‘AITA for being in the room when my brother had surgery because his wife couldn’t be there?’

“AITA for being in the room when my brother had surgery because his wife couldn’t be there?”

My girlfriend is making me feel like I did something wrong and I genuinely cannot figure out what the problem is. So about a week ago my brother called me in a panic. He needed emergency surgery.Nothing life threatening but it was sudden and he was scared. His wife is overseas for work right now and couldn’t get back in time. He asked me to come to the hospital and be there with him.I didn’t even think about it. I just went. Called my girlfriend on the way and told her what was happening. She said she hoped he was ok and that she would meet us there.

She showed up and sat in the waiting room while I went back with him. They let me stay while they prepped him and I was there when he went under and I was there when he woke up. He was out of it and emotional and honestly really vulnerable. He cried a little when he came to and grabbed my hand and I just sat there with him until he was coherent again.

When I came back out to the waiting room my girlfriend was acting weird. Quiet. Short answers. I figured she was just tired or stressed from the whole situation so I didn’t push it.Then in the car she hit me with it. She said it was weird that I was in there with him during something so personal and intimate. She said she thought it was inappropriate for me to see him like that. That it crossed some kind of boundary.I was speechless. He’s my BROTHER. He was scared and alone and asked me to be there. What was I supposed to say. No sorry that’s too intimate, go through it by yourself?She’s been bringing it up for days now. Says she thinks he should have asked her instead since she’s a woman and it would have been less weird. But we’ve only been together for about eight months.

My brother barely knows her. Why would he ask someone he has met a handful of times to be there for one of the most vulnerable moments of his life instead of his own sibling.I keep asking her what the real issue is because the reason she keeps giving me doesn’t make any sense. She wont give me a straight answer. Just keeps saying it felt wrong and I should understand why.I told her honestly I think she needs to talk to someone about this because whatever is bothering her isn’t rational and I’m not going to apologize for being there for my brother when he needed me. She didn’t take that well either.The frustrating part is my brother actually really likes her. Hes been trying to include her in family stuff and she’s always been welcome. I don’t know where this is coming from and its starting to make me look at her differently. AITA for being there and refusing to apologize for it?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Ms_PlapPlap

Sounds like your girlfriend has a toxic masculinity problem: Men shouldn’t be caregivers or accept vulnerability from other men. That’s a woman’s role. Etc. Other than that I honestly can’t imagine what her problem is or why she thinks she’d have been a better candidate to comfort your brother before his surgery than you.

Vonkaide

He should’ve asked her? Maybe she fancies him lol.

Ambitious-Writer-825

I don’t think I quite understand. Your brother had an “intimate” medical issue and your girlfriend thinks she was the better option to support a person of the opposite sex with whom she doesn’t have a deep relationship? In her head, a brother supporting a brother during a difficult time is weird?

Careful-Self-457

Your GF is weird as F@&k!! Why is she sexualizing this?? You might want to figure that out before you go any further in this relationship. She needs some serious counseling for her insecurities and sexualization of innocent family encounters, obviously something has happened in her past. Either that or she is just crazy.

JanetInSpain

Woah dude dump this immature and insecure and, frankly CREEPY girlfriend. How did her pitiful brain even extrapolate all of that into being inappropriate? She’s either got creepy incest thoughts or she thinks this is going to turn you gay.

Or some other equally messed up mentality. She either fesses up what is really bothering her (see creepy incest thoughts above) or you dump her. Seriously. She ain’t right in the head. Update me!

dustyhoneysuckle

You are not wrong. You were being an amazing, supportive brother when he needed it the most. You probably have a good idea of his medical history too and who to call/notify of updates.

She made it weird. Very weird with thinking she’d have been a better option to be with him. Imagine his wife finding out your gf was there and you were not. While I would be grateful my husband wasn’t alone in an emergency situation, I would be perplexed on why my BIL wasn’t there instead.

emptynest_nana

You are NOT wrong. Your girlfriend is either super insecure and doesn’t need to be in a relationship OR she has some kind of pick me hero savior complex and was hoping to fulfill that with your brother. Which is just gross. If she does have a savior complex she could be a danger to her own future children. Look up munchausen syndrome by proxy, I could easily believe she would do something like that.

mikamitcha

NTA, but your gf is literally telling you she doesn’t want you to be intimate with your family. Sure, that can be an innuendo, but I doubt she meant it that way. You really wanna stay with someone who doesn’t think you should be close with your family?

ElectricalFocus560

You have one of the most mature levelheaded, rational responses to your girlfriend’s insanity that I’ve seen on Reddit. You sound like you were raised by adults and are an adult yourself. You deserve a better girlfriend than this.

When people go on about family helping family they’re usually trying to take advantage of family. You in fact, we’re there for family exactly the way family should be. I only wish I had siblings as empathetic and caring as you.