“My husband impulse bought a dog…”
Together six years married for three. We so far have very rarely had communication issues. Before we got married we went to a counselor who helped us a lot; not because we were having issues, but to make sure we were going to be able to avoid these issues.
Both of us are childfree and have been talking about getting a dog. I grew up with them but we travel a lot, so having one has not really been in the cards. He recently took a job where we won’t be able to do as much traveling for about a year.
Recently he has been very excited because he feels he deserves a dog. He works away from home and I work from home. Like I said I grew up with dogs, I do miss having one. But there are dogs who would do great with out lifestyle and dogs who wouldn’t. We agreed on getting a trainer if we had any issues we can’t fix on our own.
I am very health-conscious which extends to dogs. There are certain breeds I would never own because they have so many health issues. The other day he came home with a bulldog puppy. This is a breed on my absolutely not list. He is about six months old and he got him from a family who couldn’t keep him.
He already has breathing issues, he snores all day and all night. He will need soft palate surgery and he will need his nostrils enlarged. He can’t run. He will need patella surgery. Like I said he is only six months old.
I am so frustrated. We’ve had the dog for about four weeks and he doesn’t want to walk the dog much, he won’t clean up after it, all he wants to do is take him to the dog park and pet store. He loves when people gush over how cute he is when he snorts (the dog, not my husband).
We had a very big argument over the dog. He wants to let him sleep in bed with us, but I told him I would be sleeping in another room. He didn’t care, and the dog has been sleeping in our bed for the past three nights while I have been in the guest room.
During the day he is quiet. He is a good puppy for sure, he doesn’t destroy toys and he is happy as a clam to sleep next to me all day while I work. The snoring doesn’t bother me as much, but knowing he snores because he has that much trouble breathing makes me feel so bad.
But I am so upset with my husband for getting a dog with so many health issues. I do not know how to address the situation without letting my temper get away with me.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Sulfura said:
A dog is not a nice treat you buy yourself as a reward for sticking to a diet or getting through a stressful time! It’s a whole other being with its own needs and preferences who is now reliant on you forever. The dog deserves to have an owner with a better attitude.
dco361 said:
Your husband is irresponsible at best and the fact that he is putting this dog over your concerns is alarming. To be clear, it’s not even that he truly cares about the dog, since he won’t actually take care of the poor puppy. He just uses it for clout.
Take it back. Then: couples counseling. This unilateral decision was unacceptable irresponsible inconsiderate disrespectful behavior.
noncompliantfuture said:
You should definitely rehome the husband.
Ladyughsalot1 said:
So he got a dog expecting you to care for it. That entitlement piece is important. He doesn’t even have good Intentions he legit expects you to just do it. A dog is such a wonderful addition to a family.
Choosing the right dog is a memorable experience and he took it from you and went against your wishes. A purebred bulldog puppy is not a charity case. Find a responsible home and tell him this can’t happen again.
Both dog and husband should be returned to store. I’d be SO ANGRY.
UPDATE:
Thank you all for the thorough responses. I read every comment you guys sent. A few months ago I read a post where a woman sat down with her husband and outlined everything she takes care of at home in a list format. Like, kitchen: trash, dishes, wipe counters down. Etc.
That way of communicating really stuck with me and when we went to see our therapist, I used the same format to express how much I do for the dog. My husband told me that owning a dog was a joint effort and since I’m home all day it shouldn’t be a problem.
Which is when I realized that has been his excuse for everything. Cooking, chores, cleaning. I’m not sure how I became blind to it. I don’t know when I started bending over backwards to accommodate him.
We used to be a solid couple who helped each other out. I remember when I was still in school he’d come over to my apartment and clean the whole thing for me during finals. Or he took care of my elderly cat when I was away for a week and a half. He used to help me dry the dishes and it was always fun. We used to have so much fun and laugh all the time. At some point it all stopped.
I started crying right there in the middle of a sentence and he got concerned. I’m not a cryer the only time he’s ever seen me cry was when I had to put my beloved cat down a few years ago.
But he held me for the first time in what felt like months and we had a serious heart to heart about how he made me feel. Not only with the dog but how stressed I’ve been with my job, how lonely I am, I don’t feel important and how we don’t feel like a team anymore, that I’m worried about us.
I guess it clicked for him because he really stepped up taking care of the dog. He started going into work earlier so he can come home early and hang out and make me dinner. It happened slowly over the course of the last few weeks and the routine suits us a lot better. We hired a trainer to make sure we can understand the dog’s boundaries together and the dog sleeps in a dog bed.
Our bedroom life has slowly gotten back to where it was when we got married. We’re watching our favorite shows again and going out more. I’ve been putting my foot down more about my feelings and he has been receptive. We are still going to therapy for now.
As for the dog, we’re going to keep him. Is he a No List dog? Yes. But is he a good puppy with a big heart? Yes. We have the money to afford him and he took off after training. It’s nice having a dog again.
Here’s what people had to say about the update:
NorthFocus said:
Good job on the communication. Things can sneak up on people and unfair routines can creep in. I’m glad that you two seem to be correcting course for your relationship and it’s a big positive that he’s putting in a lot more effort now.
donnablonde said:
I got teary reading this, so happy for you guys (and the dog!).
blerg91 said:
I wish more endings happened this way, usually not the case. I hope things work out with the pup! I advise on getting him insurance now while he’s young so any health issues that arise are covered.
tren_lord said:
This made me so incredibly happy to read. I’m so happy for you guys and that this experience with the dog was able to open both your eyes to the larger issues at hand. I’m a huge dog person myself and I see all the issues the bulldogs but omg are they cute and super friendly. Good luck and I wish your puppy a long and happy life with you two.
Smoov_Biscuit_Time said:
It’s nice to see a positive ending! It’s crazy how relationship dynamics can change without realizing it like you mentioned. You guys worked through it together, as adults should. Thanks for sharing!
Sybaritee said:
I’m so happy for you! Just remember not to make excuses for him when he starts going back to his old habits.
Lisbeth_Salandar said:
Tbh I’d still be pretty livid about the dog and not able to trust that your husband will actually be there for you, if I were in your shoes. But it sounds like good steps have been made. Just make sure you all keep on the right path!
