“GF wants another phone for ‘personal use’ for her birthday.”
Me (26M) and my girlfriend (25F) have been together for 10 months. She already has a phone that works fine. I helped pay for it. Recently she told me she wants a second phone just for “personal use” and thinks I should buy it for her as an her upcoming birthday gift.
I asked what she means by personal use and she got vague. She said it’s just not something she wants on her main phone. She also said it’s about “privacy” and that I should trust her. I told her I wasn’t comfortable paying for another phone without a clear reason.
She got upset and said I was being controlling and turning money into a power thing. That wasn’t my intention. I just don’t want to feel like I’m being used or ignoring my gut. I don’t know what I should do now. Please give me suggestions.
Edited to add: As far as I know, she hasn’t used any substances or shown any interest in buying or selling them.
This is what people had to say to OP:
free-thecardboard said:
“She got upset and said I was being controlling and turning money into a power thing”
UNSUBSCRIBE
villiersterrace said:
It’s about cheating. Next.
OP responded:
It hurts to realize that someone who loves you is acting this way.. I guess I’m hopeful for nothing.
Live_Television7810 said:
Give her the gift of freedom for her birthday and end this relationship. This sounds unhealthy.
Svere-Possible- said:
saying (essentially), “i want you to pay for a whole ass separate phone for me for private reasons — you should trust me!” is Wild.
trust your gut, man.
Forsaken_You_2550 said:
Run away. As fast as you can!
OP responded:
I think I am dating the wrong person. I was so desperate to not be single. I’m sorry. Ugh. This is so sad, I ignored the red flags.
Sure-Ocelot-9521 said:
Does she currently use her work phone for work or something of the sort?
OP responded:
She doesn’t use her phone for work specifically. I’ve asked her and she is vague about it.
The next day, OP shared this update:
Hey guys, today’s been a long day. I barely slept last night thinking of how stupid I was ignoring the red flags and trusting her words this whole time. I kept replaying everything in my head and reading through your comments.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized if I didn’t end it now, I’d just talk myself into staying and slowly let this whole dynamic get worse. I could already feel myself starting to rationalize it. I didn’t like that.
So I got up early, made a couple strong cups of coffee, and called her since we don’t live together. I asked if she wanted to meet at a local park after I got off work. It’s a busy park, lots of people around. She agreed right away.
It wasn’t unusual for us to meet there, especially since it’s been weirdly warm for February. I worked from home today and it was a blur. I did the bare minimum. Couldn’t focus. As soon as I was done, I called her to confirm and within about 30 minutes we were there.
At first I kept it light. We walked a bit, I joked around, got her laughing and eventually we sat down on a bench and told her we needed to talk. I explained how the whole second phone thing made me feel manipulated. I told her I already felt pressured helping pay for the first phone, and now being expected to buy another one for personal use with no clear explanation didn’t sit right with me.
She was quiet for a minute. Then she said it was a big “misunderstanding” and that she was joking about the second phone. That didn’t make sense to me. So I asked her why she doubled down about “privacy,” “trust,” and accused me of using money as power if it was just a joke.
She couldn’t really answer that. It was just more vague stuff. That was kind of it for me. I told her I’d had enough and that I wanted to break up. She tried to kiss me after I said it, like that would smooth it over. I stepped back. I wasn’t going to let it turn into some emotional back and forth. I said I was done and started walking to my car. She walked off toward hers. I got in mine and left.
It sucked. I’m not gonna pretend it didn’t. But honestly, as soon as I drove away, I felt this weird mix of sadness and relief. I don’t want to be in a relationship where my gut is constantly telling me something’s off and I’m being told I’m controlling for asking basic questions. Anyway. That’s the update. Appreciate the straight talk from you guys. Sometimes you need outside perspective to see what you’re ignoring. 😊
Also, I just wanted to clarify that we only had each other’s phone and social media passwords because she strongly wanted it and offered me hers to convince me. I don’t even know if the passwords were real because I had never once snooped on her. I changed my passwords this morning before work, so I’m not worried about that.
