“AITA for telling my wife we either share our lotto winnings or we separate and I get half anyway?”
My wife and I are extremely fortunate to have won a decent amount of money from Lotto recently. It wasn’t the top prize but it was enough to pay off our (sizable) mortgage and still have some left over for vacations.The mortgage was by far our biggest weekly cost and with that gone we could both comfortably cut our hours back at work to only school hours and spend some more time with our kids, this was always a daydream we spoke about when we bought lotto tickets, I assumed this is what we would both do.When we got the money and paid off our house, everything almost immediately turned bad. My wife started talking about how amazing it’s going to be finally not having to work anymore, I was blindsided by this.
Even with the mortgage gone we would still have to work at least school hours to keep our current standard of living, and on my salary alone things would be tight. I asked if she was serious and she said of course, it was her ticket and she gets to decide.
This is BS because we both bought lotto tickets before and when we moved in together we only bought one because two seemed like a waste of money. I tried to reason with her, say she could use some of the extra to take some unpaid leave here and there but she needs to keep her job, when I said “if I’m only working school hours”…
She absolutely flipped and started accusing me of being a gold digger and ruining this for her, how she deserved it after working so much of her life etc I asked her for a pause because I was honestly afraid, she’s never been like this before.
The next few days we tried to have this conversation again but she didn’t budge an inch, and when she said “well it doesn’t matter now because I’m putting in my notice at work.”
I lost it and told her I’m not going through with this, if she’s not going to share the winnings which is under both of our names I’ll divorce her and get half through the house and therefore half the winnings anyway, this started another screaming match where she continued to call my a gold digger.
I’m absolutely exhausted and lost, I feel like my wife has been replaced by an imposter. I would’ve preferred not winning if I knew this was going to happen.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Similar_Corner8081
NTA You may have been able to quit your job in the 1980s but unless you won millions then there’s no way that she doesn’t need to work.
LottoIssues
It was definitely not millions lol
Jolly_Engineer_6688 said:
The good news is that you can afford the divorce. The bad news is that the attorneys will be going on your vacation.
wlfwrtr said:
NTA. You have to file for divorce immediately. If you can show that she quit her job after you saw an attorney you are less likely to pay alimony. Start marriage counseling. Sounds like friends or family may be putting thoughts into her head. She needs someone unbiased to talk to.
ellenkates
And don’t put the money in a joint account she’ll take it all!
LottoIssues OP:
95% went on the house, neither of us can take any money from it without jointly signing another mortgage form. The remaining amount is still in a shared account but if she took it all it wouldn’t be the biggest deal.
Diedtlitt
If 95% went into the mortgage I don’t understand how she thinks the remaining 5% will support her for the rest of her life? Why would she not have to work? Perhaps let her know that of assets are going to be individual, that includes Your assets also. Your work salary will go into a personal account that she can not utilize. And if she wants that money then she’s just a gold digger. 🤷♀️.
LottoIssues OP:
She thinks I will still work full time and that will be enough, which it could be if we significantly restrict our spending but will be tough. It’s not something I’m willing to do so she doesn’t have to work.
gruntbuggly
So, what are the downsides of divorcing?
LottoIssues OP:
Losing the woman I loved, this is seriously out of character to an insane degree.
50/50 with kids and having to move them out of their home. This was supposed to be the home they grew up in.
Intelligent_Read_697
How’s she a great mother if she’s basically dumping housework duties to you?
LottoIssues OP:
Outside of housework she’s really active with the kids, goes to as many school activities as she can, helps them with homework, reads with them, sets up weekend activities etc. If she could help with vacuuming/dishes/cleaning I would’ve said I had the perfect partner.
SixDuckies
I don’t understand how all that makes you the ‘gold digger’? What she actually wants you to be is the only bread winner…she wants to live a life of luxury and not work, and that would make her the gold digger!
LottoIssues OP:
She thinks I’m trying to steal the time she “earned” by winning the lotto.
000ps-Crow_No
Sounds like yall won a ‘life enhancing’ amount, not a ‘life changing’ amount and she doesn’t know the difference. Please seek counseling.
LottoIssues OP:
That’s exactly it. I’m extremely grateful for what we won, it has taken a huge burden off, but it is not quitting money.
30222504cf said:
Money changes people and usually for the bad. It sucks that you are going through this. You are NTA.
LottoIssues OP:
It doesn’t feel like she’s changed so much as been replaced. It f&^%&*g sucks.
Successful-Worker139 said:
NTA. Your wife is being incredibly selfish and short-sighted.
FrankParkerNSA said:
NTA. You unfortunately have discovered the real person you married. She wasn’t in the marriage for you, only the stability you provided. Sorry, man.
fedoraislife said:
NTA. I’m genuinely curious how she would’ve reacted if you had said “Oh my gosh, same! I’m handing in my notice tomorrow as well!” If she then questioned how you would make ends meet as a couple it would really highlight her hypocrisy.
Notes from OP in the comments:
My wife does not do housework, it is a significant point of contention in our marriage and is part of the reason why I don’t want her to stop working. You could say it’s partly my fault because when we started dating her place was always a mess but I loved her regardless and with two adults a messy house was easily handled, with two adults working full time and two kids it is definitely not.
I don’t play golf, I am at home every day after picking my kids up. All of my exercise occurs during my lunch time at work.
I do the laundry every day.
My wife cooks when it’s something fun she wants to cook, I have to do all the cleaning up, otherwise I cook.
I make breakfast. I do dishes. I clean the bathroom, I scrub the toilet, I wipe the counter, I do the dishwasher.
She drives the kids around. I have said multiple times on this post she is a great mother, and she does take charge on a lot of the kids stuff. I can say I am guilty of letting her take on a larger share with the kids so I can manage the house because otherwise the house will look like an episode of hoarders.
What do YOU think?
