“AITA for refusing to let my sister bring her kids to my wedding?”
I’m getting married in a little over two months, and my fiancée is adamant about not having kids at the wedding (it’s a very HARD no). I am of course backing her, as I don’t really have a strong opinion either way, but I know she’ll be more stressed out if there are kids running about at the venue.
My sister has two toddlers and is traveling cross-country to be at the wedding, but now she is sort of dropping the problem of what to do with her kids on us. Saying “I hope you don’t have too big of an issue when I bring them along.”
I get that it’s far away and there’s limited babysitting options (if she trusted anyone with her kids) but is it my responsibility to cater for her kids so she can come to my wedding?
Not long after posting, OP shared a small update:
Update: I should disclaim we only officially said no kids in the invites we sent about a week ago, it wasn’t mentioned in the save-the-date. I called my sister and told her I can arrange for her kids to stay the 6 hours of the events with my best man’s mom, as we’ve been friends since high school and she is acquainted with him. But she doesn’t seem too keen.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Late-Perspective8366 wrote:
My wife and I had our wedding set as childfree too back in 2015. However, childfree for us was mainly to avoid everyone bringing their kids and having many many kids run around. However, my sister had my nieces with her and they were 5 and 6 at the time. They were absolutely allowed to come.
For starters, they are my nieces and they added a nice touch. We had a violinist play during dinner and they made it amazing by dancing around him whilst he played his set. And the photos were absolutely beautiful. My sister is my family and I wouldn’t treat her like every other guest, she’s an honorary guest.
You would absolutely be the AH if you do this to her because you are leaving her between a rock and a hard place. She either has to decide if she wants to miss her brother’s special day or leave her kids and their safety in the hands of people she may not know that well.
If your wife still thinks that your sister should be treated like any other guest then I don’t think she’s a nice person to begin with. Let your sister bring her kids, this is not the hill to die on. Also, imagine what people would say when they find out that your own sister couldn’t come because you did this to her.
OP responded:
I hear what you’re saying. My fiancée also has a sister with kids, the youngest one also a toddler, so if we let my sister come with her kids, my sister-in-law must also be allowed to bring her kids, and then I feel like we might have our hands full. (My fiancée’s sister is fine with the no-kids thing, but she lives in the next town over and has a trusted babysitter and older kids as well)
natalini17 wrote:
Soft YTA. Do you want her at the wedding? If so how can she if she’s travelling cross country with 2 kids and has no one she knows to leave them with? We had ‘no kids’ at our wedding, apart from a nephew and 2 toddlers who were the children of 2 of my husband’s cousins who travelled from another country. The toddlers came or the cousins couldn’t. We preferred that they come
Unable-Poetry1691 wrote:
I’m going to get downvoted here, but I’d go with YTA. First of all, it’s your right not to invite kids, but if this makes your sister not be in your wedding, it is kind of an AH move. Also it’s my personal opinion – I don’t get childfree wedding.
This should be about family and kids are part of the family. Second of all, you let her know about “no kids policy” recently after she already committed to go to your wedding across the country and probably made some arrangements already.
hlidsaeda wrote:
When did you tell guests this was an absolute rule? When did you tell family? Did you and finance accommodate people with kids in any way knowing people and family you invited with small children had to travel cross-country? Edit: Due to the short notice on an immediate family member you’re already asking to travel, YTA.
Vivid-Course4459 wrote:
If you want her to come yes. You knew she had toddlers. You knew all family she may have trusted will be at the wedding. She isn’t living in the area so no trusted friends. You made it actively difficult for her to come with your choice not to have even family kids there.
Either let her bring them or tell her not to come, she shouldn’t be threatening to turn up with them anyway. Be prepared to have no relationship with her going forward though.
Fabulous_Cow_4450 wrote:
YTA for only telling her two months before. Having a childfree wedding is your choice but you should have told people who have to make travel plans for earlier than this.
Mellifluous_squirrel wrote:
ESH. Your fiancée for being so hardline, knowing that it will likely exclude your sister. Your sister, for “I’m going to bring them anyway.” You, for being so passive and not standing up to anyone in the hope that you can avoid being the bad guy. (Spoiler: you can’t). ETA following OP’s: You, for giving a mother of multiple small children only two months notice. Geeez.
Is_It_Soup_Season wrote:
Please expand on “babysitting” options because I wouldn’t let a stranger watch my kid either, and families generally aren’t available to babysit at family weddings. You need to be prepared for your sister to not attend at all. And you need to be supportive and okay with that. Because that’s the position you put her in when you agreed to a child-free wedding. ETA – YTA OP!
After receiving lots of feedback, OP shared an update:
Later update: I asked, and you guys answered. Thanks for the people who pointed out that the info should’ve been on the save-the-date, I confess I wasn’t very present in the arrangements at that time, and I did apologise to my sister for not communicating that earlier.
So I had a chat with the venue to arrange a room further away from the actual ceremony and reception area, but still in the same building, to set up as a “play room” for the kids. My sister and her husband (or our other family members in attendance) will have to take turns to stay and check on the kids for as long as they attend (as the venue staff are limited and busy).
My fiancée agreed to this, as it is then still technically a child-free wedding. And I still believe she deserves the day she wants. Overall, a mess that could have been avoided, but this is the best I can do with the situation. Thanks for all the feedback, I know the “unbiased third-party opinion” thing only works if the info is honest, so I am now aware of my a**hole-ish behavior in this.
Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:
Turbulent_Cow2355 wrote:
NTA. You didn’t need to put this on the save-the-date card. Your sister knew you were getting married months before the invitations went out. She could have called you at any time to clarify the situation. I’ve never seen a “save the date” card with “no kids” written anywhere on it. EVER.
It’s also 2026 where the norm is to have a child-free wedding. Your sister should have reliable babysitters at this point in her children’s lives. They are toddlers, not newborns. You found her a solution and she still balked at it.
Past-Channel5077 wrote:
Just let the kids come, they’re your family and soon to be hers. I have had family members be weirdly restrictive like this about close family’s kids/significant others coming to their wedding and it only hurt their relationship with multiple people with no real benefit.
The weddings still had chaos, annoying people, and things they tried to avoid because that’s the nature of large events. Everyone I know who did this ultimately had regrets about it. This will probably haunt your relationship with your sibling for years if you force it.
ThatEcologist wrote:
YTA, not for having a kids-free wedding, but telling them kind of last minute. It would be one thing if the wedding was local, but presumably your sister is going to be gone for a few days. I think that’s a short amount of time to find someone to watch the kids overnight.
Also, I get having a child free wedding, but to exclude your nieces and nephews is weird. Our niece and one of my first cousins is going to be at my wedding (I.e family) but no other kids are allowed.
