“I told my brother’s ex that he proposed to her best friend to spite her.”
And I don’t regret it. My (m24) brother(m30) and his ex (f31) were together for 12 years. Everything was great until the topic if marriage and starting a family started becoming an issue and my brother finally told the ex that he was not planning to propose. I guess the ex thought it wasn’t enough for her anymore and she broke up with him.
My brother said he never believed in marriage but that didn’t mean their relationship couldn’t be as serious or meaningful. Her leaving him broke him completely because I think both still loved each other. This happened in October.
2 weekends ago my brother made an announcement that he was engaged. The woman is the ex’s best friend. I didn’t even know my brother was in a relationship let alone serious enough to be engaged. I can’t relay the destress and sadness the ex felt. All I know is that she was in the hospital. My brother didn’t seem very bothered flaunting his new relationship everywhere.
His ex is like a big sister to me and she helped me through hard times, she and my brother. When I talked to my brother’s best friend I found out that he did it to hurt her in what she wanted the most. He showed me his texts. I was repulsed tbh by how immature he is treating relationships and marriage even though I am not a religious man.
When I told my sister (f32) she told me to stay out of it and she told my mother of my plans. My mother said that I should stay out of it too but I want to tell the ex and show her the texts. I hate seeing her like that and I only met her once since the break up at the hospital and while she acted respectful and gracious she really believed she lacked something because she asked why not her.
Anyway I have spoken to her now and didn’t listen to my family. My gf, my brother’s best friend and I went to eat dinner at her parents’ house where she’s living now. We are the only ones on the same side with my family against it and my dad not caring either way. I told her everything and as I expected she was skeptical at first so my brother’s best friend showed her the texts.
She looked distant and shocked and then she said that she didn’t know he hated her so much to do something like this. I told her I don’t think it is hate. He is distraught and his pride hurt since she broke up with him. She didn’t say much but thanked us and admitted that she was going mad with thoughts.
Yesterday she texted me and my gf to thank us. She said when we told her the truth she felt even more in despair but having time to reflect on it she could finally get that it wasn’t her and that she truly believes that this will help her in her healing journey. I called her and we talked for an hour. She promised that she will never tell anyone about us telling her the truth.
That she only needed this information for herself and her own healing. I thanked her for that. She is moving away because she’s found a new job and wanted a new start. She assured me that this decision had nothing to do with me telling her but it was something she’s been contemplating since the break up. I immediately thought about my brother and how he would take news like these.
I had dinner with him today and I told him that she was moving away. I thought he would hear it soon so it rather came from me in case he wanted to rage and be upset rather than from strangers. He didn’t react but he didn’t say much afterwards either. He looked defeated. We just sat there drinking. I feel very sad for him and I hope he feels better soon.
I know people will accuse me of interfering and not siding with my family but I don’t regret anything
This is what people had to say to OP:
WITOYMHSAB said:
Sounds like your brother proper played himself there, what a mess. Using marriage as a weapon when you dont even believe in it is mental, especially with her best friend.
OP responded:
He really messed up.
truth_fairy78 said:
So your brother forced the woman he actually loves to dump him bc he didn’t wanna get married, only to propose to her best friend instead, betraying her and sending her into a mental health crisis?
Your brother is a messed up head case and a massive, extreme AH. He deserves every bit of misery he’s signed up for with the back stabber he’s chaining himself to.
You are quite possibly the only one in your family with a moral compass. People like your brother do this shit bc those around them enable it. Good for you for sticking to your (very sound) principles.
zeiaxar said:
Sounds like your brother pulled that stunt thinking it would get her to come crawling back to him because if he was willing to marry someone else, maybe just maybe he’d take her back if she begged enough, especially if she said she’d give up getting married to be with him again.
Only to find out that his plan (even if he doesn’t know that you told her the truth about why he did it) only solidified her never coming back to him.
Four days later, OP shared this update:
So some of you are asking me for an update (op in bio). I don’t have a lot to offer more than some details from my brother. Btw I have told him that I have shared his story here and he doesn’t care.
My gf is away on skiing trip so my brother sent me a text asking me if he could stay with me for a little bit. I said yes. He doesn’t talk he only wants to play video games and drink beer. When I asked he said everything under control and tht he just took the week off.
Then he got drunk and he told me that he went to his ex to beg her to forgive him and he tried to propose to her. He didn’t want to say more but he looks shell shocked like he didn’t really understand the severity of what he did. He just said she is actually moving away.
So yeah he is drunk and playing video games but he promised he only needed this week and that he will ”get over it and move on.” This is my update. It is very lame. I am sorry but hopefully my dms cool off.
In the comments, iknowsomethings2 said:
Karma. He deserved everything he got.
I hope he uses this to make himself a better person.
And that if he truly doesn’t want to get married, he needs to be upfront about it to whoever he dates in the future.
And OP responded:
Yeah, I don’t think neither of them talked about marriage upfront when they were 18
