WIBTAH If I divorced my husband after we lost both our children. I don’t feel I can do it anymore

Me and him married extremely young and it was still only about 10 years after the fall of Iron Curtain. People were poor. We were both very early 20s. our first born daughter got sick. She was still a baby. Doctors told us she will be fine and sent her home from the hospital. One night she breaths with difficulty and my husband called an ambulance. They arrived after like one hour (!) and they told us they don’t have oxygen. So they called another ambulance. Our daughter didn’t make it and she gave her last breath in my husband’s arms.

This made him very ambitious. He was already an engineering student and he decided to make it to the top. And he did. We had another daughter. He made it to the top of a big manufacturing company and he has been managing it for almost 5 years already, more than 500 people. For these kind of careers you cannot be very soft and understanding and you must focus on the company goals and strategies, so he has always been rather stern, low tolerante and short tempered.

But still in healthy manner. But our daughter got to a teen age and started hainging out with the wrong crowd. I was way too soft, my husband way way too strict and neither could handle it. She jumped (or fell) from a balcony at the age of 16. She also suffered from depression.

This made my hsuband really lose all his humanity. He is now 43 and we are roomates. He is extremely workoholic, more control and power obsessed at work and he is really cruel to employees with children. He doesn’t allow them any flexibility. I know he had reports at HR but they never did anything. He especially seems to target people with kids, especially fathers, not mothers. In his little free time he practices sports or runs on treadmill at home, with his headphones

He goes in the middle of the night at the cemetery and cries. But he will not go with me. Every time I initiate any kind of intimacy he turns his back on me. And recently admitted to me (After I insisted) that he cheated on me with his head of sales. A lady in her 30s. He was very cold about it. He said: I don’t care about her, its not an afair. She is nobody for me. But you are free to leave. I will not stop you. Why she was good for him (Even if just for intimacy and I wasn’t)

I stil iron his shirts every morning, I still fix his tie when needed, but I feel like this is a lost battle. Last week, without a word, he grabbed my hand in the bed, but didn’t say anything and then just released it.