“AITA for not giving up my seat to someone who was already at the bar?”
My date and I arrive at an almost full bar, but find two empty seats near the end. The seats aren’t next to each other, there is a man between them and another man to the left of them. (Think man > empty seat > another man > empty seat.) I take the furthest down stool and sit while my date stands, enjoying the company and patiently waiting for another spot to open up.
The man I sit next to is on his phone, enjoying a cocktail, doesn’t look at or acknowledge us, simply minding his business. The bar was very busy, we didn’t get service for about 20 minutes or so. Meanwhile, the other man on the end leaves his seat, but I see no checkbook.
I decide to use the restroom, telling my date that I plan to take the now open two seats for us when I come back, given that the gentleman isn’t returning. Well, on my way to the bathroom, another couple swooped in and took them, so I return to the same spot as before and my date now heads to the bathroom.
The bartender finally takes my drink order, and I check my phone to see a text from my date telling me that the man I’m next to told him he has a friend coming in about 10 minutes, and he’s saving my seat for him. Well, to be honest, I ignored that text message because I didn’t plan on leaving my seat after having been there for about 30 minutes at this point.
Shortly after, the man does indeed tell me directly that he is waiting on a friend, who will be here in a few minutes. I said “Oh…,” to which he said “Yeah, I told the guy you were with.”
“Okay…,” I say. “Why didn’t you say anything when we first sat down? I mean, we’ve been here for over 20 minutes.”
“Well, I thought you were just getting some drinks and taking them elsewhere.”
He goes on about how this is an old friend he hasn’t seen for a while, and what are they supposed to do, stand?
“Well, my guest is standing, so, I feel like it’s reasonable for your guest to stand while we both wait for more open seats,” I say.
“I mean, I told your friend, but fine, we’ll just stand.”
Now, remember, there was also an empty seat to his left when we arrived! Once we took our stool, if he was still saving a seat, he should have told the *new* couple that he was waiting on a friend. But instead, he felt it was appropriate to ask me to leave my seat after 30 minutes at the bar.
I personally don’t feel he was entitled to the seat, given the circumstances. I’m reasonable, if he had let it be known upfront, I would’ve taken the other open seat. I really didn’t want to be confrontational with anybody, especially in front of my date, but I genuinely felt like the man would be pushing me over if I just moved for him.
He had every chance to ask us in the beginning, or to ask the couple that actually took the last seat! So, AITA for not moving for this guy who was saving his friend a seat?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Kayhowardhlots wrote:
NTA, you can’t save a seat at the bar that long. A few minutes, sure, but 20+, nope. However what I don’t understand is why didn’t your boyfriend sit down a the two open seats while you went to the restroom?
OP responded:
I agree, when I saw the other couple approaching on my way to the restroom I was hoping he’d grab them. We weren’t sure if the original man was actually gone because he didn’t pay his bill (this actually came out later when the new couple got handed his check and had to say that wasn’t their bill).
But also, I think he’s just shy and wasn’t sure if it was appropriate yet. We’ve only been on a couple dates so he walks on egg shells a bit.
jollyvirus24-18 wrote:
NTA. “saving seats” at a busy bar has an expiration date, and that date is approximately 30 seconds.
He didn’t say anything when you sat down. He didn’t say anything for 20+ minutes. He let another couple take the other empty seat next to him without a word. You can’t retroactively claim a seat you failed to defend. He snoozed, he losed. His poor planning in not telling you immediately is not your problem. He can stand with his friend, just like your date was doing.
Valkrhae wrote:
NTA, but I don’t really understand the plan here. Both men in between the empty seats appeared to be there alone-did you ask either of them to scoot over so you and your date could sit together?
Did it look like anyone else at the bar was getting close to leaving so you could swap seats? You waited for at least 20 minutes at the bar while your date was just standing there without a seat? And you were planning on waiting even longer?
OP responded:
The guy at the end left after not that long, & I planned to take his seat. Like I said, I went to the bathroom and the seats got taken.
throwaway2117000 wrote:
It’s bar seating not reserved seating. Don’t really understand why you didn’t ask either one to move over.
OP responded:
Because they were both settled in, and I didn’t feel it necessary when there’d be another seat open eventually.
rockology_adam wrote:
NTA. If you’re going to save a seat for someone, you have to save it the whole time. The man needed to mention it to you when you sat. You’re right that he really should have been talking to the people who sat on the other side of him, and I’m willing to bet that he did, and got the same answer.
Top that off with trying to save an open seat at a busy bar for 30 minutes? He’s entirely the A-hole here, even if he was polite. If you have an important meeting with an old friend, you make a reservation somewhere. You don’t take your chances at a barstool.
