“AITA for breaking up my dad’s relationship?”
My dad’s girlfriend told me and my sister our pajamas shorts are inappropriate, and we can’t be walking around the house without a bra because it’s weird and disrespectful to the man of the house.
For context, my dad’s (47) been dating this girl (28) for six months—at the time—and finally started bring her to the house. Let’s call her Ashley. He wanted my sister (16) and I (23 F) to bond with Ashley so we all went to those escape rooms. Things went great so he started letting her come to the house, slowly. Keep in mind this is over the course of three more months.
Things were fine while Ashley came around. But then she made a comment on how I should serve my dad, because “he’s had a long day and it’s the polite thing to do”. My mother was very traditional and hispanic, so manners were very much beaten into me.
If my dad is busy with work or occupied, I’m thoughtful enough to serve him and so on. I was raise to be considerate of family. But it’s not my job to serve him when he doesn’t want to come to the table after being called on. I told her, “he can serve himself”, brushing the comment off—this would be the first of many.
The second flag was when she slept over the first time. She got too drunk to drive home and it was late, so my dad let her stay. Everyone was chilling by morning, getting ready. As I got out of my room to do my laundry, she’s in the kitchen. She began conversation and shifted it to the laundry, saying “you’re doing just your laundry? What about everyone else?”
I explained to Ashley I do my own laundry and my sister and dad do theirs together. Then she says “so he folds the clothes? Your sister should learn to take more responsibility. It’s not good to be selfish.” I bit my tongue, and went to my dad.
He said he talked to Ashley, but it clearly did nothing because it began to feel like I was competing with her. Everything had a snarky comment. She even brought up to my dad how she’s “surprised I still live with him. Most kids would moved out by now.”
My dad informed her, it’s both a cultural and religious thing for us, as kids aren’t expected to move out until marriage and even then he rather me be home than doing god knows what.
Everything goes downhill after she told me I shouldn’t be calling my dad “Papi” at my age because it was weird and had a sexual connotation to it. I start getting into it with her, and my sister explains how it’s a cultural thing. We let it go, fast forward two weeks later.
My dad and her go on a date and come back in the evening to my sister and I dressed comfortably. That clearly bother her because she tells me to go put on a bra because my chest showing.
I’m cussing her out at this point. Then she calls our baggy shirts and short revealing, attention seeking, and how we should be ashamed to be dressing this way around my dad and much less living with him.
We get into an altercation, my sister and dad pull me off her. I give my dad an ultimatum between me or her, or “I’ll remind him of mom for the rest of his life”. The night ends with him dropping her off. It’s been a few days, now things feel awkward. My sister told me I shouldn’t have hit her or brought up mom (our mother past away four years ago).
I did apologize for mentioning mom, but my dad is acting like nothing wrong. He’s dropping off her things today and give it back but now I feel like the vibes are off. I tried having a conversation again today but he told me it’s alright, which made me feel bad.
The reason I ask is because my dad is not talking to me. He’s responding to me with one word answers for that past few days and my sister is just saying to wait it out and until he’s over anything. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
mbagirl00
NTA – she had no right to try to parent you – especially since she is only 5 yrs older than you.
Possible_Walrus9461
Everyone in the house needed that. Even if it wasn’t initially a good thing/ or reaction. It needed to happen. She was extremely emotionally abusive and immature and sometimes older people find that endearing. That might’ve been why he was easy on her. But you’re his kids and you deserve love and protection. He’s raising you well.
IceSeeker
Honestly the break up is for the best. If she’s already acting like that as your dad’s girlfriend, it would be nightmare for all is she becomes your stepmom. Your family will never know peace with you girls fighting.
And your dad will try to please both sides but eventually he’ll be forced to choose. The hurt and damage will be much bigger. Better it ended early without a more serious commitment like marriage.
UserNotFound23498
NTA. That girl has daddy issues and with you around, she can’t call him “daddy” while you also call him “papi”. She needs to grow up. And stop policing other people’s kids.
needGuidance792087
Nta- honestly she saw you and your sister as competition and wanted you gone. Luckily it seems like your Dad is smart enough to see through the BS.
Spiritual-Handle2983
NTA. It’s weird that she was trying to compete with his kids. And it’s also weird that your dad was dating somebody so close to your age.
Fun-Reporter8905
It’s very strange for your dad to be dating someone close to his daughter‘s age. It’s just weird. I don’t care when anyone thinks It’s doubly strange that she’s trying to bring with.
Sounds like trad wife ideals into your home and trying to parent you. You did the absolute right thing by putting your dad on the spot because if he acknowledged the things that happened and still stayed with this woman, it would be a huge problem because then you would have to worry about your sister.
You did the right thing! He more than likely is upset that you brought up your mother as opposed to asking him to end the relationship. Give him some time. But also don’t be surprised if he gets back with her. And if he does, you’ll just have to separate herself from everybody.
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
