‘I ruined my friend’s mom’s life. I didn’t fully realize it until now.’
“I(42M) ruined my friend’s(38M) mom’s(62F) life.”
Almost 13 years ago, I had to move to a different state for grad school, and I became friends with a guy I met let’s call him Matt. We became friends quickly and hung out a lot. I also became friends with his mum let’s call her Jen. I was missing my family, and it felt nice to be welcomed into their home. I ended up getting a little too close with Jen.
At first, we kept it a secret, but eventually the guilt got to her and she confessed to Matt. At first, he said he didn’t care and seemed okay at first so I was relieved and I dated Jen for a while but I could tell something was off. He no longer wanted to have lunch with me and wasn’t as chill with me anymore. I felt terrible about it and talked to Jen, and we decided it was best to end things.
I moved away to a different state when I graduated and got a new job. I haven’t seen either of them in many years. A little over two weeks ago, I went back. I wasn’t exactly intending to visit them, but I happened to be in the area and got curious, so I decided to see if they still lived in the same place. I found Jen there, and she seemed a bit off like she wasn’t exactly happy to see me. I talked to her, and eventually she loosened up and invited me in for coffee. We talked and caught up. I’m married now and have a son, and she seemed curious about my life. Still, I could tell she seemed rather sad. I asked her about Matt, and she got awfully quiet and kept dodging the question. In the end, I just straight-up asked her if everything was okay.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
jarineek_3 wrote:
Wow…this is heavy. The fact that Matt cut his mom off completely says everything about how deeply this hurt him. You can’t undo it now, but maybe reach out to Matt and apologize? Though honestly, after 10 years, that ship has probably sailed…
OP responded:
I did apologize years ago but I have no idea where the guy is now neither does she.
AdmiralRiffRaff wrote:
So you shagged your mate’s mum and expected him to be okay with it? Matt’s better off without the two of you tbh, and he’s allowed to make that decision without input from either of you.
OP responded:
Well, you’re right in a way. I am at fault here and that’s why the guilt is tormenting me.
Twerksoncoffeetables wrote:
I wanna agree with the others here so far and say that I think there’s more to this than just that alone. I mean what you did wasn’t great, should’ve asked your friend if it was cool first or maybe just not done it at all but that’s also something she should’ve and could’ve done even more so since she was a decade+ older.
fromhelley wrote:
Are you sure you are the first of Matt’s friends that had something going on with his mom though? I had a friend who couldn’t bring any males to the house because her mom would hit on them. Matt’s mom seemed discreet. But she is obviously attracted to, or seeking attention (or validation) from young men.
Matt’s, I’m sure, felt betrayed by you both. I can’t say I blame him.
But you didn’t ruin the relationship between Matt and his mom. She did that. It is normal to be attracted to some of your friend’s moms in your teens and early 20s.
It isn’t so normal for them to reciprocate. She made her own choice to start up with you. Matt could also have other reasons for leaving his mom in his past. It could have less to do with you than you think. So please don’t beat yourself up about it. You did something stupid for a woman. What man in his 20s hasn’t?
glittering_swan4911 wrote:
Takes two to tango. She was older and should have known better. What was she thinking of sleeping with her son’s friend?? You were his age so it’s definitely not cool. You both made a terrible decision but she had more to lose. If he cut her off for this then I’m assuming there was more going on. People make mistakes but I think maybe there were other things you didn’t know that had happened between them.
