“AITA for yelling at my neighbor over his constantly blaring car alarm?”
I (36M) live with my wife in a suburb. Our neighbors Dan and wife (couples in their 40s) are nice. We’ve been next to each other for five years with no problems. They have a 10 year old boy.In the past three months every Saturday and Sunday morning at about 7:30AM their car alarm goes off. Full sirens, honking, the whole deal. It lasts exactly one minute. It was wrecking our weekend sleep.After a few weeks I asked Dan about it politely when I saw him outside. He said “Oh that old thing? It’s sensitive to the morning dew I think. Sorry” That was it. No fix just an apology that changed nothing. Another month went by and same thing.
One Saturday I lost it. I was lying there waiting for it and when it started I marched straight over to their driveway in my sleep clothes. Dan was there in his robe turning it off. I didn’t let him speak. I said Dan we need to talk about this now. It’s been three months. You can’t just say sorry and do nothing. Get it fixed or park it somewhere else. This is ridiculous.
Just then their front door opened. His 10 year old son was standing there in his pajamas holding a breakfast bowl. He looked right at me yelling at his dad and his face just fell. He looked scared. Dan got this stern look and said “Not here. Not now.” The alarm had stopped and the quiet was awful. I felt like a bully. I just muttered “please figure it out” and went home.
My wife said I wasn’t wrong about the problem, but the way I did it… yikes. Later she talked to Dan’s wife over the fence. Dan’s wife explained that their son is autistic. Their old morning routine fell apart and he was having severe anxiety about his weekend therapy. The only thing that could reliably get him out the door calmly was a specific ritual: eat his oatmeal, then watch Dan “unlock” the car with the alarm.
The sound and predictability made him feel safe. They were working with his therapist to phase it out slowly but it was a delicate process. They didn’t tell people because they didn’t want to make their son’s private struggles a neighborhood topic.
I felt horrible. The next day (Sunday) the alarm didn’t go off. I saw them leave quietly later. I baked banana bread and went over to apologize properly. Dan accepted it but things are awkward now. My brother said Dan should have given us a heads up once it became a regular issue. I’ve written this for a while but felt too horrible to post. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
LiveKindly01 says:
ESH. You didn’t need to go from ‘asking’ about the alarm to ‘yelling’ a month or two later. You let it build up until you were at your breaking point then just unleashed. You need to learn to communicate better.
Werekolache says:
You may or may not be an wrong. We all mess up sometimes. But your behavior was jerk behavior. Dan also needs to do better. He was passively a jerk. This is fixable if everyone can start behaving like adults.
Jolly-Raspberry4017 says:
NTA- You tried to speak to him about it. He had an opportunity to tell you, at that time, what the deal was with his son. I think it was a perfectly natural reaction. Give it time. Things will get back to normal. They probably are feeling embarrassed about the situation, just as you are. Just go on with your days as though nothing ever happened. It will fade away.
coconut_curry_sauce says:
NTA. You felt bad so that is good but ultimately though, this is a lesson for them – don’t make their problem the neighborhood’s problem. A cop would be called to investigate and found that he’s been doing it on purpose. There are ways to do it in the house such as playing a recording or something.
What do you think?
