to stop by their houses unexpectedly and give them a white glove test.

Otherwise-Wall-6950 said:

They threw a stone first and you threw a boulder back.

UPDATE: For the first time in our lives we apologized to each other over something we said. Thanks everyone! I am trying hard to be emotionally mature and change the way we were raised, but it doesn’t always work out. I don’t know what I am doing, but as the oldest I should try to lead us to place where we treat ourselves better.

“AITA for telling my sisters their houses better be clean since they’re SAHM’s?”