AITA for banning my husband’s “boys nights” from our backyard
I (31F) feel like the fun police in my own house and I am honestly so tired of it.
My husband “Jake” (33M) is a super social guy and I knew that when we got married, he loves having people around. When we bought our small house with a decent backyard last year, he immediately called it “party central” and started talking about firepits, beer pong, poker nights, all that. At first I did not mind. A couple of times a month he would have 3 or 4 friends over, they would grill, drink, play music at a reasonable volume, then help tidy up.
I would either hang out with them for a bit or stay inside with a book, no big deal. But then over the past 6 or so months things really changed. It went from “a couple times a month” to “every single weekend” and then random weeknights. People started showing up without warning, sometimes even before I got home from work, using my kitchen, my nice glasses, my spices, my candles, like the house is some kind of free bar. Beer cans everywhere, muddy footprints on the floor, cigarette butts crushed into the grass, bottle caps in the flowerbeds that I planted. One time I came home and one of his friends was napping on our couch wrapped in my blanket, socks off, snoring. I know that sounds small but I just felt like I had zero privacy in my own place.
I have talked to Jake so many times. I tried to be reasonable, not naggy. I asked if we could limit it to twice a month and only on weekends, and that people need to leave by midnight and actually help clean. He agreed in the moment, then the very next week he texted me “btw the guys are coming over tonight” on a Thursday. I said no, I had a rough day and wanted a quiet night. He literally replied “it is my house too, I dont need permission to have my friends over”. We fought, he accused me of being controlling and boring and said I “hate that he has friends”. After another night where they stayed till 3 am playing loud drinking games while I had to wake up at 6,
I finally snapped. The next morning, while cleaning up empty beer cans and picking up a broken planter that apparently “just fell”, I told him I was done. No more big hangouts in our yard, small chill groups are fine but no more full boys nights, poker tables, speakers, random people passed out on my couch. He got really angry, said I was overreacting and that lots of wives would be happy their husbands are at home instead of bars. He also said I embarrassed him by texting one of his friends “hey please use coasters next time, the table is solid wood” even though the guy had already left three rings on it. Now he keeps telling people that I “banned fun” and acts sulky every weekend. He will say things like “well I would invite you guys over but clearly that is not allowed anymore” in this sarcastic tone. I feel guilty because I do not want to be controlling, but I also work full time, pay half the mortgage and would like to be able to sit in my own living room without stepping over somebody’s cooler. AITA for shutting down the boys nights or is he just refusing to see basic boundaries.
