AITA for not playing any child support?
This is other people OP:
NTA. They didn’t want you to be a dad, so you aren’t a dad. They’re only regretting their decision now because they need money.
If you consider helping out financially, you need to insist that you also be allowed to have a relationship with your kid with no secrets about why you haven’t been around. The kid deserves to know that the only reason you weren’t around is because of their moms.
No doubt they’ve poisoned the poor kid’s mind about why their father left, so at this point it’s risky even to consider having a relationship with the child. The child would be a teen now, and teens especially can be cruel and heartless if they think you wronged them
Agree on the poisoned mind of the child, and also have to look at the fact that “Becca” didn’t want him around, probably felt that he could be a threat to their relationship. After 13 yrs does she feel differently, I doubt it but things can change.
It’s probably best and least harmful to all involved to let things remain the way they are and when the child is older and has a more mature outlook, let the child seek out the father.
NTA legally. She and Becca told you to fuck off, but now they want you as a bank.
IF you do still want a relationship with your child, put forth this offer:
Ask for split custody and parental rights instead. No child support. If there’s split custody then your ex only has to house and feed him 50% of the time which relieves a significant economic burden.
They’ll obviously say no, because it’s never about relieving their economic burden, they just want an easy way to your money. At which point cut them out and rebut anyone that complaints with “I made them an offer, they refused. That’s the end of my cares”.
though also keep in
This would be a huge burden to put on the kid. 13 years old and forced to live w/a stranger?
Of course mom and Becca would say ‘no’, but what if they said ‘yes’? That would be an extremely difficult situation for the innocents – kid and dad, while mom and Becca basically win the lottery.
I doubt they’d ‘win the lottery’ since they pretty much coerced OP to give up rights in the first place and never even thought this an option.
I also prefaced this with “If you still want a relationship with your child”, so that accounts for the Dad’s burden: because the option of my offer is predicated on him wanting it anyways.
And as for the kid, they also got 0 choice on knowing their dad. They could also try and give them a choice now.
OP could just as likely say “this is my offer” and then if his kid doesn’t want it rescind it over that unforeseen circumstance. “I offered, but “child” doesn’t see me nor want me as a father figure, therefore I need not fulfil any responsibilities of a parental figure/ read: child support”.
NTA
You were coerced to waive your rights and you are in no legal or moral obligation. You were merely a sperm donor, at least according to your ex and her new partner.
If you want to pay child support, that is definitely up to you. Personally, I’d ask to have some contact with your child AND instead of just forking over money I’d ask them what the child needs and get those things. Not hand over money which may or may not go towards the child.
Be careful, if OP does that, the ex can likely show that OP started paying and the courts may see that and make him continue should he ever stop again
