“AITA for “making things uncomfortable” for the friend group after one of them repeatedly disappeared when I needed support?”
In college (I’m 27F now), I was close with 2 girls, Julie (28F) and Casey (29F). We were all part of the same friend group. After graduating, Casey and I moved to different countries, Julie stayed in her hometown. Now, around that time, my home life had become really bad. I was really depressed and lonely in a new country and I tried to stay in touch with Julie and Casey, especially during that 1st year.Julie is famously “bad at texting/calling”. Messages would go unopened for days if not weeks. Calls had to be planned a week in advance at least. We’d schedule calls around time zones and then the day would come and I’d be the only one online.I’d text to check in, get no response, and sometimes wouldn’t hear back for days. Casey was moving around the same time so she often told me and Julie to go ahead without her but I’d never hear from Julie.
I repeatedly asked her to just tell me if plans changed so I wouldn’t sit at home waiting. Even when I told them I was struggling and needed support nothing changed. Eventually I stopped reaching out and once I did our group chat died completely. Casey would occasionally message privately but Julie basically vanished unless it was someone’s birthday. I got used to it and moved on.About a year later Julie got engaged to someone who lives in my city. Suddenly she started contacting me a lot for advice about moving here. She apologized for losing touch before and said she was working on communicating better because she had to do long-distance with her fiancé. She promised she had changed but once she got the info she needed from me she disappeared again.Julie got married. I couldn’t go to the wedding because of my family situation and when I called to tell her I couldn’t make it, I finally told her about how bad things had been with my family. She was very emotional and said she felt like she’d “abandoned me” when I needed her and promised to do better.
The next time she reached out first was to ask if she could invite my ex from college to her wedding (he harassed her after I broke up with him). I told her it’s her wedding and she should invite who she wants.After that, nothing until she moved to my city. Now she mostly contacts me last minute like “I’m in the area, free now?” or when she needs something. We have some more mutual friends here now so I’ve met her a couple of times at group hangouts. In person, she acts like nothing has changed which honestly makes it more confusing.Recently, one of these mutual friends noticed I seemed distant with Julie and asked about it. I explained everything and my friend went “That’s just how Julie is, she’s a great person!” and basically told me I was the problem for making things uncomfortable.I don’t hate Julie I’m just tired of feeling like she only remembers to be my friend when its convenient for her. Our other college friends have heard about this and also think I’m just causing drama. So AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
MovieLazy6576 says:
NTA. Julie isn’t your friend.
cinekat says:
If that’s “just how Julie is” then she is quite obviously not a great person and certainly not a good friend. NTA but let your expectations of reciprocity go.
Saltnsugarstars says:
NTA. You can stop being friends with anyone. At any time. For any reason. You don’t need to explain it to anyone. You don’t owe anyone a reason.
lord_buff74 says:
NTA, also your friend is wrong, Julie is not a great person.
What do you think?
