“AITA if I don’t help my friend find a hairdresser for her wedding?”
My (28F) good friend Christine (also 28F) is getting married in 4 weeks, and has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding along with another friend, and her sister as maid of honour. Prepping for the wedding has been fun so far, but some drama has cropped up RE hair and makeup.
Christine was initially planning to do her own hair and makeup, but at our (bridesmaids) urging, she’s now decided she does want a professional hair and makeup artist.
I think it’s relevant to mention we encouraged this because she wants to wear an updo and she also doesn’t do her own makeup very often, and that she also made this decision after doing a trial run (with her sister’s help), which I think didn’t go to plan. She does not expect us to get our hair and makeup done professionally (unless we want to)
The drama is that Christine has now asked us (bridesmaids) to find her a hairdresser and makeup artist – specifically, she’s asked us to find a selection of different hairdressers, confirm if they are available on the day of her wedding and able to come to the wedding location (which is not near a major city), and get quotes from each of them so she can compare options.
AITA for thinking this is a bit much to request from bridesmaids, particularly with the wedding being only 4 weeks away? And WIBTA if I told her (kindly, of course) that I’m happy to help her google some options, but it’s her responsibility to communicate with her own vendors?
For context, I feel like we’ve already done a fair share of bridesmaid duties (we have planned her bachelorette night and will be paying for her portion of it; we paid for our own bridesmaids dresses; and on the wedding weekend we will be helping set up the venue, make placecards/table decor and helping make some sauces to accompany the catering).
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
IceRose81 wrote:
ESH. As you (and the other bridesmaids) were the ones who were urging her to have her hair & makeup professionally done on her wedding day, you should be willing to help her find someone who is available on fairly short notice. She sucks because she shouldn’t be expecting you to do it on your own and SHE should also be searching for hairdressers/makeup artists too.
panicparade7 wrote:
I say NTA, but at the same time, is it really worth fighting over?? You’re already making a bunch of things for this wedding, and have done all the bridesmaids duties. I think maybe she’s stressed out because this wasn’t planned so she is asking for help. If she couldn’t afford a wedding planner, this would make sense.
A wedding planner would have been the right call if she didn’t want to plan it herself. I feel like the whole thing seems like it depends on the friends attitude. Is she stressed and overwhelmed and asking for a lifeline? Or is she being demanding and rude.
skwigi wrote:
NAH is my take on this. It’s not a crazy ask on the bride’s part, but it’s also not unreasonable if you aren’t up to the task and say so. Maybe you could work together with the other bridesmaid and the sister to get the job done?
Divvy it up so one of you googles stylists and makeup artists, another of you makes the phone calls and appointments, another of you goes with the bride-to-be for trial appointments/meet-and-greets, etc.
The bride still needs to meet these people and make decisions about who works and who doesn’t, no one can decide that for her, but the logistics might not be impossible to manage if you all do it together. Just a thought.
wonderfulquery wrote:
NTA but maybe to avoid conflict see if another bridesmaid/specifically the maid of honor would be willing to take this task on? I would frame it as saying you dont think you’re the best equipped to help her with this.
Personally, I think when brides expect more help they need to expect it from the maid of honor, theres more planning and involvement with that role. Or if you think any of the other bridesmaids are particularly savvy with knowing hair/makeup people.
Like I know in my friend group there is one girl who is like master of the internet, and if I needed help finding someone last minute she would be my go to for help. Its not your responsibility either way, but wedding planning is so stressful it may be better to bite the bullet than to ‘trigger’ the bride and start any sort of beef before the wedding.
Vivid-Win-4801 wrote:
NTA. So this is not your job. It’s hers. Bridesmaid does not mean personal assistant. She can look up mau and hair stylist. She can call or email for quotes and availability and she can book them. Straight up tell her no. Tell her you are not going to be investing that kind of time or energy into this, ans it’s her responsibility.
CatsMom4Ever wrote:
NTA. That’s why people hire wedding planners.
After receiving lots of feedback, OP shared an update:
EDIT: Thanks everyone for your responses 🙂 For additional context:
The bride actually has already asked her MOH to do this but is unhappy with her efforts, so is now asking me and the other bridesmaid.
RE urging the bride to get professional hair/makeup, this is not a recent development – we all suggested this about 8 months ago when she bought her dress and decided she wanted to wear an updo
In retrospect, I think I’m not bothered by the request, more by the manner in which she asked (messaged me and the other bridesmaid privately to complain that MOH is doing a bad job, then very bluntly asked one of us to take over – without expressing gratitude or acknowledging that the degree of effort involved).
After reading everyone’s responses, I see how I should probably give her some grace because she’s stressed. I might counter-suggest that the bride, MOH and myself divvy up the work between us and see how that goes as a compromise 🙂
Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:
Nice_Kale_4719 wrote:
NTA. Unless you have someone to recommend, finding a hairdresser that works for her is not the thing to outsource. She’s already annoyed with one bridesmaid who helped wrong. If it’s such a small ask, she should do it herself the way she wants.
Shopping for someone else is never time efficient. You come up with multiple options you think they might like and a decent share of them will never be considered. I would never ask someone else to do the work of finding options for a service I know I’m going to be picky about. If you guys help out it should be on something less decision-oriented.
Ok-Nature-5440 wrote:
Please don’t play this game. You are not the asshole. I’ve worked with both high end weddings, as well as pregnant, barefoot brides. It is her responsibility to seek out a hairdresser, pay for a consultation, or a run-through. Upscale weddings are a bit much, you have a group of people from out of town, they are not regulars, and are entitled.
I’ve literally worked at a low-end salon, they expected priority service, 3 hours before wedding. You all gave her guidance to go to a professional. I suggest she does, and expect to pay for a professional service. Weddings are stressful AF, but don’t bring that stress to a salon. It’s really never appreciated.
4eth wrote:
NTA. The bigger issue here is the timeline. What she’s requesting is a BIG ask only 4 weeks out. MUHs are generally booked months, even up to a year in advance for bridal. And with good reason. I’m doubtful you’ll find someone on such short notice.
You were right to try and convince her to do pro MUH, but the bride took long to finally come around. Y’all might end up having to look up some YouTube tutorials and doing it for her.
