“AITA for not inviting my sister to my baby shower?”
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for several years. We had a really hard time conceiving, but after a few years of trying we finally got pregnant. We told our family the news, and told them the baby names we had picked: Violet for a girl, and Carson for a boy. We unfortunately lost the baby in the second trimester.
Then we experienced two more miscarriages (both in the first trimester), and went through a couple more rounds of failed IVF. It was a very difficult and traumatic time for us. We visited my family last year over the winter holidays, and my sister announced that she was pregnant. I was genuinely happy for her, until she told us the names they’d chosen: Violet for a girl, Carson for a boy.
I took her aside and told her that I was very happy for her pregnancy, but hurt and confused that she would choose our baby names, especially with everything we’ve been through. And she basically said, “don’t try to pull the miscarriage card on me, you can’t call dibs on a name.”
I tried talking to her a couple more times about it, but each time she’d say things like “you might never have kids, you can’t just keep those names in reserve forever,” and was just so hurtful. I stopped bringing it up for the sake of keeping the peace, and after a few months she told my parents she wasn’t going to use either of those names. But wouldn’t tell anybody what name they HAD chosen.
Fast forward to a couple of months ago, and she gave birth to her baby girl: Violetta Karsyn. And I’m just so hurt. I found out in the early spring that I’m pregnant, and I’m far enough along now that the doctors feel pretty good about everything, and we let our families know last month. My mom and her friends have planned a baby shower, but I told her I do not want my sister invited.
My mom said I’m being an AH for not inviting her over the baby name, but at this point it’s not even about the name to me anymore. It’s the malicious comments, the lack of compassion, and the overall pettiness. So tell me, good people of Reddit: Am I the AH for not inviting my sister to my baby shower?
(For further context, prior to this my sister and I were decent terms. She’s always been competitive and attention-seeking, and growing up she’d find ways to one-up me or make my special occasions, like my birthday party or HS graduation, all about her. But NEVER to this extent.)
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Sami_George
Info: were these family names that would hold importance to both you and your sister?
Famous-Throaway-922 OP:
No, they are not. I could understand the situation more if there was any kind of family significance to these names, but it really just boiled down to liking the names. Then for me it became more personal over the years with everything I had going on. I am fairly confident she only wanted the names because she knew how much they meant to me.
Allaboutbird wrote:
NTA. I’m usually on team ‘you can’t call dibs on a name’ but the fact that she chose BOTH names you had picked and is completely dismissive of the pain caused by a miscarriage makes it seem like this is more about hurting you than choosing a name she really likes.
Famous_Specialist_44 wrote:
I realize people can’t call dibs on names but ‘the lack of compassion’ demonstrated by your sister is poor form. Her ‘alternative’ spellings of both names seems spiteful. You’re NTA for not wanting her at the baby shower – have nice people there to share your joy.
Substantial-Air3395
You can still use those names. NTA
Famous-Throaway-922 OP:
Honestly, at this point the name are totally ruined for me. You couldn’t pay me to use them. We have come up with a different set of names that we like, but you better believe I’m not telling anybody what those name are until it’s time to write it on a birth certificate.
sunset-tx-armadillo wrote:
NTA -Your sister is right, normally no one has the right to call “dibs” on a name. But her comments to you showed her callous disregard of your feelings. Y’all have struggled for years to have this baby. You deserve to have a day about you surrounded by people who are truly happy for you. Sister can stay home!
CatCatCatCubed wrote:
NTA. Would choose 2 new names, as difficult as that might be, and not tell anyone. Would also get 2 hamsters or goldfish and name them after the sister and her husband (that is, if Violet & Carson would be too difficult). Every new generation of hamster would have the same names. But I’m revenge-petty like that.
