“AITA for not wanting to help my wife with Halloween costumes?”
Context: My wife 29F always makes the kids Halloween costumes. We have 3 kids 5F, 7M, and 9M. She did not have an amazing childhood and so I think she is constantly trying to make sure our kids do.
She home makes every birthday cake, diys the birthday decorations, makes pajamas for every holiday and always home makes the Halloween costume. She also does these theme monthly movie nights, where she creates this whole scene. For example this month was Coraline, she make custom dolls for each kid, welcome home cake and the whole food spread.
This is all great but the problem is she expects me to help. All are kids are in activities, we both have full time careers, and I believe she stretches herself thin trying to do all this. And also expects me to. We have the money to just go out and buy stuff so I don’t get way we have to do so much. She says these are the things the kids will remember.Anyway this all came to head as I’ve been out of town most of the month for work so she’s had to shoulder the full responsibility of the kids. This caused her to be behind on making the costumes and she’s stressed. She was asking me if I’d be able to create one of the costumes for her, she has the supplies and can walk me through.
The problem is I just don’t feel like it. I told her we can go get a cheap costume, it’s not a big deal. Well she refused and was up all night finishing these costumes. I told her this morning that they looked awesome and she just rolled her eyes. She was making coffee and I asked if she’d make me a cup, she replied go buy one. She’s been distant and cold. I was talking to my coworker and he called me out. Saying my wife is right, my kids will remember the effort my wife put in and they’ll also remember how hard I made it for her.
Here’s what the top commenters had to say about this one:
HomelyHobbit said:
YTA – Even if this isn’t something that you prioritize all the time, you could have helped her with the costume because it’s important to her. But, beyond that, your attitude about your wife’s efforts is just terrible.
She’s working her hardest to show the kids they’re a priority to her, and making really fun and special memories for them. And all you have to say about it is that it’s a waste of time? The fact that you don’t appreciate and support her efforts is just really, really sad.
spookobsessedscot said:
YTA. I was on the fence until the “I don’t feel like it” and the coffee comment. I mean, really guy? You were away for a month and she had to deal with the kids herself, then she asked for help and rather than you guys ordering food, putting some music on, and having a night together finishing the costume, you decided it wasn’t worth the effort.
Ok_Job_9417 said:
YTA – “I don’t feel like it” isn’t really a valid response. Do you do anything to help her out? Buy supplies for her so she doesn’t have to run to the store. Shoulder more of the household chores so she can spend more time on the costumes. You can compromise here.
Aggressive_Cup8452 said:
Not maybe. You’re the ahole. She’s behind because she’s been working a full time career and parenting your kids by herself for a full month, without any of your help. And she asks you to help with one thing and you complain? Because you’re tired? Really? YTA.
hopingtothrive said:
Asking her to make you a cup of coffee was where I lost it. I can understand you not having the interest in making costumes. Store bought costumes will not ruin a 5 year old’s childhood. But you could have put in at least some effort since you were asked. You seem to think because you have a job (and she has the kids 24/7) that when your day is done, it’s DONE. YTA.
