“22M and 23F. I found something on my girlfriend’s phone, and now I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
So basically, I recently found out a lot of things about my girlfriend that I never knew before. For the longest time, she never really gave me her phone. Like, she would always keep it with her, grab it away quickly, and she never let me touch it. I didn’t want to assume anything, but it always felt weird. One day, I couldn’t take it anymore. I told her straight up:
“Either give me your phone right now or I’m leaving.”
After a lot of hesitation, she finally gave it to me. And I found something. I saw stuff that completely shocked me. I asked her what it was, what was going on, but she didn’t tell me anything at that moment. She just stayed silent.
Bro, I was literally standing there feeling sick. I didn’t even know what to think. I went home and I was honestly broken.
Later, she told me she would explain everything at home. So what happened was…
Back in 12th grade, she went to this coaching centre and apparently, there was this one guy there who everyone used to try to impress.
And she admitted that her ego got boosted because so many girls were after him, and she wanted his attention too.
She started talking to him, flirting with him, trying to “play” with him.
And the worst part? She told me she wanted to make him fall for her, and then once he confessed, she was planning to reject him on his face and block him.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
darklingdawns wrote:
So you were upset that she wouldn’t let you invade her privacy at will, which led you to issue a demand threatening to end the relationship if she didn’t do as you want. And she was playing games with an ex-crush because her ego once got wounded by him.
Neither one of you should be in any relationship until you each have a chance to mature and learn healthy relationship behavior. Learn right now that your partner has a right to privacy, and you do not have an absolute right to see their phone, their emails, or anything else they don’t wish to show you.
Ultimatums where you say ‘do x or I’m leaving’ are not only unhealthy but controlling. If you were concerned about her behavior, you needed to discuss it with her and then make whatever decision you needed to based on her replies.
OP responded:
I understand what you’re saying, but I want to clarify…I’ve never controlled her or demanded access to her phone in the past 6 years. I’ve always respected her privacy. This situation only happened because my phone was at the service centre and I genuinely needed to make a call, and while using it I saw a notification pop up.
Even then, she immediately denied giving me the phone, which is what made me feel uneasy. It wasn’t about invading privacy, it was about the sudden secrecy in that moment.
darklingdawns responded:
You still reacted in an extremely unhealthy manner. I can understand the sudden secrecy being concerning, but that’s when you needed to sit down with her to talk about it. ‘Hey, I saw X notification on your phone when I was using it for my call, and I wanted to ask about it. I feel like you’ve been being pretty secretive lately and that concerns me. What’s going on?’
Totallygenericperson wrote:
As much as that isn’t very good behaviour and I don’t condone it, it doesn’t mean she’s doing that with you too. A lot of people like the thrill of the chase. She was also a teenager many years ago, I wouldn’t sweat it too much tbh. My boyfriend fooled around with someone who then became a housemate. I didn’t care because he chose me, no point getting caught up in it imo.
OP responded:
Yeah, I get your point. People do dumb things when they’re younger and it doesn’t automatically mean she’d do that with me. What bothered me more was the mindset and the fact it was hidden. But you’re right…she chose me now, so I just need to see if I can truly move past it and trust her fully again.
AppropriateEbb5556 wrote:
What was it you found?
OP responded:
She flirts with them! Also tells they are like my brothers and sends mirror selfies! Also on call everyday while she never makes time to call me!
