“AITA for not wanting my husband to travel for a wedding a month before my due date?”
Hi, so my husband’s best friend moved away a few years ago. We have travelled together to see him once, and even before being pregnant, it was a tough trip (length of time for the direct flight was 14 hours).
I can’t remember which came first, finding out my due date or finding out the date of the wedding, but basically the wedding is exactly 1 month before my due date. My husband is one of the groomsmen in the wedding. I originally said to him that I would be ok to have him go for 3 days, but now, due to pressure from friends, his trip is 6 days long so he can spend time with his friend while out there.
I’ve expressed my concerns because A. I’m already having extreme pains to the point my doctor is having me see physical therapists and chiropractors (I’m only in my second trimester). We have also had friends that have given birth a month early, and some that go past their due date. B. If this wedding was in state, I wouldn’t mind as much, but within 14 hours, a lot can happen.
Maybe it’s selfish as well, but I’m afraid of trying to communicate with timezone differences, as well as obviously it’s a wedding so I know there will be a lot of drinking. I’m also afraid of him just not paying attention to his phone because he’s drunk/partying with friends. I’ve pointed out that there could be a chance that if something happened, he may not be able to get back in time to be there with me.
I’m afraid about him going, but also, if he goes, trying to impose rules like saying, I don’t want him to get too drunk, he needs to have his phone on and loud in case I need to reach out in an emergency, always keeping an eye out on alternate flights home, etc. we have had a few arguments so far about this, but AITA for feeling like he shouldn’t be going?
TL;DR: my husband is in a wedding that is exactly a month before my due date. I think it’s too close and don’t want him to go.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
igotrosiecheeks wrote:
NTA. I found out a month before my due date (aka last Thursday) I have to be induced tomorrow because of gestational hypertension when everything was previously going great. Things change quickly at the end. Absolutely NTA.
OP responded:
Ugh I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you are ok! I at least got him to get refundable tickets, but I’m just afraid of something like this happening.
chicagogal85 wrote:
Has your husband made any concessions on his end? For example, “How about I only go for 4 days, I’ll have my phone on me at all times and silenced only for the ceremony, I’ll watch my drinking, I’ll check in with you every (X amount of time), I’ll have my mom come by to check on you” etc? A month out is a lot better than 2 weeks out, but you need support during this time too!
OP responded:
Originally, the agreement was 3 days but no concession was made on when he extended to 6 days. I was the one that had to impose rules like having his phone on (I told him I obviously would not message unless it was an emergency and I knew he was at something for the wedding).
I did highly express concerns about drinking because when he is around this group of friends, they are out of control so that is still a tough spot.
Alternate-Self-487 wrote:
I literally could not imagine leaving my wife and going to another time zone for any period of time during her pregnancy. Do people not realize how dangerous childbirth is? On the offhand that the worst thing possible happens, he wants to be galavanting around without a care in the world in the meantime?
OP, you’re NTA for originally agreeing, you didn’t want to seem like you were being unreasonable and you were put on the spot. I question your husband’s judgement for thinking it’s a good idea to take a 14-hour flight and spend a week away when you’re so close to your due date.
You’re also not the asshole for changing your mind as new information comes out and you get time to think about it. I don’t wanna call your husband an asshole because not everybody thinks the same, but I seriously don’t get how he thinks this is a good idea, be it 3 days or 6 days.
OP responded:
I agree and thanks for the perspective. I think had it been any other friend, he would be more okay with saying no from the start. I have had long talks with him saying how outside of dealing with me, he doesn’t understand what I am dealing with (cramps, pains, etc) and he was acknowledgement on that.
He has this big fear of missing out on occasions and I’ve had to talk to him how he needs to understand that his friends/their activities are no longer the priority. He is learning, albeit a little slow, but I want to give him credit to the mindset changes so far. He did book insurance on the flight so he can cancel and did say today that we will gauge it.
DCPurpletart wrote:
I would feel terrible about my husband missing the wedding, but that would be our plan! If this was a local wedding or even something a few hours away- but 14 hour plane ride? That is absolutely bonkers to me. You are definitely NTA and I really really really hope this scenario is not indicative to how he’s going to support you as a husband and father.
Few_house_5201 wrote:
Biggest AH here is the doctor who thinks you should see a chiropractor. Waste of money and probably doing way more harm than good.
lavinialloyd wrote:
You said you were fine with 3 days. Your husband needs to tell his friends he can only do 3 days as he has a heavily pregnant wife at home he needs to get home to. If the friends can’t accept that they’re garbage.
