AITAH? Can lack of trust alone be a valid reason to end a relationship?
I (22M) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for a while now and I’m honestly really conflicted.
Early on in the relationship, she lied to me about a few things. Nothing involving cheating, but enough to make me question her honesty. We talked about it, she apologized, and she’s told me multiple times that she’s being completely honest now and wants to move forward the right way.
Logically, I want to believe her. Emotionally, I don’t fully.
I’ll be upfront — I have baggage. I’ve been cheated on in the past, and I know that affects how I see things. Because of that lingering doubt, I did something I’m not proud of and snooped through her phone.
What I found didn’t show cheating or anything crazy. But I did find some small inconsistencies between things she told me and what was actually there. Again, nothing major — but it made me realize how easily she can lie about small stuff, and that scares me long-term.
Now I feel stuck.
She swears she’s being honest now.
I don’t have solid proof she isn’t.
But I still don’t feel trust.
We’ve already talked about this topic multiple times, and I don’t want to keep bringing it up and make her feel like she’s constantly being interrogated. At the same time, I don’t know how to move forward when the disbelief won’t go away.
On top of that, lately the relationship has started to feel more like hanging out with a friend than being with a girlfriend. The dynamic feels different than it did at the beginning, and that’s been bothering me more than I expected. (EDIT: We’ve talked since i originally wrote this, i didn’t want to jump the gun on asking for advice. but we both came up with the solution, i was also part of the problem of treating her like a homie at times so i contributed to the dynamic)
My biggest question is this:
Is it wrong or unfair to consider ending a relationship when there’s no hard proof of betrayal, just a persistent lack of trust?
I feel guilty even thinking about leaving when she says she’s trying and doing better. But I also don’t want to build a future with someone if I’m constantly questioning what’s real.
I’m not trying to paint her as a bad person or excuse my own mistakes — I just genuinely don’t know if this is something that can be fixed, or if the trust is already too damaged.
Any honest advice is appreciated.
