“AITA for ‘humiliating’ my fiancée by refusing to pay for her $15k dream wedding dress when she told me it’s a surprise for her ex?”

My (28M) fiancée (26F) and I are getting married in four months. I make alot more than her, so we agreed I’d cover the big ticket items, including her dress. She’s been talking about this $15k designer masterpiece for a year, and I’ve been saving trying to make her dream come true.Two days ago, I overheard her on the phone with her best friend. She was laughing and saying, When her ex sees the photos on Instagram, he’s going to realise exactly what he lost. That this dress is the ultimate “revenge look”.For context, she dated this guy for five years and he dumped her right before I met her. I thought she was over him, but hearing that my $15k is being used as a weapon to get a reaction out of her ex made me feel some type of way.

I confronted her and she got defensive and said it’s normal to want to look good for others, including people from her past. I told her I’m not a bank for her insecurities and canceled the payment for the dress. I told her she can buy any dress she wants with her own money, but I’m not subsidizing her revenge fantasy.Now her mom is calling me “controlling” and my fiancée is currently staying at her friend’s house, saying I’ve “ruined” her special moment and made her look poor to her social circle. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

notsoreligiousnow

Ummm…I’d say you have bigger problems than a dress here. Your fiancée is still hung up on her ex. Don’t marry this woman. She’s not as into you as you are into her. NTA.

New-Friend5145

This is the answer. Move on and find someone else. Don’t marry this woman it won’t end well for you.

Flat_Criticism6440

Not just that, but now she looks poor to her social circle. Which means she’ll spend as much as she wants as long as it makes her look rich. It doesn’t matter if you can afford it or not. Appearance means more to her than you.

ADorkAble1231

Sounds like he is the first husband until her ex comes back and becomes her second husband. 🤔 Might wanna rethink this one dude. At least postpone until she can show you this wedding isn’t just about her ex.

Also I’ve been with controlling men and it is offensive that her mom is calling this controlling. What you did is something anyone in this position should do! This isn’t a “you” problem, this is a “her” problem (with her ex thrown in for extra fun 🙃). NTA.

captianjack60

She should worry about how she looks for you. If she feels the need to show an ex what he missed out on then she is not over him. You may want to pause the wedding until she clears her mind of why she needs to seek revenge.

Neither-Act-9656

NTA for cancelling the dress. You might want to get into serious couples therapy ASAP. It sounds like maybe you are in a rebound relationship. If they broke up right before you got together, she may not be over him yet.

Impressive_Yam_7224

NTA – you have a bigger problem than a dress!!! it seems your fiancée isn’t over her ex and is using you to make her ex realise what he has lost , sorry your just rebound and she will drop you as soon as her ex pays her any attention. You deserve better ! You should never be second best to anyone.

No1-Sports-Fan

Here’s your sign …. your fiancé is not ready for marriage! At least not to a marriage to you. Her dress choice should what makes her feel beautiful and what impact it will have on you when you see her walking down the aisle. Cut your losses and move on, she’s not the one for you.

Educational_Rough743

I think you need to take a step back and looking at your whole relationship. These type of comments made by her shows she’s not over her ex at all. You need to review if there were signs in the past. Cause this is 100% not the first time she probably did or said something that related back to the ex.

Personally I could not get married to someone that has such a stronger desire to shows off to their ex on our wedding day. Its supposed to be about the two of you and for her its all about them.

LargeLetter1

It feels very much like you’ve planned a very expensive DAY together but not thought for a second about LIFE together. The dress will last one day. You’ve of blown all your savings for one day. For the rest of your life together you’ll want to save the future. I really don’t understand why anyone would need to blow that much money on a dress. And then live on beans on toast for their marriage.

FireBallXLV

At the very best this woman is just immature . But I think a better read of the situation is that she is an “ User”. You are a kind and generous person OP-willing yo SAVE a lot of money to give your bride the dress of her dreams.

But that same amount of money could have been spent on the home of your dreams that could last a Lifetime. Next go round find a woman with better goals. One who will appreciate you for more than your paycheck.

Fit_Government5138

It’s not about the dress anymore, your bigger issue is how she feels about you. Why would it matter if her ex saw her? Saying he’ll see what he lost? She’s obviously not over him. I’d reevaluate your future with her, and your relationship in general. She got defensive instead of acknowledging your feelings because she doesn’t care for you the way you care for her. This makes me so sad. I’m sorry it’s happening to you.

“AITA for ‘humiliating’ my fiancée by refusing to pay for her $15k dream wedding dress when she told me it’s a surprise for her ex?”