“AITA for not letting my parentsbe involved grandparents because they chose my sister’s friend over me?”
I’m (25F) pregnant with my first child, and only a few weeks ago, my estranged parents found out about my pregnancy from someone I know back in my hometown. They reached out, so excited to find out they were going to be grandparents and wanting to be involved, but I ignored them and continued ignoring them until two days ago when I replied one time,I made it clear they will never know my child or be in our lives and that I wanted them to stop contacting me. This was all via email, by the way. Let me give some background. I have an older sister, Sam (28), and she had a best friend, Luna.Sam and Luna met in pre-K and became fast friends. Luna was over at our house all the time, and eventually, she started saying really awful things to me and bullying me. She called me names, mocked me whenever I asked if I could spend time with her and Sam, threw stuff at me when she saw me, and even made a game out of spitting at me to see how many times she could hit me.
My parents knew, and they did nothing, but when I was 7, they sat me down and told me that Luna had a bad time at home and that even though she was mean, she needed us, and I needed to understand. They told me Luna was so important to Sam and that she would grow up into a better person if we didn’t abandon her.She used to come along to extended family parties and dinners. I remember one time when my mom’s side was all meeting up, and because my parents didn’t say Luna was coming, we were a chair short for a bit. Luna took the chair and then said there was no room for me at the table, just like there wasn’t room for me anywhere, and that I should cry in a corner somewhere.My mom’s family was horrified, and I started to cry. I was about 9 by then. My grandparents ended up leaving the table and getting one for just the three of us. They spoiled me while refusing to pay for a single thing Luna consumed. They also asked me what was going on, and I told them EVERYTHING.
Afterward, my parents got so much criticism from my mom’s side of the family, and my mom’s parents contacted my dad’s parents, so they were shamed by both sides. When they had enough of that, my parents told Sam that Luna needed to come over less or be nicer.
They stuck to that for a while. My grandparents checked in on me weekly to see if my parents were “letting that spoiled little madam into the house to torment me,” and I think that was the only deterrent for my parents.
But when I was 12, my parents let Luna move in with us. They said her home situation was worse, that she was going to apologize, and that we needed to make sure she felt wanted and welcome with us.
I got a “sorry, I guess” from her, but I could hear her making fun of me to Sam whenever my parents weren’t around. She laughed about how I looked betrayed when my parents told me she was moving in. She found it hilarious. I think you can see whose side Sam was always on.
I lived like that for a little over a year before it got to be too much, and I told my grandparents Luna was living with us. They went ballistic on my parents, and after weeks or months of fighting about it, my grandparents insisted I was going to move in with them.
My parents protested, but my grandparents said they couldn’t be trusted to take care of me. My parents wouldn’t kick out Luna for me, so yeah. I lived with my grandparents for the rest of that time, and I actually live in the same neighborhood as them with my partner now.
I had zero contact with my parents once I moved in with my grandparents. These emails were the first contact in more than a decade. My parents keep replying to that one email. I got like four within a few minutes about an hour after I sent it, and they’re telling me I’m taking this too far. They said Luna isn’t even in the picture anymore. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
FierceFemme77
Your grandparents checked on you weekly to see if your parents were “letting that spoiled little madam into the house to torment you”? This sounds like bad fictional writing.
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
That’s what they described her as a bunch of times back then. They said they did not want to hear Luna was back in the house again. And they really didn’t care about her hard life because and they told my parents they were saving one tormented child by offering up another kid for a^%se.
Electronic-Buy-1786
Document everything for restraining order and possible harassment suit.
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
All the emails are still there.
TwizzoHunter
NTA, question? Where was your sister during all this time? Did she try to stop it? Or was she involved too?
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
She was there. She witnessed the spitting stuff and she was the person Luna said all the stuff to behind mine and my parents backs when she moved in. My sister was always on Luna’s side.
ubottles65
Your grandparents are f^%$#$g legends!
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
Yes they are. My extended family are all good people. But my grandparents are the best.
trythisoutchiki
NTA your child deserves to be in an environment without hostility. Your older sister sat there and went right along with it. Same with your parents. None of your immediate family is owed time with your child.
Keep documentation of everything they try to do or say. Sounds like restraining orders may be needed in the future. Won’t lie they will likely try and get your sister or other family involved.
I’d make it abundantly clear to other family members that you don’t talk with your parents or sister and they don’t need to know where you live, work, or hang around. Also warn your friends, I’ve had too many instances of friends trying to help cause they weren’t aware of the situation.
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
I have no contact with my sister either. And my extended family would never side with them on this after everything my parents let me go through. My friends know the deal. So does my partner and his family. Everyone who knows me knows my parents let my bully live with us and that they expected me to suck it up.
mcmurrml
If you and your partner are not married you need to get legal papers drawn up and appoint someone as your next of kin for legal and medical situation. You don’t want them in charge or any decision making. Please take care of this.
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
That was taken care of years ago and has been updated since.
Vegoia2
Glad you have good grands, of course luna isnt with them now, did she use them and then went NC?
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
I don’t actually know what happened.
Educational_Bar_1809
NTA. Your parents pretty much tossed you aside for your tormentor. Fuck them. They chose not to communicate with their daughter for over a decade. They don’t deserve to play happy grandparents when they couldn’t even step up to be your proper parents. Congratulations!!!!
I’m curious though, what happened to Luna and why isn’t she in the picture anymore? Your parents had time to contact you before now.
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
I have no idea what happened to her. I’m not even sure if they still talk to my sister or not.
Terrible_Delivery84
Could you imagine picking another child over your baby? No, me either but your parents did. I don’t think your child needs people like that in their life.
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
Not me and my baby isn’t even in my arms yet. But I can’t imagine picking anyone else over my child.
Altruistic-Bunny
I wonder if they would have reached out to you if you had not not been pregnant, probably not. It sounds like there was little to no attempt to correct luna’s behavior beyond telling you to just take it. What crap parents. NTA
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
I don’t think so. Not when it took them hearing about the pregnancy for them to reach out.
Hawkmonbestboi
Tell your grandparents they wont leave you alone 🤣
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
I’m considering it lol.
Hawkmonbestboi
What is their opinion of your sister? Considering she was just as guilty as Luna?
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
They’re incredibly disappointed in her and now it’s outright disgust. They believe that’s a failure on my parents part mostly because they modeled putting someone else before family like that. The fact Sam never spoke up in my defense also disgusted my grandparents. To know she didn’t even feel torn by it.
groovymama98
Nta. So…. they wanted to help Luna become a better person by allowing her to terrorize their own younger daughter?
Any attempt by them would be met with, you wanted Luna.
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
They don’t see it that way but that is how it went. My grandparents said they wanted to save one child by letting another child be a*&$%d instead, and their own kid too.
[deleted]
“they said Luna isn’t even in the picture anymore.” This is the part that rips my heart out. Luna isn’t even around anymore and they still didn’t contact you? That’s effed up. NC forever.
Glittering_Bag_3055 OP:
It doesn’t surprise me at all. They had already chosen her. Why go after the one they never really gave a damn about.
Ok-Preference-712 says:
Well well well the consequence train is right on time isn’t it. Guess Sam took the kicking after you left. What is the saying f around and find out. Your parents have and you get to live a happy life without them.
Eastern_Condition863 says:
“They said Luna isn’t even in the picture anymore.” This is the part that rips my heart out. Luna isn’t even around anymore and they still didn’t contact you? That’s effed up. NC forever.
Dependent_Pilot1031 says:
It took them 10 years to contact their daughter. What did they expect? They are not family anymore. NTA.
FryOneFatManic says:
I’m sorry you had to endure that. I’m glad your grandparents were on your side. NTA. Actions have consequences, and now they’re finding out those consequences.
What do you think?
