I posted a haul from the food pantry because I was genuinely excited to finally have food. I had an interview with them and was accepted for one meal a day and one grocery pickup a week. A friend of mine is upset and says I’m “stealing from the homeless.” We don’t even talk often.For context: my boyfriend and I make about $1,900 a month combined. Our rent alone is $1,400, that’s not including car insurance, gas, utilities, or anything else. By the end of the month, we’re left with pennies just trying to survive.I’m 23, and somehow my friends think I’m doing something wrong because I don’t ask my parents or my wealthy grandparents for food. I have asked before, but I’m not comfortable having to ask every single week just to eat.I don’t understand how being relieved and excited about finally having access to food while I’m struggling financially makes me a bad person. I’m actively trying to find a second job, and my boyfriend is too. I am trying to figure it out on my own!!Food is a basic necessity. We shouldn’t have to panic about eating.So how am I wrong here? Am I really stealing from the homeless??? Or am I just someone who needs help right now? Conflicted.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
lighthouse_on_mars wrote:
NTA. Food pantries are there for people who need food. You need it. Very simple concept. Just because you have an apartment doesn’t mean you don’t need the help. What about single mothers?
By her definition, Single Mothers that cover all bills on their own shouldn’t be able to use a food pantry because they have a home/apartment. Food pantries are not JUST for the homeless. And honestly, that kind of thinking is very belittling and insulting.
OP responded:
I agree, I couldn’t describe the feeling at first but yes. Very belittling. Thank you.
Acrobatic_Key_136 wrote:
NTA but you do need to make sure you start thinking things through before you act. A “haul” is a show of capitalistic abundance. So by sharing your food bank “haul” you’ve inadvertently likened it to a shopping spree. And it certainly isn’t that. At 23 you get a bit of a pass, but you’re also well enough into adulthood that what you did is rather cringe and you ought to have known better.
Full stop, I am glad you are fed. You qualify for those resources and you should absolutely use them. However, it sounds like you were raised with privilege and you need to unlearn some of that so you don’t do more harm than good when speaking publicly about using said services.
ETA- the posting is cringe, not going to the food bank. Food banks are awesome and keep humans alive. Those I am all for. My issue is with posting hauls of every damn thing. Especially a food bank “haul” without context or activism.
OP responded:
I see how that can be perceived but when I was doing the “haul” I was just so excited I had food and wanted to show and raise awareness. I didn’t think further than that, I get people can perceive it wrongly. As all things. Just wasn’t expecting such a bad reaction from my friend.
Pandoratastic wrote:
NTA.
Food banks aren’t just for the homeless. Food banks are the foodless, which happens to include the homeless but is not limited to them. Food banks are for anyone who can’t afford food.
teenytinybees wrote:
I volunteer a lot with our county’s food bank, and I’m guessing by the cars that come through our drive-by pickup line that most of the families are housed. Quite a few drive pretty nice cars, too. At first that didn’t sit quite right with me (one is a huge new pickup truck that I’m guessing cost at least 50-60 grand).
But then I realized that I don’t know anyone’s life story. People may have purchased a nice car when they had a job. Maybe now they don’t, and are stuck with car payments, rent, and other things that leave less money for food.
Maybe they hang on to that car because they’re looking for work and need it to commute if they find employment. So I don’t judge. And your friends shouldn’t either. You’re clearly struggling a bit financially. You have nothing to feel bad about. And when you’re back on better footing, maybe do a little volunteering at the food bank and give back that way.
withoutcatsallislost wrote:
NTA as staff at the food bank deemed it appropriate for you to have access to once weekly groceries.
When your finances improve you can donate to food resources in your area if you feel like paying back the assistance.
OP responded:
Yes that is the goal one day.
Thelexhibition wrote:
NTA. If the food pantry has deemed you eligible to receive food from them, then don’t let anyone else shame you into not taking the food you need and deserve. So many programs out there to support people access the food they need are undermined by social pressure and shame. You do not have to be homeless and completely without income before you are allowed to access social supports.
Xavius20 wrote:
NTA. The only time I’ve needed food banks was when I was housed but broke as hell. If I didn’t use them, I’d either starve or end up homeless. Using them kept me housed, just as using them is helping to keep you and your boyfriend housed.
Would your friends rather you don’t eat, or don’t pay rent so you can eat and end up homeless? Maybe then they’d be okay with you using the food banks. It’s unreasonable to expect someone to ask friends or family for food or money every day/week.
Affordability aside since that’s not a factor for your family, it’s just a crappy feeling having to ask people for food or money all the time. You start to feel like a burden or a freeloader, not someone just trying to survive. If your friends are so worried about how you’re surviving, perhaps they could help out so you don’t have to rely on food banks.
ouijabore wrote:
NTA. Food pantries are for people who need food. And it sounds like they have a screening process and determined yep, you need food! It’s not like you’re going around lying about your circumstances and evilly chuckling about it. Your friends are lucky they haven’t been in a position of need like that.
shehondaslabband wrote:
I think i might be an AH. Because my immediate response was “why are you posting donated food?” Just eat it, appreciate it, and go on about your business.” But it’s normal for hungry people to be excited about getting sustenance. And I wish you well.
