“AITA for uninviting my best friend from a music festival?”
I (27f) invited my friend and roommate (24f) to a music festival. I asked her a few months ago while she was going through a breakup, because I thought it would be a cool experience for her since she’s never been to one. The festival is set to happen this summer, and I usually go with a group she doesn’t know too well, so we invited a mutual friend to come along, too.
Her ex treated her pretty poorly and was quite jealous, so she made some comments about how he would have never let her go to a festival if they were still together. Fast forward, she starts seeing the ex again. They are really only hooking up at this point, and she promised me I have nothing to worry about. He showed up to our NYE party uninvited and elevated.
I expressed to my friend I wasn’t happy with his presence, and she didn’t do anything. Since then, we’ve talked about it a few times but she’s been going to his house more and more, and before she turned her location off, I noticed they were going on their weekly dates again. When she’s home, she’s doesn’t say mix and stays in her room. Things have just been weird, and not very best friendly.
A mutual friend of ours texted me a few days ago and told me my roommate and her ex were back together, and she was supposed to talk to me weeks ago about it. I’m upset that she’s keeping this from me, and if things don’t change things will only get more awkward between us. I don’t want that energy at the festival, so would I be TA if I told her to make other camping arrangements?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
ThisWillAgeWell wrote:
What a strange post. You call her your “friend and roommate”. You disapprove of her relationship with her boyfriend. Maybe you’re justified in your dislike of him, or maybe you’re not. But the fact is, you don’t have the right to interfere in their relationship, whether on again or off again, whether just a hookup or something more serious, because it’s none of your business.
I presume this NYE party was held at your home. You told her you weren’t happy with his presence. You’re certainly allowed to choose not to spend time with him. But you’re in very sticky territory trying to banish him from your home altogether, because it’s her home too. You say she’s now keeping to her bedroom when she’s at home, and “things have just been weird.”
So it doesn’t sound like the roommate thing is working out real well between you, let alone the friendship thing. With all of that going on, you seriously think your biggest dilemma is a music festival that is still a few months away? That presumably you haven’t even bought tickets for yet, or booked accommodation?
I think you need to get your priorities straight. You need to sit down with your roommate, work out whether you are still friends at all, and decide whether you can sufficiently tolerate each other, and each other’s partner(s), to enable you both to keep on sharing a home, or whether it’s just too awkward and one of you should find somewhere else to live.
I’m not going to give an AITA verdict because I think your question is just bizarre. Sort out your priorities, deal with your bigger problems, and the music festival issue should take care of itself. You will either still be friends and both want each other to be there, or you will not.
OP responded:
It does sound wacky I guess. The rules stated no posts about breaking contracts (lease) or ending friendships so I avoided those topics.
Broken-Ice-Cube wrote:
YTA and seem very toxic. You’re trying to control her. Why on earth were you regularly stalking her location?
OP responded:
We’ve been close friends for 16 years, she has my location still as well as several other friends lmao.
Appreciate the input.
Urbanhuaraches wrote:
You had your friends’ location and checked it often enough to know when she’s on weekly dates?
OP responded:
I noticed she was at her bf’s favorite place on a Friday night, which was their date night! I shouldn’t have mentioned it lmao y’all are making me out to be a mega stalker. I just listen to my friends when they tell me things and happened to glance at it on that night in particular. We live together and I wanted to know what time she’d be home.
almalauha wrote:
NTA.
“I invited you to come along to this festival as you’d never been and to cheer you up as you were down after the breakup. You said NAME would never let you go when you two were still together.”
“I thought you’d broken up for good but I found out through someone else you and NAME are back together again. I guess that means he won’t allow you to come to the festival anyways or he might want to join, and that’s not something I’m here for. So I think it’s best if you don’t stay with me and my friends, but that you make your own sleeping arrangements if you are still going.”
roxagony wrote:
Always end up being downvoted in posts like these, but NTA. I think best friends especially 10+ years plus can have an opinion on their friends relationships and can often see it for what it really is, especially when they’re in a toxic one like this.
I get your point of view. I’d express how you feel about her being with her ex and base the decision on that. You don’t have to give her the ticket if it’s going to make you uncomfortable and defeats the point of you getting it for her in the first place
apprehensive_limit56 wrote:
YTA! You do not own your friend. She can make her own decisions about who she dates. It sounds like you are holding a grudge because you don’t approve of her love life. Here is an idea…go to the music festival and pull the stick out of your behind…find a weekend fling and have fun. It sounds like you are the only one potentially ruining the “vibe”.
