“I just inherited 12 million dollars. I don’t know what to do with my life.”
I’ve just inherited 12 million dollars. I’m a 34-year-old man, and for the last 12 years I’ve been caregiving for my parent, starting almost immediately after university. It was a full time job immediately, but it very quickly became a 24-hour job.
I’ve never had an actual career, it was so time consuming I lost contact with all my friends. For the last 4.5 years even with assisting caregivers, their dementia caused aggression and massive behavioral issues if I was present and actively calming them down.
They’ve passed, and I’m thankful they no longer have to suffer, but I’ve been left completely lost. My adult life has been dedicated to caregiving for someone. I’ve not lived my own life. I’ve had no actual jobs, let alone a career. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I haven’t spoken to friends in nearly half a decade and I don’t know if any of them would even remember me anymore. I’ve never traveled. I’ve never lived.
I’ve been mentally ill for the past 3 years. If I didn’t have someone who relied on me I’d have been long gone (paradoxically, I suppose, because I doubt I’d feel like a husk of a human if I wasn’t caregiving).
I feel so guilty because I know people are struggling to survive, let alone do well. I know people would kill for a quarter of what I’ve gotten. But I just want to give it all away and die already.
There are paths I always wanted to try, things that when my parent got sick I was going to do. I always wanted to be a filmmaker. I had so many ideas for movies. But I’ve been too depressed and too avoidant to even watch a movie in the last 3 years let alone create anything myself.
I’ve been left as a person who basically does not know how to live. I can’t figure out crap for myself, or if I can I’m now too terrified to try. Mistakes I should have been figuring out with everyone else over a decade ago I’m too scared to make as I’m near middle aged.
Heck, I don’t know the first thing about finances, I don’t even know what to do with my inheritance. It’s starting to hit me how little there is for me in life even as I’ve inherited so much.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
LionlyLion said:
Your life has just begun man. You’re going to grow and change so much now that you’re free to do what you want.
Sufficient_Curve5386 said:
Find a therapist. At least to talk about this extreme change in your life. Travel! And write these movie ideas down (we all know Hollywood needs new ideas)!
Big_Baloogas said:
Think of it as an award for dedicating your life to others. You’re only 34 your life isn’t over. You could live another 34 years. You could imagine it as reliving your life. Do all the things you’ve wanted to do, but couldn’t. You can start thinking of yourself as old when you hit 55. That’s still 21 years away!
LaMadreDelCantante said:
Take a trip. Go somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. Then come back, rent an apartment, and hire a reputable financial advisor. Let them help you figure out what you can afford housing-wise and how to invest your money so you can pursue your goals for fulfillment instead of for money. I’m sorry for your loss.
PowerfullDio said:
You’ve always lived for others, and now you have a chance to live for yourself. I would recommend you start with therapy, you are still grieving the loss, you now have freedom and monetary means to just enjoy life.
Pets also tend to help with the loneliness. Good luck, and if you want to give me 1M I would be happy to take it off your hands (sorry had to take the shot just in case).
jclom0 said:
You don’t change your depression overnight. Having money is great for freedom, but it’s still going to be a bit of work to find how to be happy. Do you have hobbies you used to enjoy? Have you ever dreamed of going traveling to a particular place?
Take it small steps at a time. Maybe start with a weekend trip somewhere nearby, or start a class at the gym or pottery class or whatever interests you. Definitely find a financial advisor, and do not keep all your money in one place, in case they try to rip you off.
There is also zero reason to tell any new friends or acquaintances that you have money. That’s your own personal business. Good luck, you will get through this emptiness. It will just take time. I’m positive you will build a happy and fulfilling life. You are a good person and you deserve to be happy.
aok87 said:
Hire an attorney, an accountant, and a financial advisor. DON’T TELL ANYONE YOU KNOW ABOUT THE INHERITANCE. Move in silence. Get yourself set up on their advice. Then get yourself a referral for a good therapist. Try out multiple until you find someone that works for you. You need to figure out who you are inside first, and you now have the financial bandwidth to do so. Best of luck.
