“AITA for telling my boyfriend his female BFF has 48 hours to get out or I am breaking the lease and leaving?”

i 29f live with my boyfriend 33m and we have been together almost three years and i feel like i am turning into the worst version of myself rn tbh

context is he has a girl best friend 31f kira and he has always sold it as she is basically family bc they met in college and she helped him through his dads death and i tried to respect that even though i hate the whole girl best friend thing bc it always turns into weird emotional spouse behavior and i did not want to be the insecure girlfriend who polices friendships lmao

at first i played nice i invited her places i did the friendly smile thing i asked about her job i even bought her a little candle once bc she said she liked vanilla and i thought ok if i make this normal then it will feel normal and not like im in some competition i never agreed to

but the vibe was always off she texts him constantly like good morning did you eat send a pic i miss you and he says thats just her personality and she is just like that with everyone which is not true bc she is not sending his guy friends mirror selfies from bed at 11 pm like come on

anyway 2 weeks ago she calls him crying saying her roommate moved out and she feels unsafe living alone and asked if she could stay with us for a bit and i immediately said i said i am not comfortable with a long term house guest i said she can stay with her sister or we can help her find a short rental and i even offered to chip in bc i felt bad for her situation

my boyfriend got defensive fast like i had kicked a puppy he said i lack empathy he said i am being cold to someone in crisis and he promised it would only be a weekend and that she would stay in the spare room and that he would keep things respectful so i caved bc i felt guilty and bc i did not want to be painted as the villain

she shows up with a full suitcase and a tote bag and a pillow and a whole skincare routine like she is moving in and the first night i hear them laughing in the kitchen at 1 am while he is making her tea and she is perched on the counter swinging her legs and i just stood there half asleep thinking why do i feel like the third wheel in my own apartment

then she starts leaving her stuff everywhere toothbrush next to mine hair in the shower her makeup bag on our sink and my boyfriend says i am being territorial and that it is just a bathroom and i tried to be calm i tried to use i feel statements i tried not to accuse anyone of cheating bc i know how that makes people shut down

the weekend ends and she does not leave. she keeps saying she is looking for places but she is also ordering packages to our address like vitamins a phone case and then a lamp for the guest room bc it helps her anxiety like what do you mean a lamp you are not supposed to be decorating here.

i bring it up again and i say i need a timeline i need an end date i need our home to feel like our home and he says i am making it weird and that i am projecting and that Kira needs support and he hits me with the controlling girlfriend thing which makes me feel insane bc i am not telling him he cannot have friends i am telling him i do not want his friend living with us indefinitely

then last night happened and this is what pushed me over. i came home early from work bc my meeting got canceled and i walk in and they are on the couch under the same blanket watching a movie and i swear i watched him jump up like he got caught and she just sits there smiling at me like i’m the guest and not her

i did not scream i did not throw anything i just went numb and went into the bedroom and stared at the wall for a while which is embarrassing bc i felt like a teenager. i started thinking about the time my mom used to let her friends crash on our couch when i was a kid and the whole house smelled like cigarettes and old coffee.

i hated it and i hated feeling powerless and i realized i feel the same thing now except im almost thirty and i pay rent.

so i told him straight up i said this is a red flag for me and i am done pretending it is fine i said kira has 48 hours to figure it out either she stays with family or she finds somewhere else but she cannot keep living here and if he cannot back me up then i will talk to the landlord about breaking the lease and i will leave

he called me heartless he said i am giving ultimatums he said i am jealous and insecure and he said i am basically accusing him of cheating and i told him no i am responding to behavior that would make anyone feel crazy and then he said kira is crying now and i made her feel unsafe and that i am the reason she is spiraling and he said wow i did not know you were this kind of person

now i am sitting here wondering if i crossed a line bc i know ultimatums are messy and i know she might actually be struggling and my boyfriend is acting like i am some monster for wanting my own home back. so, aita?

This is what people had to say to OP:

redditlurker1981 said:

I think you just need to leave. He obviously cares more about side chick than you. He’s already letting her walk all over you and gaslighting you about it. How would he feel to walk in and see you cuddling a dude under a blanket?!How you answer this question to yourself is very important.

Even if she leaves your house, she’s not leaving your lives. Soo, ask yourself where your line in the sand is

OP responded:

yeah, and thats the saddest thing. i put so much love effort time and energy into him and all he does this to me. eff him genuinely

teresajs said:

NTA. Go talk to the landlord now. The reason your BF jumped up so quickly is because he knows what he’s doing is wrong.

OP responded:

yeah lmao like if he did nothing wrong he wouldnt have acted like that at all. going to the landlord tomorrow to talk about this

Ok_Stable7501 said:

Tell them homewrecking makes you feel unsafe. NTA.

aadilsud said:

So her feelings matter, but yours don’t? I’ve broken up with people for less lmfao

BedroomEducational94 said:

They’re cheating. They are gaslighting you. Talk to the landlord and get out. NTA