“AITA for planning a hiking and picnic event that wasn’t wheelchair accessible?”
I (late 20s) help run a small local group that organizes social events for adults in our area (most members 20-40s), to help people reconnect post-pandemic and get out of isolation habits. We’ve held tons of different events: mall hangouts, museum trips, science centers, metro park picnics, basically things that are fun, low-cost and don’t need alcohol.
This month we decided to a hiking and picnic day at a nearby national park. The trails there are really pretty, but not paved, so it was definitely a more hike, physically active event compared to some of our other events.
The day of the event, a member posted in our Facebook group asking if it was wheelchair accessible. At that point, it was too late to change plans, and honestly, the answer was no the hike definitely wasn’t accessible, and the picnic might have been accessible, but since the tables are first-come-first-serve, we couldn’t guarantee a flat easy to get to spot.
So I told them that it may not be fully accessible and gave the best and worst case areas we saw we may picnic at with pics from Google. That’s when everything blew up. The member started calling us ableist and an AH for not thinking of them, saying we should have thought about accessibility first, and that holding an event like this made them feel like an afterthought.
People were blowing up our facebook group, saying we should only plan events that are accessible to everyone and others where saying that not everything could be completely accessible. Now this may be where I may be more of the AH.
After all the drama and being accused of being ableist I responded with a bit of a snarky and rude remark saying “sorry I couldn’t go out with my hammer and chisel the night before and make sure the rocky trails where smooth for everyone” and that “If you would have actually read the event when we posted it you would have seen where it’s located and that it likely wasn’t accessible”
This is the first event we’ve done that wasn’t wheelchair accessible. Literally all our past ones were. The member who started the argument has come to maybe one or two events total. It just feels like we got attacked for trying to do something a little different for the people who do show up regularly.
The event itself was super successful great turnout, everyone who came had fun, and people are already asking when we’ll do another one. But now there’s drama and I feel like no matter what we do, someone will be upset. I get wanting to feel included, and I don’t want anyone to feel excluded, but is it really fair to make every event work for every single person?
This is what people had to say to OP:
Uubilicious_The_Wise said:
As the saying goes, You can’t please all of the people all of the time.
For planning the event, NTA. For your snarky comment, YTA.
onlysophiassecret said:
ESH. You shouldn’t have said that. They shouldn’t have responded to a lack of accessibility like that. There are ways to communicate like adults and honestly it doesn’t sound like anyone did.
I think put your ego aside and communicate with the members who expressed they were upset and try to learn from it. Community events should serve the community. Its understandable that not everything is always 100% accessible, unfortunately thats the way of the world, but if you’re going to take a community leader role you need to act like a leader and try your best.
Also, be kinder next time, they probably felt excluded enough already without your comment. I understand being hurt for receiving so many comments about an oversight.
InterviewGlum9263 said:
ESH. I’m in a wheelchair myself. Not every event can be accessible to everyone, and no one was demanding last-minute changes. Still, you didn’t plan the event with accessibility in mind, nor did you clearly state in the description that it wasn’t accessible. The Facebook member shouldn’t have called you an AH, but your response was unnecessarily rude.
So no, you’re not an AH for organizing a hiking and picnic event that wasn’t wheelchair accessible, but you are for how you communicated and handled the situation. That said, don’t be discouraged from organizing more social events. Your local group does great work, and it’s appreciated.
slendermanismydad:
It’s a Facebook group where you all are planning things for free. You’re not going to be able to accommodate anyone all the time. I would have banned them from the group for starting drama. They are welcome to start their own group. Don’t fall for this in the future. NTA.
gadgetdwf
YTA. Not every event can be accessible to everyone, and that’s unfortunate and imperfect, but it it’s the reality of the world we live in. But.
“Sorry I couldn’t go out with my hammer and chisel the night before and make sure the rocky trails were smooth for everyone.”
Responding to a disabled persons completely understandable disappointment and frustration in a world that makes it hard for them to exist with scathing sarcasm, acting like they’re being fussy and dramatic, is complete a^%ehole behaviour.
In the comments OP added this:
I saw some people ask or assume some stuff so I figured I would add some more context.
It’s a private Facebook group but there are only a few questions you have to answer to gain access to keep out bots and to make sure the people joining are in the area.
I am not with any government group nor do I get any money for doing the events and spend from my own wallet when it’s needed like bringing extra food, or renting a space for us to and some dedicated members help with rental costs sometimes as well. We have a little over 100 people in the group.
I have been doing this for about 3ish years and we have 1 to 2 events a month but slow down in the winter because it’s harder to find free space when it’s cold. The events themselves get around 15-20 people average but some have a lot more depending on the venue (I think we ended up having 17 at this particular event).
This event was also suggested by other members and that’s normally how I pick what events to do but it was ultimately me who made the event and picked the date. I normally give 2 weeks notice for the event and that is what I did for this event as well.
This was the first time we went to this location so I wasn’t fully informed about what all was at this location
The original posting about the event did include the trails I was recommended and that we were planning to hike and included that boots or good sneakers were recommended because it has been raining lately so the trails may be muddy and potentially slippery.
I didn’t immediately go with my snarky/as^*$lish comment. I first was trying to help and shared pics of the location from Google with the best case and worst case areas we may end up for the picnic area and show pics of the trails we were planning to hike. From that info they decided that it wasn’t accessible for them.
Then they called me an a^%$ole and ableist for not making the event accessible to them and even then I tried telling them that our next event was a mall/arcade event.
From past experience at that location, I know is wheelchair friendly two weeks from this one or that if they wanted to have an outdoors event more similar to this one we have metro park events often but unfortunately I couldn’t give a date for them because the weather is getting colder here so I couldn’t confirm anything (that all took place in dms).
That’s when they continued to go on and then post about it in the group which is where all the drama started happening and at that point I was already at the event trying to set up food and find people then added to that dealing with the online drama and trying to explain the same things I was explaining to them in dms so after all that I said my snarky remarks out of frustration with everything.
(Not that it justified what I said, from the comments here I can see I was definitely the a%^&ole either way for those comments)
