“I am in love with my roommate…”
Last summer I moved in with two randoms in a small town with terrible housing. One guy, one girl. When I found the place online, I was nervous about living with a guy bc I thought it might be awkward. What if I wanna bring someone home? What if he hears my loud stinky poops?
What if he’s messy and a pig? Etc etc. I then toured the place and met the both of them and decided the place was too nice and too cheap to pass up. The girl was really sweet and we got along really well and he came off as a nerdy type so I thought I wouldn’t be into him and we could coexist.
I was wrong. The girl turned into a nightmare roommate. Super messy, very loud and inconsiderate. Fighting with her boyfriend, slamming doors and yelling in the middle of a night on a weeknight, blasting the TV at all hours. She also has two cats and the other roommate, let’s call him Tim, and I end up feeding them 70% of the time because she’ll be over at her boyfriends or with her friends.
Tim and I started off as friends and we were always friendly and positive, but after one particularly bad fight with the boyfriend, Tim and I started to talk about how much we didn’t like our other roommate. Realizing we were on the same page, we talked for hours and laughed for hours about stupid stuff she did. We made little inside jokes and even a bingo board for the crap she pulls.
Over time we started talking more and more and now I think I’m in love with him. He’s my best friend. I trust him and feel so safe and comfortable around him. He’s so funny and kind, smart and artistic, he’s just such a well rounded person. When he plays guitar at night I literally melt.
I have to go into another room or it’ll be so obvious how in love with him I am. I’ve told him all about my life and he’s told me about his. I really care about him and from what I can tell he at least seems to like me as a friend as well.
Here’s the thing. We’ve talked about our past relationships and he told me about this one relationship he had where he hooked up with a roommate and she turned out to be super manipulative and narcissistic. And he doesn’t use those words lightly. Things ended badly with her while they still lived together so he’s pretty scarred from that.
He also has gone on a date semi recently which makes me think he’s not interested in me. But I also dated someone for three months in the fall, but the whole time I was dating this other guy I was just thinking about him instead. It’s made it hard for me to want to see other people and I haven’t seen anyone since.
Friends have made comments about us hanging out a lot. We cook for each other and watch movies together. We can have whole conversations in just a glance. I know this type of connection is rare.
His brother came down two weekends ago and the three of us went to a concert together and played Mario kart after, and while Tim and I were jokingly trash talking, his brother said “ooo seems like there’s tension here” and then it got real quiet lol.
My question is, do I confess feelings or not? If yes, when? We have 3 months left on the lease. Considering our other bat-crazy roommate and his bad past experiences, I think maybe not, but is that letting the moment pass? It’s getting to the point where it’s hard to be around him and hide it.
Also, my parents house is sitting empty 20 mins away, so I could offer to move back there to give him space either way. Honestly I might do that anyway bc of how bad the other roommate is. Another factor is that I might move 3 hours away after our lease is up. He knows this as well.
I just need your help! Do I confess at the end of the lease? Now? How do I go about it? I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable here since he’s only lived in crappy situations and we already have our crappy other roommate.
But now that I think about it, I don’t want to walk away from this having said nothing, it’s too special of a connection to do nothing. I know I can’t live with him again but I also know I’ll miss him when I move out. What would you do if you were me?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Pure_Product4396 said:
Honestly you should just tell him, life is too short for this stuff. Yeah he had bad experience before but that was with someone else who was manipulative – you’re not her. Maybe wait until you’re both away from the house so there’s no weird energy at home if things get awkward?
Like grab coffee somewhere neutral. and definitely mention the thing about your parents place so he knows you’re not trying to trap him in awkward living situation. The timing sucks with only 3 months left but you’ll regret it forever if you don’t try.
Tyraid said:
My roommate and I confessed to having feelings for each other 13 years ago. She’s still my roommate, the best I’ve ever had. But now we share a bed and she wears the wedding ring I bought for her.
jeeeebs said:
Pretty clear people think it’s okay for you to go for it. Although I recommend the asking on a date approach rather than “confessing.” Confessing could be a bit intense or pressure inducing for him to “respond” right away. The asking on a date implies your interest and if he’s super into it, you both have the flexibility to share feelings over time.
Kinky_Imagination said:
You miss 100 % of the shots you don’t take – Some athlete. True connections don’t come by often.
TheBakerification said:
I would just go for it and tell him. Might even be an advantage that your lease is up soon because then worse case if it doesn’t go well it’s just a couple awkward months and you move out. I’d say odds are in your favor though if he’s not actively seeing anyone and you hang out as much as you say you do.
InsaneThisGuysTaint said:
There’s a real possibility he has feelings for you too and has the same fears as well. You should just tell him how you feel now.
Kharrell_Simmonds said:
If you don’t shoot then you can’t score. Go for it, hope it works out.
UPDATE:
Welp. Told him. Went poorly. I was planning on waiting a little longer to tell him, but then last night he saw a playlist of mine, titled with one of our inside jokes, with four songs in it. Two being love songs (the first one being “Love is a Verb” by John Mayer lmao) and the other two being songs he showed me.
He asked me what it was about. Noted one of the songs. I freaked out. Went silent the rest of the night. He kept trying to talk to me but I got all weird. I figured with the title, the songs and everything he had put it together. I had been caught.
This morning I had a ride lined up to the airport but he kept being so nice to me and offering to give me a ride. I declined my other ride and took him up on his, figuring he knew what was up and wanted to talk about it. He kept saying he was “very ready” and “very excited” for this drive (which was just a bad joke I guess).
When we pulled up to the airport I blurted out that the playlist was about him. He was like oh. It was clear he hadn’t put it together at all and wasn’t on the same wavelength. He basically all but said he wasn’t interested. Not too much else was said. I got out of the car and that was that.
Before I took off he sent me a text reiterating that he’s not interested, not just bc we’re roommates, but that he wouldn’t be interested anyway. Oof! Lol. He just wanted to make it clear. He said he likes me as a roomie and hopes I have a good trip. I told him thanks for the clarity. And sorry if it makes it awk around the apartment. And that’s that.
I don’t regret telling him. Now I can move on and not think about him 24/7 and move if I wanna move and not think “what if.” I am worried about what it’ll be like when I get back from the trip, but I guess my parent’s house is open and I can use that. And at least I have some days away from him where I’m distracted and around friends.
Anyway, thanks for giving me the courage to say something and give me this freedom right now. I guess I misread the situation but the payoff would’ve been worth it. I appreciate hearing all of your stories and thank you for all your kind comments.
