Spouse wants to take our 3 kids to visit family (parents and 3 siblings) for the holiday. I want to stay home to avoid travel and discomfort with 3 month old and to stay in my own comfortable space with the routine and demands of that baby.

Spouse has done many things to make the travel as easy on the baby (re: me) as possible. Willing to buy expensive plane tickets. Willing to find a bus to avoid car travel. Willing to make all necessary stops for baby. Willing to get multiple hotels along the way. Willing to turn it into a mini vacation and only spend a few days with family.

But it will always include a 2 hour drive from a small airport or a 4 hour drive from a major airport. This baby suffers from reflux and other tummy troubles that require stopping every 5-20 minutes in a car. Which would include stopping on small, one lane highways to tend to the baby while keeping the 5 & 7yo entertained.

My older kids are already struggling with having less attention in their own space. I’m imagining they will be more [outward behavior problem caused by inner turmoil] in grandparents house and out of their routine. … My kids struggle at home, but it can be mitigated because they are in their own space. Being in an uncomfortable space, with extra adults and new to them rules, AND continuing to have less attention from parents might make them terrors of behavior. I’m thinking having a break from baby would be good for them, but who truly knows.

My spouse always ends up irritated with family by the end of a visit. I think they want me to go to help their emotions, feelings, and reactions. … I do help them not get as frustrated at their parents.

And I feel uncomfortable in their house. Lots of unnecessary details there.

It would be so much easier on me if I stay home with the 3mo baby and avoid all of it.

I struggle to make decisions (recovering people pleaser) and really can’t tell if I’m a) taking care of myself, or b) being an asshole.

So, WIBTA if I stayed home and spouse took older kids alone? I would be keeping baby from meeting grandpa, two aunts and one uncle and their respective families. I wouldn’t be there to help spouse parent the kids. And most important, spouse feels rejected by my choice and it causes some hurt in our relationship.