“AITA for making my friend get back to the airport alone?”
A friend (27F) and I (25F) went on a cruise together that required us to get a transfer of some sort back to the airport a few hours away. The area we’re passing through is beautiful, so from the very beginning of planning this trip I was excited to take a scenic train ride to the airport.
A few months before departure, I told her that we needed to go ahead and book the excursions we want so they don’t sell out (plus they were on a big sale and it seemed like that was the lowest they’d go).
She dragged her feet on it a little bit because she wanted to wait for an even better deal. I went ahead and booked mine but told her she should probably book her spot soon. Sure enough, the price never changed and eventually sold out.
She ended up booking a charter bus in the hopes that a spot would open up on the train. We went on the cruise and had a lot of fun. No tickets ever became available so she had to take the bus when we got off the ship. As soon as we were about to part ways, I felt her energy shift and could tell she was mad about something.
She arrived at the airport before me and when I got there she asked for details about the train. I told her how pretty it was but kept it short because I could still feel some obvious tension. We flew home and she has now been distant for a few days.
Today she reached out and told me she’s mad at me for not canceling my train ticket to go on the bus with her. I told her that she knew I was really looking forward to the train ride and that I reminded her a couple times to get the ticket before it sold out.
She said a real friend would have taken the bus with her instead and that I’m “incredibly selfish” for basically abandoning her (the bus took her directly to the airport, no shuttle needed…unlike my train).
She’s currently “taking some space to think about whether or not this friendship should continue” and I’m just not sure how/why I’m the bad guy. I’m very confused because she never said anything beforehand. I don’t make a lot of money, so going on this cruise and taking the train was probably a once in a lifetime opportunity unless I somehow manage to win the lottery one day.
But now I’m wondering if it should have been a no-brainer to do what she wanted. So… AITA?
This is what people had to say to OP:
SparkleSelkie said:
NTA. I’ve been the friend that was slow to book, and it’s really not that big of a deal at all. I had a fine time by myself
Key-Independence3088 said:
NTA. You saved, planned and executed. You provided her with the information she needed to also be a part of the experience. She willingly chose to drag her feet and ended up on the bus.
You shouldn’t have to cancel your experience to apiece her. I get that yall were traveling together however, there was a plan that she decided not to follow. That’s on her. Sounds like she’s the selfish and inconsiderate one. I hope you enjoyed yourself!
OP responded:
The train was amazing! It was honestly really peaceful after a week of never really being alone with my thoughts.
gridface-princess said:
NTA. Don’t travel with this friend anymore. Her not buying the ticket when you bought yours should have been a no go. She sounds bad at planning things. I wouldn’t trust her on another trip.
OP responded:
Oh trust me, I learned my lesson! It was my first time doing a big trip with a friend in general, and probably my last.
Charming-Anywhere974 said:
NTA – reworded without emotional manipulation “OP you’re not a real friend because you didn’t suffer the consequences of my actions with me”…. Flip the script “I am upset that you didn’t share this magical moment with me, how selfish you were to abandon me in my time of joy by being so cheap”….
And OP responded:
Yeah honestly this whole thing is making me reflect on our whole friendship, and I think she has always been this way. I didn’t fully realize it because it was never a huge deal and she has never questioned my character before. But trying to make me feel like I’m a bad friend or a selfish person has to be the final straw, I think. I’ve always heard that trips really test your relationships and now I see why!
Two days later, OP shared this update:
I finally talked to her this morning. She wanted to facetime so I thought it was a sign that she thought this was important and would take accountability. Nope. No apology, no self reflection, no real acknowledgement about her part in everything. She implied that I was the one who should apologize but said she decided we shouldn’t make it a big deal.
Before my post I probably would have just let it go, but all the comments honestly made me do a lot of reflecting in the friendship. I realized she has a habit of victimizing herself in pretty much every situation to make people feel bad. I’ve dealt with stuff like that my whole life with family so I think it just felt…normal?
Anyway, I told her that I don’t appreciate her not taking accountability for not getting the ticket in time and that I had nothing to apologize for. We had a pointless back and forth over it and then she said I should have just bought her ticket when I bought mine since I was the one who was actually excited about taking the train.
That was honestly my last straw and I ended up telling her I’m not interested in a friendship like this. She said she doesn’t think she’s interested in one either, and we just awkwardly/angrily said goodbye.
This happened like 6 hours ago and she hasn’t reached out in that time. I guarantee she’ll still have the same attitude even if she reaches out eventually, so I’m taking this as a sign that this is the end of our friendship. I feel a little sad but also very relieved??? If you’ve gone through a friendship breakup with an emotionally manipulative person, I’m sure you can relate.
