“AITA for telling my wife there’s no excuse for not knowing how to cook?”

I (29m) have been with my wife (28f) for 8 years, and meals are just about the only place of contention in our marriage, but I’m scared she’s going to kill someone one day. Background – we split the cooking in our house 50/50, but when she cooks I feel like I have to watch her like a hawk.

She undercooks just about everything, especially meat, and no matter how many times I try to politely correct her, she claims I’m being “picky.” For example, every time she makes rice, I just can’t convince her it’s 1 part rice to 2 parts water. She always says “are you sure? That seems like a lot of water.”

Or “Maybe that’s how you like it, but I don’t want it so mushy.” The package and google won’t convince her either, and I just swallow my pride and eat the crunchy rice every time. It’s like that with everything. Pasta, veggies, bread, meat…

The thing is, I wouldn’t care so much if it was just me, but she always wants to cook for our friends. She really prides herself on her cooking and wants to make everything herself. I just trail behind her, trying to make sure it’s all edible, but there’s usually a few dishes that end up drastically over salted or undercooked.

Our friends will politely eat, but I noticed they’ve been coming to fewer and fewer invitations for dinner. Things all came to a head the other night when she went to put some chicken in the oven as I was hopping in the shower. When I came out, she had pulled the chicken out and said dinner was ready.

I was skeptical and told her that it had only been like 10 minutes. She said she pan-seared it first so it was fine, but when I came to look, the sides were literally pink. I snapped a little and told her she’s going to kill someone one day from serving them raw meat.

Can’t you see that it’s pink? That’s food safety number 1. She said she thought it was done, and it’s not her fault, her mother never showed her how to cook chicken growing up.I then told her “Well you’re almost thirty, that’s no excuse for not knowing how to cook at all.” Needless to say she was pretty upset with me, and I probably could’ve been nicer. But I’ve been nice about it for 8 years and nothing has changed. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

K_A_irony

Maybe both of you take a basic cooking class together as some sort of couples thing? I don’t know what to do about someone who won’t agree rice is a 2 to 1 ratio when the packaging even says so (Edit.. the comments focusing on my rice ratios.. this is a call back to the OP showing her the package instructions and the wife sticking to her ratio that makes crunchy rice. Not a debate on the perfect rice ratio).

Possibly sit down with her when NOT cooking or eating and say, look lets fix this cooking situation. You say your mother never taught you how to cook. I was harsh and said you should know by now. Are you actually open to someone teaching you how to cook? If she says no, then ask her what her solution actually is? If she says yes, then sign up for the cooking classes. NTA

XemptOne

actually, with rice, i always put slightly above what the water calls for, turns out better for me….

Rare_Plastic4708 OP:

First off, I didn’t mean to start a rice debate in the comments lmao. I know there’s a million different methods, and my wife has mastered the “burning it in a rice cooker” method. Thankfully she doesn’t cook it very often, I was just giving an example.

But I like the idea of a cooking class. I think her issue with not listening to my advice stems from her thinking I don’t know much about cooking, since I didn’t when we started dating. But it’s been years and I feel somewhat confident in my abilities now. (I still burn things every once in a while – I know I’m not perfect) Maybe if she won’t listen to my advice, she’ll listen to someone who does it for a living.

K_A_irony

We will just call this the great rice cooking debate for posterity. Good luck on the cooking class! *side note.. WHEN the instructor agrees with you or something you told her to do / not do.. do NOT say I told you so or see I was right 🙂 *

jal7218

OP did that. OP is now deceased.

StAlvis

NTA. But this behavior is so confusing to me.

“She said she thought it was done, and it’s not her fault, her mother never showed her how to cook chicken growing up.”

So where in the world is this undeserved confidence coming from?

I just can’t resolve “never being taught how to cook” with “assuming everyone else knows less than you about cooking.”

ruyrybeyro

NTA, mate. You’ve been patient for eight years—that’s a long time to be chewing on crunchy rice and dodging food poisoning.

Practical suggestion though, have you thought about getting a rice cooker? Takes the guesswork out of it. And maybe something like an LG NeoChef or a smart oven where you just press the numbers for what you’re cooking? Might save you from having to play food safety inspector every mealtime.

“AITA for telling my wife there’s no excuse for not knowing how to cook?”