“AITA for rejecting my mother-in-law’s challenge?”
I am a knitter and enjoy making all kinds of things, but for the most part, I knit things for me or my husband. I don’t have the heart to buy nice yarn, a pattern, and put hours into making something for someone just to watch it be treated like crap. I have no say over what others do with the things I give them so I just don’t.My MIL said “I have a challenge for you, IF you’re up to it.” She pointed at a picture on her phone and said that the challenge was for me to make her a Sophie scarf that would match a dress.I asked her, why is she framing it as a challenge when it’s just her asking me to knit something for her? She didn’t have an answer and just said if I’m up to the challenge I can give it a try.I asked my husband what I should do. He said to just flat out tell her no. But I figured it would be nice to at least meet her halfway. I asked her to send me a picture of the dress and went to my yarn store to get yarn in a color I thought would be good and a pair of needles from my own stash. I got her a “learn to knit” book.
The next time I saw her I gave it all to her and said that here is all the stuff she would need to make her Sophie scarf, except the pattern she’d need to buy herself. She looked at it like what the heck and said in this pity voice “Oh you couldn’t figure it out?”I said nope I’ve made myself a few. But I thought it would be better for her to learn how to knit and she would be able to challenge herself. She frowned at it but didn’t say anything else to me and just set the yarn aside.She did however go to my husband and tell him that all she had done was give me a challenge but I hadn’t even tried. He heard her out but told her it was ultimately up to me. I have unfortunately seen her posting on her FB about how she doesn’t get my generation and why we have to make everything so difficult. I thought this would be an interesting question to pose to you all, so AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
OriginalSchmidt1 said:
ESH, mom picked the wrong way to ask, but you over complicated it by buying the stuff and telling her to learn to knit when you could have just said no and explained why. I’ve told people I would never knit for them because I don’t trust them to care for it.She didn’t express an interest in knitting, she wanted you to make it, all you had to say was no. Buying all the supplies and giving it to her feels like you were going out of your way to make a point.
If I were her I would really confused why you bought me all this knitting equipment instead of just telling me no. You could have also said “I’ve already made this pattern, so I don’t need the challenge.” Either way, buying her the supplies just made things confusing and complicated when you could have just declined the “challenge.” Nothing wrong with saying no, I don’t want to.
Expert_Wishbone_5854 said:
ESH. A simple no would have sufficed.
glib_result said:
Honestly, while you’re NTA overall, your response is annoying. You don’t want to spend time & money to make something that won’t be appreciated, so you spend time and money (admittedly less time) to give her something she won’t appreciate?
There is NO way you thought she would appreciate this. This wasn’t about meeting her halfway, this was about you making a “f you” gesture because you’re annoyed at her. So YTA for pretending otherwise.
SillyMoose26 said:
ESH – should’ve just said no like your husband said. She’s weird, responding to passive aggressiveness with your own version is also weird. This wasn’t meeting half way, this was you trying to make a point.
No-Strawberry-5804 said:
ESH you’re both too old to be acting like this. Your husband even told you to just tell her no.
Professional-Scar628 said:
I’m saying YTA only because you dealt with this in an unnecessarily passive aggressive way. If this is a frequent thing she does, that would change my verdict, but otherwise just say no.
chefsoda_redux said:
NTA. This is like someone challenging you to clean out their garage. She wants something, and is trying to set up the situation so your success is based on her getting what she wants. This is often successful in getting 4 year olds to clean, but not something adults should be trying.
InfiniteSpaz said:
YTA. It may be a generational thing, but when my mom was excited about something she thought would be hard but I’d enjoy she framed it this way. I like overcoming challenges. They are things meant to be bested and overcome, not an insult. I like trying things that are hard.
She may have meant it as a way to for you to test your skill, plus the need to match the colors can also be challenging, but you took it as some kind of personal attack. Its entirely possible you completely misunderstood the nature of the ‘challenge’ in question.
I don’t think she was the ahole for this. I do think if she wanted a favor from you she should have just asked, but I also think you took offense where none was meant. The real issue for me is the games you played after your husband asked you not to.
The fact that he asked you to just tell her no tells me you have done things like this before. Instead of just saying “No, I don’t want to” you went the passive aggressive route and had her send pics without telling her why, spent a bunch of money on things you knew wouldn’t get used then smugly gave her the supplies as some kind of “gotcha” when your husband asked you to just be an adult and say no.
