“AITA for telling a co-worker that she doesn’t get special treatment just because she’s sad?”
I work in a small office building for an estate company, I’ve been working there for 6 months now. In November, a co-worker of ours, I’ll call her Lina to make it easier, came out as bi to us while we were grabbing dinner after work on a Friday.
She told us she’s known for a month now and has been sitting on it to come to terms with it and that she was planning on telling her bf that night, but she wanted our opinions first. I understood it because most people on that table were her besties and we were all civil together and we were all girls, so maybe she wanted a girl’s opinion?
Anyhow, the weekend goes by and she returns to work absolutely wrecked. I’m talking eyes puffy, hair a mess and wearing the same clothes from Friday. I heard through the grapevine that the bf didn’t take it well and dumped her. They’ve been together for four year apparently so she’s obviously distressed.
For the whole week, her performance was absolutely horrendous, no work done, no meetings attended, absolutely nothing. Our team leader was good friends with Luna so she divided Lina’s work on the rest of us, “just for the week” she said. But this continued on until now and we’re in February!
Yesterday, the team leader decided to give me one of lina’s projects because this would’ve been her fifth anniversary with her BF. I said no, I already had my own work, why would I do someone’s work for her and she gets paid for absolutely nothing while I’m still struggling with my salary and now double the work?!
The team leader threatened to write me up, so I went to HR and told her everything that has been happening, showed her the emails where the team leader gave us Lina’s work and told us to be patient. On lunch break, Lina tried to corner me, telling me she’s going through a rough time and that I should be supportive.
I told her I was supportive, but now she’s just milking it, she comes and goes as she pleases because the team leader covers for her, she doesn’t work because her work gets handed to us and it’s not fair, I told her that just because she’s sad she got dumped that doesn’t mean we all need to pick up her slack, we all have our lives and problems but we don’t make it eachother’s problems.
She called me a “C-word” and I just walked back to HR and told her what happened, they were both called in for a meeting and she’s now facing possible termination (according to the same grapevine).
I don’t think I was in the wrong for going to HR, I’m not going to work for someone’s else and they get to hand it in and take all the credit. However, I think that I probably shouldn’t have said what I said, four years is a long time and she did look absolutely wrecked, but at this point it was getting a bit ridiculous to still expect such treatment. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Nailwild4379 wrote:
NTA. I had a miscarriage, missed a week of work due to having a D&E. When I came back I did my own work, actually I had to pick up my coworkers, because she’d gone home for Christmas. So Lina can suck it up, it’s been 3 months. Picking up slack for a coworker for week or two is one thing.
No big deal, we all do it, hopefully they’ll do the same if we’re going through something someday. But the continued coddling after 3 months is ridiculous. And calling you the c-word is beyond. I’d have gone to HR too. Now she’s creating a hostile work environment.
sweets4n6 wrote:
NTA. The second your boss threatened to write you up for not doing someone else’s work was the second they may has well have gone to HR themself. They made it a problem for everyone and you took her work far longer than you should have. Doing for a week, I get it. Maybe even til the end of November.
But three whole months, nearly four, of doing someone else’s work because they’re sad they were dumped is ridiculous. Lina shouldn’t be the only one facing termination, your boss should be as well.
essayvibe wrote:
NTA. Four years is a long relationship, sure, but grief doesn’t give you a free pass to do zero work for three months while everyone else carries you. Your team leader created this mess by enabling her, not you. Going to HR was the only move left when polite “no” didn’t work. The “C-word” reaction shows she knows she’s been taking advantage and got defensive.
just_getting_by wrote:
If she can’t function at work, she should be on sick leave, not getting a free ride on coworker’s backs. You did what you had to do. NTA.
altruisticcablecar wrote:
NTA. For that first week? Sure, Lina was heartbroken and going through hell. Pick up the slack so she can push through the initial shock of the whole thing. But months?! Uh, no. That’s not how the real world works. If it affected her mental health so badly she absolutely couldn’t work she should have looked into alternatives to give her a longer break that would not affect the rest of you.
A few days later, OP shared an update:
Hi, since a lot of you wanted an update on Lina and the team leader here it is but I also wanted to answer a few questions about Lina:
1- Lina didn’t cheat, at least that we know of, what I heard is that she didn’t want to get with the sister physically, she apparently said that she has suspected that she was bi for a few years (since highschool) but what really confirmed it was her Bf’s sister, apparently that’s why they broke up, not because she was queer.
2- Why we let this go on for so long, it’s because this was kinda what my team did to others in the team, for example, a month after I was hired, I had fallen and broken my right arm, completely useless and I can’t get any work done, it took me a week to learn how to get things done with my left hand and they helped me with it all.
Also, another co worker of ours found out that his wife had cancer a few months ago, he had to take care of his sick mother who is in a wheelchair, his sick wife and their toddler, for two months, we covered for him, did whatever work he couldn’t do and sometimes took over his assignment so he can sleep a little.
This all stopped when he told us that his sister finally came and she took over some of his work at home and he returned to doing his full work, so helping out in this team wasn’t something out of the ordinary.
3- No, lina’s work wasn’t all dumped on me, If it was I would have gone to HR from a long time, it was divided on all of us.
4- Why Lina told her co-workers before her bf? Because most of the girls on that table were already her besties, save for me and two other girls and we were civil with Lina, maybe she wanted another girls opinion? I have no clue why she told us.
5- yes, most of us are on the younger side, like early 20s or something, also, just because a woman pulled this crap doesn’t give you an opening to be a misogynist.
I believe this is all, here’s the update: So according to the grapevine, HR demanded a mental evaluation/ doctor’s note from Lina, stating that she was struggling mentally the last few months, apparently if she really was, they’ll give her unpaid leave until she found a therapist, if she wasn’t, she’ll be let go, I don’t know if there will be any repercussions for her (regarding the paychecks she took without actual work done).
Nothing is known about team leader but she didn’t come in yesterday and no one is talking about her. Lina’s friend group is giving me the dirty eyes and whispering about me in the lunchroom like highschool girls but at least 47-year-old Marie is happy she no longer has to do extra work and she brought us cookies :-)
Some coworkers came up to me and they thanked me for talking, they said they were waiting until our annual meeting in March to tell the actual CEO about it but they’re glad it was resolved before it. I guess this is the sum of it, if I hear any news I’ll make sure to update you guys, thank you for the support.
Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:
Lucylovesapples wrote:
NTA what you did was a duty of care which your manager should’ve done in the first place so that she can get the help and support she needed.
unclenedisdead wrote:
Thanks for the update. If there is another update, you might have to post it on your own profile as there may be a limit. I hope Lina gets the help she needs or if she is fine, gets caught out for doing nothing for months while collecting a check.
Hopefully team lead gets demoted or fired too for overstepping and hiding it from HR. If Lina’s friends cared so much, they could have taken on all of Lina’s workload and left the rest of the staff out of it.
bobzeub wrote:
NTA. We’re all overworked and underappreciated.
She can take sick leave if needed. We are all going through crap.
She blew up her own life like a big girl with zero preparation. Now she can deal with the consequences. Which includes doing work while sad. Today I’d be okay. But in all my previous jobs I would have had to cope or I would have lost my job. Jobs tend to be crap like that. But it is what it is. Her piss poor preparation shouldn’t be an emergency for you.
