“AITA for not wanting to share my birthday with a man I hate?”

I will be turning 18 seven days after this post. I texted my group chat (with around 8 ppl in it) to invite them over to my house for an intimate birthday party. It will be the first time that I’ve had a birthday party since my sweet sixteen.Everyone responded with “sounds fun” and “I’ll be there!” and I went to bed, but when I woke up, I saw a text from him. I’ll call him Bobby. For some quick background, Bobby is a AH.He’s a military kid that moved to my town in my junior year, and we have butted heads since day one. Some of my friends met him at church in the summer before junior year started, and off of first impression he seemed cool, but when he met me we almost immediately didn’t get along.

My friends however, encouraged us to “start over” and try to be nice to each other. So I tried-he did not. It’s impossible to name all the fights we had, but one prominent one we had for context is from prom my junior year.I had gotten a Denny’s gift card from work and told my friends that I would use it to get a round of pancakes for the group and something for me and my boyfriend at that time after the dance, and if they wanted anything else, they’d have to pay for it themselves.Everyone agreed and we went around 1am. When we went to pay, I paid my share with my gift card. Bobby, who had gotten a whole separate meal, realized that he had been overcharged by around 4 dollars for a milkshake. He immediately blamed me, and here’s how the conversation went:

Bobby: Hey I was charged an extra $4!

Me: That sucks you should go talk to the waiter.

Bobby: No you need to go talk to the waiter.

Me: Why would I do that??

Bobby: Because you said you would pay for everyone but now I’m being charged, you need to go get this figured out or you owe me $4.

My friend: Bobby this doesn’t make sense, stop blaming her. It’s probably a simple mistake. Was _____ charged for their milkshake?

Bobby: No….

My friend: Well then the waiter just charged you for your friend’s. It has nothing to do with her.

Bobby: (angrily to me) I’m going to remember this. (walks out of restaurant)

Now that you have some context about some of the nonsense that he likes to pull, it makes sense why I don’t want to share a birthday with him. And I should have to.

The only reason why I still hang out with him sometimes is because a few of my friends are still friends with him, and I don’t feel like tearing apart my 4-year long friend group apart my senior year over one person. not worth my time. Anyway, he was held back in elementary school, and so instead of turning 18, he is turning 19 in 3 days.

He already made plans to go to the movies with friends that day and he’s having a birthday dinner, so while he’s not having a party that day, he still made plans for his birthday already. So, I texted my friends and everyone was down to come to my birthday party on the day of my birthday.

I go to bed around 9:30, and when I woke up at 6 I checked my phone and saw a texted in the group chat from Bobby that said:

“I would be hosting a birthday party that night btw if y’all want to go to ____’s instead, I understand, or we could incorporate it in.”

In shock, I clarified that it was my birthday and that even if I were to move it (which I would never) I couldn’t because I have softball districts and my clinicals for my CNA all in a congested period of time right now.

So, my birthday is the only day that I could even have my friends over. his reasoning for having his party on that day was because it’s the only day that one of his other friends could make it.

My girlies have my back and aren’t going to even entertain going to his party, but I’m scared to talk to some of my guy friends because they might chose to go to his party, or leave my party early to go to his.

I don’t want to back down, but I’m tempted to have a girls only party so I same myself the butt hurt of possibly having some of my friends choosing him over me on my birthday. what should I do?

Ten days later, the OP returned with an update.

So it has been a hectic but good week. basically, I did nothing. I sat back and let things play out. After being…. talked to by a few of my friends, Bobby backed down and said he’d try to find a different date, and that was chill.

I felt very relieved. However, the night before my birthday a revive a text saying:

“Would we be able to have a joint party tomorrow night?

The only reason why I wanted a separate one is because I want to spend it with ____(friend that’s moving) before he moves away, but if he’d be able to come would that be fine? I’m willing to help pay for some of the food too.”

After about 30 minutes of thinking, I responded with this:

“I’m really not comfortable having ____ over for my birthday tomorrow. this is planned to be a very intimate hangout of not just my friends, but my family too. if you want to be with him instead, then I totally understand and support that. I’m so sorry that he’s moving but my family and I aren’t wanting to change tomorrows plans, so I’m going to stick with just the people I invited”

And he responded with just “okay”.

So, it’s the afternoon of and he texts the saying he was inviting a bunch of people over for his bday party (even tho his birthday was over and it was my birthday) and he was gunna start his party at 5… and he knew that my party started at 5.

And, he said he was gunna have like a big swimming and shooting thing planned. I immeasurably stress out again, because why did he reinstate his plans again, and will the idea of shooting make my friends want to go to his party instead? But instead of responding…. I just sit back and let things play out.

Long story short, everyone showed up and stayed the whole night. We had tons of fun and no one even mentioned leaving to go to his place. Everyone had the full intention of spending the day with me and my family.

Later, I look at his insta story, and see that the only ppl that showed up to his party was his friend that’s moving and his girlfriend. It was a very happy ending, for me at least. And I know that my friends are the most loyal <3

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Serious-Yellow8163

She really handled that one well.

Turuial

Yeah, one of the hardest things even an adult can learn is to step back and just let events take their natural course.

bg555

Ahh, the drama of being a teenager again. As a GenX adult, I can only roll my eyes 🤣

CelebKelvar

Couldn’t pay me to deal with the teenage era again.

Pro-tip kids. It does get better and easier, relatively, the older you get. Not perfect though.

Ninja_Flower_Lady

I feel like people are kind of writing this post off as “just some dumb teen drama,” but I think it’s more serious than that. Yes, they’re in high school and yes it’s just a birthday party, but that’s just details. If you switch out the setting to work, then it’s a serious issue where Bobby is trying to push someone around.

Why is he blaming OP for the milkshake thing? Why is he planning everything to conflict with OP and trying to poach her guests? Bobby sounds like a bully, or at least has a strong personality and likes to steamroll over people who are less confrontational. That’s a problem.

For people who don’t like conflicts, having a Bobby around AND focused on you is super stressful. And it sounds like he’s focused on OP for due to religion. I still remember as a kid, being teased mercilessly by a group of three boys. My mom dismissed it as cute because “they must like me,” but it’s super miserable to go to school daily and dreading classes. I’m glad at least her friends support her.

“AITA for not wanting to share my birthday with a man I hate?”