“AITA? My husband invited his mom to stay for a month because he decided I’m going to burn out. Now I’ve stopped doing his chores.”
We recently spent 3 months with family, where my parenting was constantly overridden by the grandparents. It was a disaster. Our 4 yr old stopped listening to me, the routine was gone, and my disciplining was constantly overridden.We’ve been back in our own apartment for a month, and I have worked my ass off to fix it. I have our 4 yr old back on a perfect sleep and eating schedule. I am also breastfeeding our 5 month old and doing 100% of the night wakings so my husband can sleep.I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, toddler activities, bath time, bedtime. My husband’s only responsibilities are the daycare drop offs and pickups and occasionally baby wearing while baby sleeps and he works when I can take my 4 year old out. I am exhausted but honestly content because I felt like I was supporting my husband and kids and it wasn’t going to be like this forever.
My husband has a demanding job and is also looking for a new one. He’s been stressed and says he hasn’t been able to focus on his job for so long because of his other responsibilities at home. I said I would support him and take on pretty much everything so he can focus on work.Despite me taking 95% of the domestic load so he can work, he has been insisting his mom (MIL) come stay with us for a month to help out because he’s “worried I’ll burn out.” I told him repeatedly: I don’t need help. I am doing great on my own and incredibly happy to have my own space to parent again.Yesterday, he got on the phone with her and told her he’d confirm dates for her to visit in the next two days. I was furious. When we talked afterward, he kept pushing the “you’re going to get tired and burn out’ narrative.
I finally snapped and told him to stop speaking for me that I am fine, but clearly he is the one who can’t handle the kids or his work. He admitted he needs to work weekends if he is going to find another job and its unfair to leave me to solo parent both kids.Out of pure frustration, I told him if she has to come have her come now so I can just get it over with.She is arriving in a few days.I’ve bent over backwards to support him so he wouldn’t feel he needed to step in to help and he’s basically signaled that my effort isn’t enough. I’m so resentful that I’ve stopped going the extra mile.I cooked dinner last night but left a massive pile of dirty dishes for him. I figured if I’m “burning out” and “need help” so badly, I might as well stop doing everything.
AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
BriefHorror
“if she comes we’re headed for divorce” thats literally where you’re at and you have a useless husband to boot.
No_Teacher_3313
NTA but have you told him that his parents override your parenting and make things worse? That they are going to contribute to your burnout instead of alleviating it?
Independent-State802 (OP)
He knows they do and he thinks he can handle it when she is here and that the help we will receive outweighs the other issues. I don’t agree and I do think we are sinking. I am literally doing most things and he barely does anything and it’s not enough for him.
writing_mm_romance
I would tell him if he can’t handle the family he chose to create, then maybe he should go live with his parents and let you do what you’ve been doing all along, since you’re clearly better off without him.
Distinct-Crow4753
NTA bro literally does nothing around the house and he wants to take on less? Also having his mom there isnt a help, its just an extra chore for you.
ChaoticCrashy
NTA Your husband is pushing his frustration onto you. His mother is coming to help HIM, not you. You were fine and you’ll be fine again once she leaves. When she arrives, set boundaries around your kids. Let her know what behaviors are unacceptable. You have a husband problem.
Independent-State802 (OP)
Thats exactly what i told him. I said to stop saying she needs to come to help me she is coming to help you. But honestly, I don’t know what help he is expecting. I was doing ALL of the housework and was trying expecting anything from him.
TA122278
Why are you staying with him? Sounds like he just makes more work for you as an extra person to take care of. And won’t even give the basic needs of parenting so he calls on his mommy to go it for him. Which isn’t helping you at all, just him.
So basically him and his mommy are making your life harder. Bc he can’t be bothered to parent his own kids. Sounds like a real winner! Just leave. It will be easier than taking care of an extra kid (your husband) and dealing with his interfering mommy.
Garden_gnome1609
Why the hell are you allowing this? You said no. That means no. Tell him he can choose – does he want to live with you and his kids or his mother, because it’s not going to be both. Enough with this passive aggressive BS. Just tell him to tell her not to come. If he doesn’t, tell him you and the kids will be finding somewhere else to be while she’s there.
Icy-You3075
“Hubby, I’ve been thinking about it. I appreciate you not wanting me to burn out and I understand that this is the only solution you have found to make sure that does not happen, but let me make this very clear for you : if your mother comes and stays with us, I’m going to loose my mind and sanity.
She might be helpful with chores, but her constant critisizing and undermining of my parenting is going to push me over the edge. Her being here is not going to help me in any way, shape or form. If she comes, I’m leaving you. The ball is in your court.”
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
