When this mom of two desperately doesn’t want more kids but doesn’t want to be on the pill anymore, she asks
“AITAH for not wanting to be on hormonal birth control but still wanting to use protection?”
I (28F) have been on birth control on and off for about 10 years. The only times I was off was when I was trying to get pregnant, and the subsequent pregnancy. My husband (27M) and I have been married for almost four years. We have two children (2M and 1M), and I have stood my ground on not wanting any more children. That is, of course, subject to change but as of right now, no more. My husband wants one more, to try for a girl.
I was talking to my husband about getting off the pill, because I’m kinda tired of shouldering the responsibility of…well being responsible, on my own. Hormonal birth control can be a bit hectic on the system, and I feel like I need a break. We don’t really have se% a lot, mainly because we have two small kids and my drive is super low. I have been trying to get my drive back up on my own, since he gets frustrated when I don’t finish during se%. I proposed that my husband can use condoms or consider getting a vasectomy, which is a reversible process. (Important note: I’d be willing to get a tubal ligation IF it were reversible but sources tell me they aren’t. And comparatively speaking, a vasectomy is less harsh of a procedure). He immediately got defensive, and said that he can just pull out, since it’s worked before and he’s never had any issues. Now, the pull out method isn’t super effective, and I told him that.
He started to go on about how he hates condoms (he has ahem insecurities) and that I’m being unreasonable. I told him that I do not want to be in hormonal birth control any longer, and that he can also be proactive about it, and if he chooses to keep insisting that I continue to be the only one preventing pregnancy in our relationship, we don’t need to have se%.He started yelling, saying I’m selfish and all I care about is not getting pregnant and my needs. Like. I had high risk pregnancies and that isn’t something I’m keen on repeating.I talked to my best friend about it, and while she understands my dilemma, she said I can’t expect him to just want to use condoms when he’s been raw dogging since we got married. I feel bad but at the same time….I don’t want to be on hormones. AITAH?
Then, OP offers this additonal information about her reproductive system in an Update:
I’m not pushing the vasectomy on him. If he wants to do it, fine. If not, there are other options that he can pursue. A hysterectomy would require me to be on HRT. I don’t want that.Also, I noticed after I had our youngest that I didn’t want to have se% like we usually did. I wanted something more, a lot more exciting.
Let’s see what readers thought about this dilemma.
crystalqueen3000 writes:
NTA. It’s his time to take some of the responsibility for contraception, your request isn’t unreasonable and it’s not selfish either. Although a vasectomy might not be reversible as that’s not a guarantee, I think the success rate for them is 60-95%.
ladylallo writes:
Hormonal birth control can certainly wreak havoc on your body. In me, it caused blood clots and I can no longer use it. I have a copper iud now and that works for me.
beardmanmichael writes:
NTA. For so many reasons you are not the AH. You don’t want another kid in the short term. He wants one as soon as possible. That is not 100% up to him.
He yelled and called you selfish. What is actually selfish is trying to demand that your partner get pregnant again.
dragonborneed writes:
NTA I don’t understand the need for more kids. Two is enough. You don’t have to keep pumping them out until you get a girl. That’s ridiculous. What if you get pregnant again and it’s another boy?
hidingthrift writes:
I’d just like to note that trying just one more time for a girl is a great way to have 5 sons. And the pull-out method is a GREAT way to get pregnant again.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. NTA. I think it’s entirely reasonable to want to give your body a break from birth control and in some cases it does increase sex drive when you go off of it. I do think you should talk to your OB/GYN if you want to talk about non-hormonal options, just to get a full picture of what those might be like.
hungryinternt writes:
Wow. It’s guys like that who make me grateful I’m not married. What a douchebag. I think you’ve been MORE than reasonable.
Any man who b&ches and moans about how uncomfortable condoms are loses all credibility considering everything women put up with including but not limited to statistically less se%ual satisfaction from penetrative se% and shouldering the majority of the burden of pregnancy.
