“AITA for deciding to stay full time with my grandparents because I don’t want to follow rules set by my dad’s girlfriend?”
My dad kind of shared custody with my grandparents for most of my life. He had legal custody, but they helped out by taking me for several days or even a week or two each month. I (17M) was still close to my dad. We spent time together and he was involved in my life. When his job kept him late, it was easier for me to stay at my grandparents’ house instead of getting home late or being on my own.
My dad and grandparents had the same household rules, and I never had any issues with them. About a year ago, my dad started dating someone new. She seems fine, but she has a lot of rules and is stricter than my dad.
When my dad told me he had decided to move in with her at her house, I asked how that would work. He said I would need to follow her rules, and she had made that clear to him. He also said she would be enforcing them and that I would need to treat her like I treat him or my grandparents.
I did not want to follow her rules. They are very different from what I am used to, and some of them feel extreme to me. I did not think it was fair to ask my dad to delay moving in with her, so I asked my grandparents if I could live with them full time. They said yes. My dad was upset, but he told me that if this was what I wanted, he would make sure we still spent time together.
I now live with my grandparents, and my dad lives with his girlfriend. She is offended that I chose to live with my grandparents and that I did not want to follow her rules. She tried to insist that I follow some of her rules even though I do not live with her.
For example, she wanted me to have dinner with her and her kids and help make the meal, even though my dad would not usually be there. She also wanted me to join them on Sundays for her planned family time.
I work on Sundays, so that was already not possible, but even on my day off I do not want to feel obligated to spend it there. She also expected me to help her niece move, since one of her rules is that you help family members move and cancel any plans to do so. Her kids were helping as well.
My grandparents were surprised that she was trying to enforce her rules when I do not live in her home. My dad told her to stop, and she mostly did. However, she said it was bratty of me to choose to live apart from him rather than follow her rules.
She also said I was not showing her the respect she deserved. I told her she is not my parent and does not get to demand the same kind of respect that requires me to do whatever she says. Am I in the wrong?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Practical-Cup-4828 says:
NTA. She is not your parent or guardian and you do not live in her house. She doesn’t have any standing in your life other than as your fathers girlfriend. She has no authority to demand you respect her as a parent or try and lay down any kind of rules or requests. As long as you treat her respectfully and with kindness (in as far as that is how you should treat people in general), you are all good.
Hoplite68 says:
NTA. Your father was a part time parent and shared that with your grandparents. He has chosen to move in with a woman who has children and a lot of rules. You opted to not move in and she’s upset because she’s constructed a narrative and you’re not doing what she wants.
NUredditNU says:
Lmfao she’s out of her mind. Talk about dramatically over reaching! NTA.
OP responded:
That sums her up. Her and her rules are not for me and she’s making that more clear by the day.
What do you think?
